Ages Later, Finally Something FUN From America

Teatotaller, a coffee shop in Somersworth, New Hampshire, spent its first big ad buy on a billboard telling guests the Maine border wasn’t the only thing its coffee drinkers liked to straddle!

The java house labels itself as “an oasis of queer, hipster tea, coffee, and pastry goodness,” and if their magic espresso beans and accoutrements make me look like the guy in their billboard, I’ll take three of each ’cause it’s written sex all over him!

The people of Somersworth have been clutching their pearls and assholes ever since the billboard went up, and many negative comments hit a Facebook post discussing the ad.

Somersworth’s mayor said the billboard may have pushed limits, but, like, First Amendment, betchezzz (I’m paraphrasing). 

HuffPost said Teatotaller’s owners Emmett Soldati and Palana Belken defended the billboard and praised their model, 18-year-old Michael Cummingsfor his “self-confidence, flair and fabulousness.”

Michael, seen in the ad holding a breakfast sandwich that immediately combusted from not being able to cope with his sexy Pink Panther eye shadow, popped by social media and showed the haters who is boss by writing, “As I am the person featured in this ad, all I have to say is times are changing and your views need to be changing with them.

Hell yes! A bottom slut! He makes me miss being a top!!!

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