Going Through

Its been over a month since I saw Xavier last. During the first month I was too out of control distracting my anxiety and all the stuff one feels when one loses that person you’re attached to.

My distraction was obviously dangerous, saying yes to all the guys who wanted to fuck the sad out of me.

Many people think I’m lucky because it’s easy for me to get men’s attention, but they don’t realised not all of them have good intentions.

So, the “luck” is double frustrating many times.

In my case I get judged A LOT by the way I look.

And as much as I don’t care being objectify, at some point gets tiring and lame… Reason why it’s hard for me to fall for someone. If you put it in perspective out of 30 guys, probably only 2 will get my full interest.

I cannot live without sex and you can call me a “fuckboy” if you want, but fuckboys (when taken serious) are in most cases committed partners that will stick with you no matter what.

While basics will cheat on you, a “fuckboy” won’t do that. Why? Because they value someone who focus on them as a person, rather than an object of pleasure.

I had great long-term relationships, I’ve been a fuckboy to few guys too, and I’ve been in a relationship with a “real” fucktoy (an escort) once.

For instance that relationship wasn’t easy for me to handle, but he was a guy who loved me sincerely and showed it to me.

While he slept with others for money, he slept with me by choice.

Back to the topic….

Although PatrickA was my world our end didn’t hit me as hard, because from the moment I met Xavier we immediately started to date.

I didn’t have time to think or rest, while with Xavier no other guy existed.

In short, it’s been a difficult month. But I’m going through it now.

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