Missing

Missing is a revolutionary emotion; an upending of organisational structures, a fundamental change of approach, that once you thought of yourself, now your thoughts are for someone…

More than being lonely, absent of someone, always a part missing, that in fact, missing means you were once complete, attached, and now you yearn. Happiness withdrew. 

Missing is absurd!!

Sadly, we all experience that many times in life. Missing relatives, missing a friend, missing a partner, or simply missing better times.

For those new at reading my blog, you may think I’m just another insensitive-cock-hungry-gay-slut. And you may not be so wrong. BUT I want to believe this is just a phase of my twilight years ’cause I wasn’t always this way.

For almost my whole life I was always in monogamous relationships devoted to my partner and all that shit. No regrets! However, when life happened I also learnt to detach myself, focus on my needs and block feelings in my heart.

These days I don’t miss anyone and kinda makes me feel empty, because someone’s presence has always been very motivating to me.

I used to miss Justin a lot, I used to feel lost without Joseph, feeling like dying without Hubby, I used to wish for PatrickA to stop being insensitive towards my feelings, or Xavier to stop being ambivalent, because what was so terrible in showing them affection?

I don’t see my past relationships as failures, in fact they made me very strong and mature, but inexorably they also made me cold.

I was never single and perhaps I overdosed by giving my all, which can only explain why I am this way today. Not giving much other than my sex.

As I said, I don’t really miss anyone at this point. Yet, currently my heart is my baby Sai Sai (my dog)…  My biggest future pain for when, just like the rest, he’ll be gone too.

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