So, Joseph came last night… And nothing went right. In fact, I had to control my already TOO out-of-control-self to save his face from my rage. His head or a mug… I smashed a mug.
In life, there’s stubborn, and there’s him (which goes beyond the first…) And when that happens it makes me miss Axl, Justin and whoever else I’ve been with soooo fucking much.
Seriously, I’ve never had so much shit going with ANYONE before!
Long story short, I dislike myself for not feeling an ounce of despise. As much as he makes me want to smack the shit out him when he adds more fuel to the fire, I don’t hate him, or anyone as a matter of fact.
I wish I was more of a basic asshole who hates everything and everyone, but cheap feelings don’t live in me.
The good thing is that my “addiction” for him is decreasing more and more with every fight, which is good because that shit is not sexy or attractive to my eyes.
Last night I asked him: “Do you know why I cannot be with you?” He didn’t wanna know … but the reality is that I cannot be with him because he makes me violent, and although I’m sure I’ll go to hell (aka the Kardashian’s head office) my charges should be lust and not murder.. ’cause I’d rather get my dick milked for eternity than dying 1000 deaths forever.
Conclusion we had sex, he woke up in my bed, and we kissed good morning as if all was right. See, this whole thing is not even annoying anymore, or dramatic as it may sound, but SAD because I DO have feeling for him and he doesn’t seem to realise that.
However, he’s pushing me to forget him… and he’s going to succeed.