Archives for category: Narcisslut

Life is a meaningless series of mundane disappointments, but sometimes it surprises you. And sometimes that surprise is a butt belonging to former One Direction singer Liam Payne. 

Payne recently worked with Mert and Marcus photographer Mert Alas, the man responsible for the above glorious Instagram, on a Hugo Boss campaign.

I did not see the campaign when it happened, perhaps because I couldn’t care less about Liam, but also because he was not nude (or nearly nude) in those images.

Either way, I’m a new fan! lol

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So, there’s a lot going on here. I’d previously read about this story of an Instagrammer selling her bath water (listen: who hasn’t?) to “thirsty gamer boys” but did you know there was a herpes rumour twist? Of course there is.

Belle Delphine, who has 4 million followers on Instagram and 400,000 subscribers on YouTube, sold her bath water to people through her website and people bought it (why did I go to university?). Afterwards, a rumour began about people who had allegedly contracted herpes because of the bath water purchased. Well don’t worry, it was just a rumour! So you can feel free to drink up all the dirty bath water purchased over the internet that you want!

Snopes says that you “thirsty gamer boys” out there are in the clear! Well from the herpes bath water, at least–I’d imagine you have other issues to deal with if you’re buying some stranger’s bath water because you think she’s hot… But at least you can sleep knowing this rumour is a certified LIE!

Selling out bath water?! This is an entrepreneuse!!!

Look at this businesswoman: bathing ten times a day just to keep up her supply and demand!

So here’s where things get creepy…creepier. A rumor started that people got herpes. This was all because of a Twitter account which has since been found to be fraudulent.

I guess some people don’t really know about how STDs can be transmitted….

Anyway regardless of virgins ignorance and old perverts, if you buy someones bathing water, you deserve all the herpes!!

HBO’s Chernobyl  has sparked interest in the nuclear power plant disaster and the ghost town it created. And of course, that newfound attention has brought out attention whores who will shamelessly use a tragedy as an opportunity to show their ass in more ways that one.

Influencers are using the site of Chernobyl as a backdrop to display their sexiness. Next up: topless oxygen mask photo shoots at the 9/11 museum!

As a child who grew terrified of Chernobyl I can’t wrap my head around this. I don’t know what the air quality is like now but I remember thinking you breathed it in the 80’s or 90’s you would grow an extra eye (like the fish from the Simpsons).

Chernobyl was a horror.

The idea that people now think it’s cool to show their toned butts while wearing hazmat suit is…confusing.

Image result for chernobyl influencers

Influencers, listen, there are so many ways to show your asses but please for the love of everything holy if you are in a hazmat suit on a tragic historical site, don’t show your ass. Even if you think it will cheer up the place. Even is your thong matches the hazmat suit. Just leave that hazmat suit zipped and keep it moving.

This foolery got back to show creator Craig Mazin and he sent out a tweet asking people to stop the madness.

The selfish generation. It is all about “me” and any attention.

But truly, can’t we just encourage them to MOVE to Chernobyl long term? I feel like this is a win/win situation here…

Because making a billion dollars off of basic-ass mall makeup wasn’t enough for Ky-LIE Jenner (read KarTrashian,) she went ahead and launched a basic-ass skin care line.

And it’s a bit of a mess! Which surprised no one.

The internet called Ky-LIE out for using cheap skin-damaging walnut particles in her facial scrub. The internet called Ky-LIE out for possibly faking positive reviews. And now the internet is calling her out for a laughably bad facial cleansing demonstration.

Ky-LIE tweeted a short video of herself using the Ky-LIE Skin foaming facial cleanser.

Ky-LIE, with one of those childish (and disturbing on adults) Snapchat filter on her face squirts out some product, then proceeds to wash her face for a whole seven seconds before rinsing it off.

As she dries her face, a huge makeup smear can be seen on her towel.

I think it’s amazing that Ky-LIE has any fans at all considering that her old face is ALL OVER THE INTERNET. She’s fake through and through.

With the industrial amounts of makeup she uses, she needs WAY more than a pump of wimpy foam and two splashes of water to remove all that warpaint. Also, those nightmare fingernails and wig are the cherry on top of the fuckery.

Seriously, that “cleansing” routine is so lazy and indifferent it could’ve written the Game of Thrones finale!

There is not one single thing that is real about ANY of the Katrashians. 

When the organiser of any event is putting together the guest list and they don’t see Billy Porter’s name on it, they should consider cancelling that bitch altogether, because Billy Porter is quickly proving that nobody can make a carpet explode in a tornado of glitter shards like him.

While most basics looked the way they always do (the Kardashians,  Katy Perry, Gaga, Jlo, etc ) Billy made tricks prolapse left and right with his glamour.

I’d like to think that Billy Porter just had this casual Sunday afternoon lounging look hanging in his closet, but believe it or not, it was custom made by The Blonds.

Vogue says that Billy Porter was inspired by Diana Ross in Mahogany, Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra, Cher, and Pepper LaBeija.

And speaking of basics…

Here’s the Koven, and Kim looking like she had a couple of ribs removed:

Kuntye looks like he was given elephant tranquillisers.

Truly, the Met Gala used to mean something. Since it’s been tainted by the Klan, it’s cringe-worthy embarrassing trash.

Anyhow aside from Billy, I actually liked Cardi’s outfit… She nailed it!

In short, after Billy’s entrance serving Ancient Egyptian Goddess realness, every other motherfucker should have just ubered home.

Math teacher and certified panty creamer of Instagram Pietro Boselli used Earth Day to bring awareness to global warming by making everyone hot in their southern parts with his shell-fucking action.

The picture is now removed, and I’m not sure what the message was but works for me.

Happy belated Earth Day!

Seen on the picture dressed like a child beauty pageant queen about to do a dance performance of the Dixie Chicks’ White Trash Wedding, Madonna has queefed out Medellin, the first single off her new album Madame X.

Madge has taken a much-needed break from terrorising the corneas of her Instagram followers with beyond filtered selfies from creepy HELL and has been using her social media pages to tease her new album and new song with my ex-husband Maluma.

The beginning starts with some whispery cha cha chas and Madonna letting us know that she auto-tuned her voice more than she filters her Instagram selfies, and then it’s just 5 minutes of an intro.

I kept waiting for the damn song to start. I thought I was going to get the sequel to La Isla Bonita and instead I got La Isla BOREnita.

Dear Madge,
It’s okay to retire from making new music, and just perform your hits and classics at a Vegas Show. You know, the shit people actually want to hear and remember you by.

Sincerely,
All your original fans.