Tag Archives: Do you Need A Moment?

About My Previous Question…

Exactly puritan American. Kill each other but god forbid you have consensual pleasure.

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The Magnificent & The Insignificant

If you ever find yourself becoming a Disney princess and you need to get yourself the mandatory animal sidekick/buddy, choose a peacock. They look fabulous, are always ready for the club and if anyone fucks with you, they’ll rage peck them, their mom, their dad, their kid, their cousin, their auntie, etc… Peacocks are the kind of diva you don’t fuck with.

So because peacocks can be mean bitches, I’m not sure why someone would want them for an “emotional support pet” but one woman does and United Airlines wasn’t having it…

Despite being warned three times that Dexter the peacock would not be allowed to travel with her, conceptual artist Ventiko showed up at the airport anyway.

Dexter was promptly turned away by United Airlines, but not before creating a spectacle in the airport and igniting a fierce debate about the merits of emotional support animals and people’s perceived abuse of the system that allows them to travel.

Dexter, who has his own Instagram page (that should explain everything too), and Ventiko had to settle for driving all the way from New Jersey to California.

When you add up all the details in this saga, it looks like nothing but an stunt!!

Yup, I do understand the whole concept of emotional support animals. But truly, Dexter human bought him for an art installation and now, all of a sudden, he is her support animal? BIG FARCE! 

Dexter is too magnificent and too precious for the insignificance of his human. Not to mention jerks always ruin it for the people who have a real condition and need.

On a personal note, I would rather have Dexter as a seat mate vs the trashy species that fly with filthy clothes, or in pyjamas nowadays.

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The Past will Never Come Back

Before we get into this new komercial for Calvin Klein featuring the Jenndashian brothel playing a fun lobotomised version of the game “never have I ever,” let’s just give props for body inclusivity.

Twenty years ago Calvin Klein famously featured bulimic coked up models in their ads (with exceptions, of course) but now we’ve progressed to having a herd of mangled medical community practical jokes stretching the holy hell out of underwear together on a blanket. 

The members of the KarTrashians put their altered bodies and zombified personalities to the test in this kickoff video for Calvin’s new “Our Family” campaign.

  • Never have I ever taken a load on camera to advance my career. Kim
  • Never have I ever try to look like a fuck doll with all the alterations in my body. Kylie
  • Never have I ever inspired the look for the lead character in the Disney classic Beauty and the Beast. Khloé

The Kadashians are great for fun posts. 

But the reality is Calvin Klein died in the 90s, as Victoria’s Secret in the 2000s.

God created only one Kate Moss and Christy Turlington. And no male celebrity can beat the effortless hotness of a young Mark Wahlberg (aka Marky Mark).

Leaving the dark side of fashion aside, Calvin Klein was a thing of visual beauty that now RIP. Justin Bieber in undies? BARF!! Now these boring Kardashians… MEH!

Lingerie needs new brands and new faces, because the past will never come back.

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Because Children Are The Future…

… Teenagers are eating TIDE LAUNDRY PODS!

It’s understandable that a toddler might chow down on one of those Tide laundry pods. They’re colorful and squishy. Senior citizens with dementia are understandable, too (unfortunately there’s been deaths).

But apparently schoolers becoming deathly ill from eating them to fulfill a YouTube CHALLENGE!

They ARE candy colorful, sure, and a challenge is a challenge but WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Finally, old people angrily shaking their walkers at “these goddamn kids” makes perfect sense.

It’s terrifying that this needs to be explained to an able-brained human who hopes to go on to college and then maybe rule the world. But just in case, show your child a pod and say “DO NOT EAT”.

Or have The Gronk tell them…

Darwinian awards!

I actually hope they keep it up so we can eradicate anymore future idiots.

Or more possible idiots becoming a president.

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Mauricio… At this point, you may think I’m a slut but it’s not my fault this city is packed with hot guys that happen to like me for unknown reasons. In my ugliness I consider myself appealing, and I guess that’s good enough for horny boys and assorted predators.

Yes! I’m a victim of my charms.

So, Mauricio… Mauricio is a character out of some twisted Almodovar movie.

Mauricio asked me out the other day, he found me somewhere (not saying where) and I accepted because, YOLO!

Little did I know Mauricio actually has a boyfriend AND a girlfriend. Not to mention Mauricio is also an escort… ESCANDALO!!! Bitch is a very sexual hooker, but I’m an old vampire and I don’t get intimidated easily, specially not about sex.

He may be a whore but he’s only 23 and I’m immortal!

That said, after I asked him what he wanted from me, he said “You’re hot, want some fun?” I was a bit incredulous, and told him “I don’t pay for sex”… he laughed. “It’s obvious you don’t, but I’d pay you” making me realised for the thousandth time I would be rich if I were a hooker like him ’cause guys always offer me money for sex.

And if you don’t believe me it happened again today AT 7AM, because I’m cursed to find love, while men in heat know no rest.

Anyhow, since I was upset at Marc because he cancelled me again (for the last time. I told him to piss off!) I accepted to see Mauricio.

We didn’t have sex but I let him eat me out and show me his skills… He is obviously hot, and he wasn’t bad at eating my ass (which he praised) but I didn’t want him to fuck me, and he respected my decision like a gentleman.

I liked that. I liked his honesty and regardless of how he conducts his life, I value that.

Mauricio is not someone I need, but he wants to see me again today FREE OF CHARGE!!

I don’t know… I told him to text me later ’cause only god knows if a “decent” man will ask me on a date today and try to fuck me for free like most of them attempt.

Clearly, if there’s something more generous than a hooker, that’s me!

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If Julia Child was still kicking today and cooking her French ways on TV, she’d start each show going to her local fish market for some tobiko and salmon skin since sushi is apparently now penetrating croissants in the year’s first food trend. Quelle horreur!

The Los Angeles Times reports that Mr. Holmes Bakehouse, which has restaurants in California and Seoul, is serving the “California Croissant.” What, daresay, is a California Croissant, you ask? Everything nobody in their right mind ever asked for!

It’s a croissant topped with sesame seeds and stuffed with smoked salmon, ginger, wasabi, and seaweed… BARF!!

To the people who will line up for this:

Croissant and sushi are two things I love but NOT together.

This is a goddamn ABOMINATION!

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Rotten Boys

I think one of the biggest issues of most gay guys is that they take rejection too personal… which is the cause of all their interpersonal failures.

I’m not an exception at rejection, I’m nothing special myself, but when I felt that way I just walked the other way and tried again.

See, success is not to achieve whatever you have in mind, success is to never give up!

That said, Alex messaged me last night and got nasty when I said I was not interested… Giving me more reasons to avoid him.

Despite his horrible asshole attitude I don’t hate him, but I feel pity for him because he’s too young to be so rotten.

Negativity is a poison that kills whatever good slowly, and good looks fade really fast when you hate so much.

Perhaps that’s why so many gays look so done by 30? When you exude bitterness and jealousy instead of charm you know it’s time to take a shower and try again!

Sarcasm aside, it’s kind of sad to see so many people taking all so personal when life is too short to live frustrated. Just chill, turn the page and keep on moving.

Chances are you find someone 100 times hotter and into you.

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