Tag Archives: Can You Not?

Because Children Are The Future…

… Teenagers are eating TIDE LAUNDRY PODS!

It’s understandable that a toddler might chow down on one of those Tide laundry pods. They’re colorful and squishy. Senior citizens with dementia are understandable, too (unfortunately there’s been deaths).

But apparently schoolers becoming deathly ill from eating them to fulfill a YouTube CHALLENGE!

They ARE candy colorful, sure, and a challenge is a challenge but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Finally, old people angrily shaking their walkers at “these goddamn kids” makes perfect sense.

It’s terrifying that this needs to be explained to an able-brained human who hopes to go on to college and then maybe rule the world. But just in case, show your child a pod and say “DO NOT EAT”.

Or have The Gronk tell them…

Darwinian awards!

I actually hope they keep it up so we can eradicate anymore future idiots.

Or more possible idiots becoming a president.

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rip off, rip off, rip off …

LEGENDS Radiohead believes Lana Del Rey ripped off their 1993 hit “Creep” (one of my favourite songs) on Lust For Life highlight, “Get Free,” and are suing her ass.

She confirmed the surprising development via TwAtter.

While there are definite similarities between the songs (I assumed Lana sampled “Creep” the first time I heard “Get Free”), asking for 100 percent of the publishing is a bit rich, not to mention ironic, given that Radiohead had to share the proceeds of their own smash with The Hollies after they admitted to lifting the melody of “The Air That I Breathe.”

Now…

When Lady Gaga came out with that song “Born this way,” music lovers (and Madonna) threw shade at her because it sounds a lot like Madonna’s “Express Yourself”.

When Coldplay came out with “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” many accused them to rip off the sound of the German band Chocolat and their 90s hit “Ritmo De La Noche,” that was also recorded by Argentine’s band The Sacados and Europeans Mystic and Lorca.

Yet”Ritmo de la Noche” was also inspired by Peter Allen’s 70s hit “I go to Rio”.

Same as when Bruno Mars (whom I ADORE) came out with “Treasure”. It was beyond OBVIOUS he ripped off the much superior hit of the French band Breakbot “Baby Im Yours”

When Robin Thick came out with “Blurred Lines,” he also got sued by Marvin Gaye’s family for ripping off “Got to Give It Up”.

The point is, many musicians get inspired from each other but they don’t acknowledged it.

It would be nice if they do in order to save themselves lots of trouble, educating at the same time the youth that often ignore who ABBA was while thinking Madonna’s “Hung Up” was original.

Or to make it more actual, they sing Jonas Blues “Fast Car” but they have no idea who Tracy Chapman is. Chapman, the original singer and writer of that 90’s hit.

And no words about this ABOMINATION, a copy & paste failure of the epic “Maria Maria”.

Long story short, chances are, whatever you listen to is probably a rip off of an old song.

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Instant Cholesterol

I don’t know much about the personal details of the man who goes by L.A. Beast. But let’s make some broad assumptions, based only on his proper syntax, grooming, and seemingly lack of sociopath tendencies…

Mr. Beast was likely brought up in a happy household, with family members who love him very much. His parents probably had hopes and dreams, who instilled into him values and empathy, and wants nothing more than their son to live his best possible life.

Anyway, here he is eating eight sticks of butter on YouTube:

Mr. Beast claims to have broken a record held by competitive eater Don Lerman, who in 2002 downed seven sticks of butter in five minutes…. BARF!!

L.A. Beast was able to consume eight sticks in just over three minutes. Based on some google calculations, eight sticks of butter equals to 6,480 calories and 736 grams of fat.

My arteries hurt!!

If you see this man please offer him a hug.

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Douche On The Loose

Logan Paul, one of the many douchebags that dominates Youtube for IDIOTIC reasons, failed to issue a trigger warning before exploring a woodsy area known for suicides in Aokigahara, Japan.

Logan and his crew decided to take a New Year’s Eve trip to Aokigahara for funsies. While filming there this major asshole came across the body of a man who had hanged himself in the trees. Rather than call cut and report it to the authorities, Logan decided to make the most of it…

Dude is pretty much a Kardashian!

