Confusion & Confession

tumblr_o9qym303jz1qkq9hjo2_1280I saw Derek (one of my first ex-sexmates) Saturday night and went for a walk. I felt guilty for some reason.

On my way back home Justin (my Vancouver stalker/ potential husband) messaged me, and in the confusion of my feelings I confessed to him.

Later he FaceTime me, and although I didn’t want to (’cause unlike him I’m camera shy) I accepted because his blackmail game is strong (joking) plus, he has more checks on his wrong list than I, which makes me feel awesome and full of virtue… small stuff I needed.

So… There he was few inches away from my face looking adorable as I forgot he is… I was nervous.

He was like blah black you’re stupid, blah blah you’re cute, blah blah you’re an asshole, blah blah you’re sweet, and more doses of bipolarity.

I’m not sure how long we chat but I was happy to see him LIVE on the other side of the screen… He reminded me of stuff I forgot when we first met and it brought me back in time.

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After Derek and before Joseph, between them was Justin… One of the few guys I connected 100% and made me feel too much at first sight.

Before we hang up the phone he stared at me not saying a word, making me feel even more anxious … He said he wanted to say something but he was too shy or something, despite being an expert on Chatroulette and assorted webcam perversion… and then he texted me this:

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And jokes aside, and as far as we are, and despite all… I miss him too.

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