Tag Archives: Animals > Humans

The parrot who graciously thanked a firefighter trying to save her by telling him to fuck off!

If you’re a bitter, mean ole’ bitch who hates humans and is the anti-Blanch DuBois because you’ve always defecated on the kindness of strangers, then meet your spirit sister Jessie, the parrot.

Jessie ran away from her human’s house in the city of Edmonton in England, because she’s a badass rebel who can’t be caged, unless well, her human puts her in a cage.

Jessie flew off to a neighbour’s roof where she stayed for three days and refused to leave. Since squatting on a house that doesn’t belong to you is illegal and Jessie’s human was afraid she’d get hurt, the fire brigade was called in to get her down.

But Jessie is no damsel in distress and let a trick know.

The London Fire Brigade said that when a firefighter got close to her and told her that he loved her, she at first responded that she loved him back. But either Jessie is a fickle one or she gets off on leading a dude on, because right after she told the firefighter he had her love, she cursed him out before flying to a new roof.

Jessie is pretty much you when a guy hits on you at the bar but doesn’t pay for your drink.

If that hot piece in a uniform climbed up to me and told me he’d love me, I’d tell him to fuck me and spray my flaming loins down with his hose. But that’s just me.

Jessie was eventually reunited with her human, who recorded a thank you video of her giving love to the firefighters.

You know how the mum of the asshole brat who bullied you would make ’em come over to your house and apologise to you in front of your mum?

That’s what that video reminds me of. Jessie doesn’t mean it!

Why do I have a feeling that Jessie will soon go missing again and the firefighters will find the words, “I lied. FUCK YOU!” Good girl Jessie. Fuck that enforced slavery!

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Peacemaker Dog!

When it comes to a friend type, you’re either the messy drunk bitch who gets everyone kicked out of the club because you tried to fight a trick who looked at you wrong (and it turns out the trick just had a lazy eye). Or you’re the reasonable and level-headed bitch who tries to turn down the crazy on your messy drunk friend so you all don’t get kicked out and your buzz doesn’t get ruined.

I love a messy drunk bitch, because they give you a good story, but today I’m honouring a reasonable and level-headed peacekeeper who kept a pussy battle royale from going down.

This viral clip isn’t even half-a-minute long, but it is more captivating, engrossing and masterfully cinematic than more big-budget thrillers out there.

It starts with a cat in a harness assuming the “I’m about to whoop a trick” stance in front of their rival, who I’m guessing either stole their man, or worse, stole the fish head they found lying next to a dumpster outside of Chinese restaurant.

Just when that rage-filled pussy is about to get a trick together, the Gandhi of dogs sweeps, grabs the hot pussy by their harness and stops a cat war from happening.

This is the most adorable visual definition of “hold me back, bro” ever.

So… here’s a dog who is all about keeping the peace and uses their pussy-grabbing skills for good instead of illegal evil. I know we’re all thinking it. This Dog 2020!!

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The diamond thief Ant

If Ocean’s 8 gets a sequel, the ninth member of their group of jewelry thieves has been found!

In a scene straight out of a reboot of Antz directed by Steven Soderbergh, an ant was caught on camera carrying a diamond across the table at the office of a gem wholesaler.

If you know nothing about ants, then you’re probably several shades of impressed over that ant carrying a diamond that’s fatter than its body. But if you do know about ants, then you’re probably singing a Shania Twain song since you know they’re able to carry 10 to 50 times their body weight.

I hope that if this ant is proposing to their piece, she won’t be a superficial Instagram THOT (an Antstagram THOT, if you will), because they’re going to get turned down.

An Antstagram THOT would rather soak in a boiling hot tub filled with orange peels than show off a diamond ring that’s less than 50 times their body weight. Embarrassing!

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the Pussy Guardian of Peaches

If you’re a cat owner, then I’m guessing that right now your beloved pussy is taking delicate tokes of catnip in a dog bones bong while lounging on a scratched-up throne made from pieces of what used to be your sofa inside of a castle of cardboard boxes and Christmas tree parts.

That could mean only one thing: it’s an average day of the week, because cats are our future overlords and should be treated as such!

But today is an extra extra special day for pussies because it’s International Cat Day! And on this International Cat Day, I’m honouring the Peach King of Pussies!

Ozzy, the peach-loving pussy went viral after Lydia Coutre, the daughter of his humans, tweeted about how her parents regularly document his utter love of peaches.

Ozzy’s favourite Barbie is totally Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie, his favourite emoji is definitely the peach emoji, his favourite electro artiste is Peaches, and his theme song has to be Peaches by President of the United States of America. Ozzy IS peachmatized.

Happy International Cat Day! 😸

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The Pianist & The Elephants

Like many musically-minded artists, professional pianist Paul Barton enjoys sharing his talent with the world. Unlike most musicians, however, Barton’s performances are not limited to human audiences; in fact, some of his biggest fans aren’t people, but pachyderms.

Since moving to Thailand 20 years ago, Barton has found a way to pair a passion for animals with his self-taught piano practice. Through Elephants World, a “self-supporting Environmental Conservation Organisation that cares for domestic elephants,” Barton regularly treats old, abused, and even blind rescues to the works of Beethoven, Bach, Chopin, and other classical composers.

God bless you sir and all the wonderful elephants that still alive in our planet.

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Heartbreaking

An orangutan has been filmed seemingly defending its home from being demolished by loggers. The animal was seen fruitlessly lashing out against a digger in the Sungai Putri forest in Borneo, Indonesia as loggers bulldozed through.

The video, which was reportedly filmed in 2013 but only released early this month was shot by International Animal Rescue, an animal welfare charity.

Can you imagine the world through his eyes? 

This is happening everyday to many different species…

We should all be killed!

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Kate Beckinsale’s Birthday Baby Goat Yoga

This is a real thing! It’s yoga with baby goats! 

Kate Beckinsale celebrated her 45th birthday (pay attention bitches because that’s how it’s done!) by doing the downward dog with a baby goat on her back. If that sounds like some truly scandalous sex move, you’re wrong. And perverted!

The newest in gimmicky yoga is baby goat yoga. You do all the moves while baby goats run around and sometimes climb on top of you! (This was her birthday present? Ok…)

Kate captioned her post with:

Best birthday ever . We all prayed that the goat’s blessings would happen on Michael’s mat and they did. Thank you #laughingfrogyoga and #hellocrittercare for such a fun day and also to Billy and Burlap, for knowing instinctively where to friendly fire

Hot yoga leaves you slipping around in your own sweat puddles. And naked yoga is just a reason to want glaucoma. But baby goat yoga… what if they kick? 

On the other hand, let’s please take a moment to admire the GODDESS that is Kate Beckinsale…

She is 45 (I’m not far myself…) and as I said it before, when you look like Kate Beckinsale age doesn’t even exist because she’s HOT AF and men of any age would kill to be with her.

She must be a vampire too!

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