Bittersweet

Many months later, Xavier and I finally met.

Although we have sporadically ran into each other before, it was the first time we did something together after we split… There’s not much I can say, Xavier still is the sweet guy that stole my heart.

We went to eat, we walked around and I didn’t really say much. I’m so used to speak with my body to him that words failed me miserably.

I admit, it was hard not to jump on him.

There was a moment during the night, when he touched the subject of the guys I’ve been with after him. And as much as I avoided that topic, he reminded me of a fucked up episode (I never blogged about) with one of them some months ago…  It was late night and I was in the hospital when Xavier randomly texted me, obviously I never told him.

He never knew I texted him back swallowing fear pretending things were fine. He never knew that his message helped me to endure that night. 

But anyway, not everything is bright and you just have to suck it up.

When the time arrived to say goodbye, we hugged each other tight and I did my best to keep my shit together and not look sad. There’s no point to lie, I miss him quite terribly so it was a joy to see him last night.

On the other hand, he’s leaving to New Brunswick in 8 days for over a month… My summer is going to be a lot less hot this July.

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