Dates & Apologies

tumblr_n1nsq8Zqee1qjunulo1_500My mood is been acting up lately, ups & downs, it’s a rollercoaster of impulsiveness that only leads me to guilt because that’s what I do best. BLAMING MYSELF!

Regardless of the impression I give (a sexual heartless bitch) I’m actually the opposite LIVE!

I quite nice and likeable, and most of the guys I met tend to like me instantly, but when I don’t feel the chemistry I need in order to take them more serious, I feel terribly bad because I unconsciously hurt them.

In fact, aside of all my ex-boyfriends, most of ex-fuckfriends also fell in love with me. However, during that period (2012-2013) I built a thick wall in my heart that prevented me to fall for them. In my head our business was only sex and I hurt some that way. And then I met Joseph and all changed

These days, those walls are up again and unintentionally I hurt someone already, Havana, the kid with a mesmerizing behind.

So, Havana is been texting me like crazy the whole week, asking when will we meet again. He wants something ongoing and more serious with me… Sadly for me, I don’t feel the same and I’m not thinking of anything too serious with him, even if he has an ass that could make me lose my mind, and I could gladly obey until the end of time.

I took a break from him for few days, and I texted him this morning explaining myself. However, he put all behind and asked me again when will I see him again…

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Well, I tried to act like a decent human, but I guess he’s OK with me using him. I’m telling you… they don’t let me be a good guy. 

Now, I’m not sure if I should apologize also to another guy… Matt.

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I met Matt last night, a 25 yo Irish French Canadian. Very tall, average body, handsome face, nice personality, smart, rich, etc, etc, etc.

He couldn’t stop staring at me, making me feel beyond uncomfortable… He was like: “You CANNOT be almost 40, show me your ID,” “You’re very good looking” “Tu ris comme un ‘tit gars” (You laugh like a little boy) blah blah blah… Obviously, I told him to shut up because compliments make me feel embarrassed, at least face to face.

He was very into me and as interesting and good looking as he is, regrettably, I am NOT into super tall guys. So, I don’t know… He already texted today, I saw his interest but I didn’t talked about meeting again and I felt his disappointment . I’M SO GOING TO HELL!!!

These guys are MY reminder than no one’s perfect. One has a hot ass and that’s about it, and the other one has everything else, but not the type of body or fitness I’m into it. 

Do I miss Joseph? IMMENSELY! And I’m not saying that he was perfect, but when you have strong feelings for someone whatever flaw is not so relevant. My nights are a punishment without him, and my days another “date” … but I have to suck it up and keep moving because, what other options do I have?

He’s good without me, and in my heart, that’s all it counts.

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