“This is the most real vlog I’ve ever posted on this channel,” Paul said in the video. “I think this definitely marks a moment in YouTube history.”

Paul then proceeded to film closer to the body before apologising to viewers for what was “supposed to be a fun vlog.”

Here’s a cut (without the dead body) of the since removed video which shows Logan and company’s handling of the situation.

Clearly the side effects an out-of-touch generation watching a video with a title that suggests the exploration of a “suicide forest” and expecting to find Pokemons instead of suicide victims.

Being accused of misogyny and rap flow infringement by FLOBOTS were the peak of his worries until this suicide video situation. Logan was forced to issue an apology.

He has a ton of advertisers, a $200,000 vehicle, and mansion sized mortgage payments… This was a case of live by the sword, die by the sword.

The same audience on the internet that made him famous also reminded him that he wasn’t untouchable or above trigger warnings. 

However, we know what’s next… Douche is only getting more popular because, HUMANITY!

Youtube “celebrities,” Snapchat “celebrities,” Instagram “celebrities…” It’s a fucking epidemic that is desensitising our youth.

And since the audience of all those attention-whores are mostly unsupervised kids that are allowed to do whatever they want on the internet; the only way to make them go away is for the PARENTS to step in and be parents!!

The end.

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The size of his “Nuclear Button” Is Bigger Than Yours

It is TRULY time to BOYCOTT Twitter until bitch is removed.

This is NOT Presidential per Twitter’s new code of behaviour that was adapted to accommodate Trump. This is provocation. Millions of people in America and worldwide should not have to read and therefore live in constant fear of his actions.

If he is so passionate then he (the so-called President) can release a press statement or hold a press conference. This is LAZY governing of people with heavy doses of WTF!

Please just go back to playing golf, Mr. Trump. I feel safer that way.

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Instant Regret

Action movies used to feature scenes where one dude escaping or chasing someone got to an escalator and slid down the partition in the middle to save time… Owners of facilities with escalators realised this was an invitation to lawsuits when idiots got hurt emulating that stunt. So they began to put in these little metal columns which would issue someone an emergency colonoscopy if they were fool enough to still try and slide down…

Well, they didn’t reckon on 22-year-old Freddie Alexander being just fool enough!

Someecards reports that Fred got his drink on at the PDC World Darts Championship at Alexandra Palace in London on Thursday and was feeling no pain. Yet. Which is why he decided to slide his drunk ass down the middle of the escalator, idiot-proof columns be damned.

If you love watching footage of guys getting drilled in the nuts or bodily flipping off escalators to their deaths, you will love this one.

Does anyone have the link to Freddie’s Go Fund Me page? That is… if he’s still breathing!

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The “Justin Bieber” Sex Doll

Usually the words “Justin Bieber sex doll” would make anyone’s fuck parts shrivel up, fall off and drag themselves to the nearest freeway to end their misery by throwing themselves in front of a speeding semi-truck.

But this Justin Bieber “sex doll” is a thing of glamorous beauty because it really looks nothing like Justin Bieber.

The Biebs wishes he had tits that were originally sold as silicone butt pads.

The Biebs wishes he could work a sexy smoky eye like that.

And that sex doll needs to cover its body with a giant tattoo before it can even begin to pass itself off as a Bieber sex doll.

 The Sun pointed me toward a 5’2″ fuck doll that’s being sold on AliExpress for about $1,300.

The seller isn’t selling this mess as a “Justin Bieber sex doll,” because they don’t want to get sued. But everyone is calling it that way because they think it looks like him…

Those people need to e-mail me where to check my retinas, because their ability to see shit clear is obviously messed up if they think this looks like Justin Bieber.

It looks more like Chace Crawford halfway through a drag transformation. So basically, it looks way too hot and sexy to be Justin Bieber.

 

The Sun says that the unofficial Justin Bieber sex doll also comes (not like that) with your choice of dick size and eye colour…

Everyone should tell Selena Gomez that it looks just like him. Because if she could get herself a Justin Bieber look-alike that doesn’t talk, has a bigger dick and doesn’t have the ability to wet the bed, her dickmatization curse might break!

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