He was more affectionate than usual… in fact, he took me to the bed (instead of me taking him there) to kiss and cuddle. Since one thing leads to another and I wasn’t ready for anything sexy due to the previous night, I proposed to go eat … So we went to eat around.
On our way back home we passed by a StarFucks ’cause he wanted a hot chocolate… and all of the sudden our night turned somehow romantic by walking in the quiet white streets… holding his cup with one hand, while holding my hand with the other… David CONFUSES ME A LOT!
The stuff he tells me doesn’t match the stuff he does. Therefore, I do things I wouldn’t do if I were 100% sure of what the hell he actually wants from me.
When we met and decided to see each other regularly, he warned me to not get too attached. He said “let’s not fall for each other.” 2 weeks later he asked me (as if wanting to) if we were boyfriends, and I said yes. A month later, after realizing that we were going nowhere in part because he doesn’t want us to fall in love, I decided to give up… only to be stopped by him because he “wants me and needs me”.
Then he gave me permission to fuck other people, making me think that he doesn’t give a shit, but whenever I mention any random guy that I would totally do, the look in his face don’t reflect that… neither his public affection, or the way he stares at me saying “I really like you”.
And yes, I was feeling guilty yesterday (after my “indiscretion” with Bi) because believe it or not I have morals (even if I have 20 yo lifeguard in line, waiting to meet me because the Sex Gods are impossibly generous with me. Read next post) … maybe a bit ambivalent but I do.
Anyway I should not feel guilty, after all, it was his idea… ’cause he’s not angel either, and he knows it… As much as I know that he’s with me because (despite his denial) I’m more than a good fuck/so-called (meaningless) boyfriend to him.