CBS News reports that on Monday, a wild beaver waddled into a Dollar General in Charlotte Hall, MD and went straight to the holiday section to declare war on Christmas!
That beaver was either disappointed by the lack of wood on the fake Christmas trees or it read the instructions and decided that putting a fake Christmas tree together is too much damn work.
The suspect, who caused “property damage,” attempted to flee the area but was apprehended by Animal Control. Boou! Such haters!
Their future Dictator Overlord Trump announced that his first act as president will be to put that beaver down, because it viciously attacked Santa and an attack on Santa is an attack on Jesus and an attack on Jesus is an attack on America!
I hope someone gave him a snack or something for all his good work!