Archives for posts with tag: Are You Ok?

Heinz has taken a page out of Pizza Hunt’s handbook and has whipped up some 100 proof fuckery in the name of a little media attention.

For Valentine’s Day, Heinz gave away tiny jars of tomato ovary eggs, and now they’ve decided to attack Jesus by releasing a pure abomination for his resurrection day.

Jesus is going to show up again to slap down those sucio pieces of trash at Heinz for desecrating holy mayonnaise like this.

Yes, Jesus loves mayo. Anybody with taste does!

Mayonnaise is made from egg whites, and Cadbury Creme Eggs are made from sugar, sugar, more sugar, even more sugar, keep going with the sugar, a drop of egg whites, and enough sugar to kill Augustus Gloop.

So because it has some egg whites in it, Heinz decided to make mayonnaise out of it.

They have mixed together Cadbury Creme Eggs and a dollop of Heinz mayo for Seriously Good Creme Egg Mayo.

Those foolery-makers at Heinz must be so fucked up in the brains that they don’t know how to spell “gross” and spelled it as “good.”

Some things just don’t belong together, like Chris Brown and any living thing, dick cheese and cake (dick cheese cheesecake!), and now mayo and Cadbury Creme.

That’s a level of wrongness for which there are no words.

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From the Hollywood Reporter:

Asked whether she believes Wade Robson and James Safechuck, who accused Jackson of sexually abusing them for a number of years when they were children, Streisand replied, “Oh absolutely. That was too painful.” The singer and actress went on to describe Jackson as “very sweet, very childlike” when she met him a couple of times in person.

Considering the documentary’s depiction of Jackson, she said, “His sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has. You can say ‘molested’, but those children, as you heard say, they were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.”

It didn’t kill them it only destroyed them from the inside out. And his ‘sexual needs’ were paedophilia, a crime and a horrific one at that!

Da fuck Barbra?! 

When you think of who has really moved the needle when it comes to LGBTQ rights in America, you better think of those who led the Stonewall Riots, Harvey Milk, and Mr. and Mrs. Carter.

Sure, the Stonewall Riots and Harvey may have pushed acceptance and legislation, but without “Drunk In Love,” half the “About Me” sections on Grindr would be devoid of “grainin’ on that wood” euphemisms.

It’s either that or the team at GLAAD got themselves some good weed this weekend because they announced they’re giving the Vanguard Award for LGBTQ allyship to BeYAWNce and Jay ZzZz.

In a press releaseGLAAD says Bey and Jay will get their award March 28 at the 30thAnnual GLAAD Media Awards…

What have Beyonce EVER done for the LGBTQ community other than making obnoxious queens scream “yassss queen”?

OH. FUCK. OFF.

Before you put on your judging pants and clown on these people in China for engaging in fisticuffs over a damn StarFucks cup, clock the description (via CNN):

The company released a limited edition “Cat Paw Cup” in China this week, a double-walled tumbler with an interior shaped like a cat’s paw. When a drink is poured into it, the paw shape becomes apparent… “The paw shape becomes apparent”! 

Who wouldn’t punch someone over that?

A visual aid:

 
The cups went on sale on Tuesday for 199 yuan each ($30) and sold out that day. That’s when people started getting violent. Jesus, it’s not that serious, it’s like they were Hello Kitty or Jocelyn Wildenstein-branded.

Well, StarFucks cups are usually so boring and feature that dumb mermaid.

It goes to show you that inserting just a bit of whimsy in your products can cause bloodshed amongst idiots!

And that’s a sign that your product designers and marketing people need a bonus.

Any remaining doubt that most of the world, particularly the allies in Europe, view the Trump administration as a global embarrassment of extreme idiocy were laid to rest this weekend at the Munich Security Conference.

As Politico noted, the 55-year-old conference is supposed to be a demonstration of transatlantic solidarity on security matters dating back to the Cold War collaboration between Western allies. Under the Trump administration, however, the U.S. has become a tone-deaf symbol of nepotism and extremism in the eyes of European leaders, and it’s hard not to believe that this is exactly what Vladimir Putin wanted.

This weekend, at the security conference, American Vice President Pence was repeatedly given the silent treatment during an asinine keynote speech aimed more at Donald Trump than at his European colleagues in the audience.

As Politico noted, Pence concluded the speech, which followed a much better one by German Chancellor Angela Merkel, with the words “God Bless the United States of America.”

Serious? Maybe he didn’t realise he was in EUROPE or something.

Pence thought he’d get a round of applause when he said, “I bring greetings from the 45th president of the United States of America, President Donald Trump.” Instead, he got crickets.

Merkel, on the other hand, drew a standing ovation when speaking just before Pence. The German leader unmistakably criticised the Trump administration while Ivanka Trump sat in the audience expressing her disapproval.

In short, those American maniacs got a dose of reality.

However, deny them entry to Europe would have been what they deserve!

Just when I thought that Guy Ritchie could never do a movie worse than Swept Away, I found out he can. That film will be the live-action version of Aladdin because Will Smith’s genie looking like the beefy baby of one of those aliens from the Eiffel 65’s Blue video is just a NO!

Instead of going to see this movie, we should watch the cartoon version and remember Robin William as the Genie.

The difference between Robin Williams and Will is that Robin could do many different characters (same as Jim Carrey) and Will can only do Will.

That is why we adored the Genie so much.

Black History Month got off to a great start when we all heard the racist tale of yore of how Liam Neeson once reacted to the rape of a close friend by walking the streets hoping that some random black man would mess with him so he could kill that random black man as an act of revenge against his friend’s rapist (who she said was black).

Liam said he is not a racist now, and wasn’t racist then.

He said that he hopes him sharing that disturbing mess will open up more discussions about bigotry…

Well, If you tell a messy disturbing story about wanting to kill a random black guy out of revenge for something that had nothing to do with you (to promote a stupid fucking movie), then say, “but I’m not racist”, you’re probably a racist.

Also, for whoever doesn’t have it clear, revenge only works if you get the ACTUAL GUY. Not a random person.

Anyway the Taken saga was fun, but racism not so much.

In short, a man who is famous for being in movies where the main character is hell-bent on violent revenge, is ACTUALLY a person who is hell-bent on violent revenge.

Colour. Me. Shook.