I had a great weekend with Joseph, sexy with no fights (for once) and miraculously communicating with each other. We even talked about the possibility of him moving in with me, but time will tell.
Last night he told he that he came out to his cousin (he’s not out to his family yet) he was feeling good about it, although is not as important as coming out to his parents. And then he asked me how was my coming out.
Joseph is a good guy, and sometimes when we talk I sigh a lot because it gives me flashbacks. What I am living with him (when we are in good terms) is a déjà vu of past experiences. Stuff he says or does is nothing new to me, I’ve been through the same with important people in my life (which means he is also important). Still, it touches me a lot.
The last time I was asked about my coming out it was over 2 years go by my last partner. As Joseph, he was also in “the closet” when he moved from Toronto to Montreal for me. That eventually changed but, that’s a personal decision that should be taken when fully ready and never forced.
Here’s my story…
I never accepted my sexuality until I was 18, I was living in denial full of insecurities, shame and suicidal thoughts. It was not cool at all. By age 23, I managed to have 3 boyfriends (An Italian, a French and a Russian), and eventually I met the only man who had and still have complete power over me, “hubby”, a Chinese guy.
He was 21 and I was 24. I always say I fell in love at first sight because I really did. His face, his smile, his mind, his heart, his talent, his culture, his humbleness got me crazy over him. I was enchanted and my heart filled with life. None of my previous guys made that full effect on me, I guess I was only infatuated by them, because I never knew what love was until I met this one. I introduced him to my parents as “my friend” and my whole family loved him immediately because of his extremely nice personality.
Months later, full of that confidence that loves provides and with no doubts in my heart that he was “the one”, I decided to come out to my parents and to live openly my life.
I was a bit nervous, coming from a conservative catholic family from South America I couldn’t picture my parents reaction, they are from other time (growing in the 50′, 60’s), I just knew they were both educated people with common sense. As for Plan B, well… my sibling had my back, and probably also everyone in my big family since they all love me. My speech was short and concrete, my parents cried thinking I was probably confused, but then they just sucked it up and dealt with it. I was not there to argue, I was there to disclose. I have a strong personality and my parents know that as well so, there was no point to fight back.
Things changed after that night, but for good, they understood that my sexuality didn’t define the person I was and besides… they simply adored “hubby” whom 13 years later remains my strength despite all.
Anyway, coming out is a delicate subject and not all parents are psychologically mature, realistic or know what unconditional love means (which is extremely disturbing). I don’t know Joseph’s family but I’m sure thing will be alright for him as well when the time comes.