Archives for posts with tag: Do You Need Some Attention?

Seen on the picture dressed like a child beauty pageant queen about to do a dance performance of the Dixie Chicks’ White Trash Wedding, Madonna has queefed out Medellin, the first single off her new album Madame X.

Madge has taken a much-needed break from terrorising the corneas of her Instagram followers with beyond filtered selfies from creepy HELL and has been using her social media pages to tease her new album and new song with my ex-husband Maluma.

The beginning starts with some whispery cha cha chas and Madonna letting us know that she auto-tuned her voice more than she filters her Instagram selfies, and then it’s just 5 minutes of an intro.

I kept waiting for the damn song to start. I thought I was going to get the sequel to La Isla Bonita and instead I got La Isla BOREnita.

Dear Madge,
It’s okay to retire from making new music, and just perform your hits and classics at a Vegas Show. You know, the shit people actually want to hear and remember you by.

Sincerely,
All your original fans.

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KFC is having a bit of a rebrand, and it turns out Colonel Sanders just got hella hot. And about 30 years younger.

If you thought their fried chicken was finger-lickin’ good, then you need to check out this new menu. And you can guarantee that his drumstick will have a lot less calories!

But, believe it or not, this isn’t actually a real model; this a CGI influencer version of Sanders. 

Taking the piss out of Instagram influencers, he writes: “I may be a restaurant mogul and international inspiration, but I’m still just a kid who loves being in the kitchen. #humble It’s important never to lose sight of the things that make you who you are.” LOL.

Well at least now you can go to KFC if you’re hungry, or thirsty!

From the Hollywood Reporter:

Asked whether she believes Wade Robson and James Safechuck, who accused Jackson of sexually abusing them for a number of years when they were children, Streisand replied, “Oh absolutely. That was too painful.” The singer and actress went on to describe Jackson as “very sweet, very childlike” when she met him a couple of times in person.

Considering the documentary’s depiction of Jackson, she said, “His sexual needs were his sexual needs, coming from whatever childhood he has or whatever DNA he has. You can say ‘molested’, but those children, as you heard say, they were thrilled to be there. They both married and they both have children, so it didn’t kill them.”

It didn’t kill them it only destroyed them from the inside out. And his ‘sexual needs’ were paedophilia, a crime and a horrific one at that!

Da fuck Barbra?! 

Now, I’ve been guilty of making terrible life-ruining mistakes like show affection to men, but even my dumb head knows that it’s probably not a good idea to ignore a barrier at a zoo to get a selfie with a JAGUAR unless I really want my obit to read: This dum dum died from being stupid!

But one woman at a zoo could’ve gotten sent to Jesus via a jaguar’s claw when she ignored a barrier to get a selfie with the big pussy.

Adam Wilkerson tells AZ Central that he, his mother, and two children were visiting the imprisoned animals at the Wildlife World Zoo, Aquarium and Safari Park in Litchfield Park, AZ, when they heard a woman screaming for help. They found the woman pinned up against a cage by a female jaguar who sunk her claw into the idiot’s arm. The jaguar attacked the woman after the woman jumped over a barrier between safety and the cage to take a selfie with her.

Adam and his mom are better than me, because I would’ve said to the woman-in-peril, “Girl, the fuck did you expect?”

Adam’s mom immediately grabbed a water bottle, pushed it through a hole in the cage, and tried to distract the jaguar. It worked. The jaguar took her mighty claw out of the woman’s arm, which allowed Adam to pull the lady away from the cage.

 

CNN says that the woman was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries and later released. She returned the next day to the zoo to apologize to the owner for the bad publicity and said she feels horrible about it. The jaguar is doing fine, and the zoo let us know that the cat won’t get an early kiss of death from the Grim Reaper:

Finally one where the animal is not blamed for human stupidity!

I just hope this sort of stupid doesn’t decide to breed.

The FlOpscars played last Sunday… And dude in the background was my thoughts exactly. He’s obviously thinking, “Bitch, it’s just Original Song, DAMN, it’s not that serious!

As expected, Shallow won Best Original Song, and Gaga may have out OMGICANTBELIEVEIT’d Taylor Swift in the manufactured reaction department.

If mirrors had eyes that could roll, Lady Gaga’s bathroom mirror definitely would’ve rolled its eyes a thousand times as Gaga rehearsed the speech she gave, complete with scripted dramatic sighs, a million times in it.

Gaga laid it on so thick that I wanted to fuck “it.” I truly don’t know what was more over-the-top: Gaga’s speech or her fake tan.

Regardless, Jennifer Hudson reaction was the best part of Gaga’s Razzie winner extra speech:

Truly, Im so over the fake shock and tears. She acts like an underdog while being a successful and famous artist for the last 10 years… WHY ALL THE THEATRICS?? 

Eminem and Three 6 Mafia won Oscars for best song, while excellent musicians such as Karen O never won.

This is a popularity contest and YOU are popular. Fucking CHILL! 

So, the prestigious Musée des BeauxArts de Montréal is about to open the magnificent Thierry Mugler expo, just like they did some years ago with Jean Paul Gaultier.

However when Gaultier came to Montreal for the opening, he also brought a REAL STAR, a GODDESS, a MUSE, none other than French Diva Arielle Dombasle.

I have no idea if Mugler is in the city, but attention whores needs attention, so Kim Kardashian is in Montreal right now because apparently she recently learnt who Mugler is and now she’s a fan…

Here are some pics of her TONIGHT that someone uploaded on social media.

Look at her! I bet she’s freezing her ass not wearing a coat ’cause it’s like -22°C tonight. I mean, if I was freezing walking home (and I’m used to extreme cold) I’m sure she was dying on that summer dress outside.

Anyway, Thierry Mugler deserves better. And Montreal too! 

CBS News reports:

“Empire” actor Jussie Smollett is in custody to face charges of making a false police report when he said he was attacked in downtown Chicago late last month by two men who hurled racist and anti-gay slurs and looped a rope around his neck, police said. Police spokesperson Anthony Guglielmi said prosecutors charged Smollett with felony disorderly conduct, an offense that could bring one to three years in prison and force the actor to pay for the cost of the investigation into his report of a Jan. 29 beating.

Former Cook County prosecutor Andrew Weisberg said judges rarely throw defendants in prison for making false reports, opting instead to place them on probation, particularly if they have no prior criminal record. Smollett has a record – one that concerns giving false information to police when he was pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence. According to records, he was also charged with false impersonation and driving without a license.

To be honest I had never heard of him until this.

My first impression was that he was really attractive. Sounds like he was talented too. But then this… And my biggest problem with THIS is he just made it harder for actual victims to be believed, and homophobic and haters to think they’re right.

Thanks for nothing, asshole!