Tag Archives: douchebags

Stormy Daniels Just Had To Go And Ruin Mario Kart For Everyone

“Mario Kart” has been trending all day today, and at first I figured it was because there’s a new game, or it’s the anniversary of that shit, or maybe Super Mario was killed off in a tragic kart accident.

It’s a billion times worse than the last one. 

Stormy has already said that her one-time fuck of terror with Trump lasted less than two minutes, but not she got more graphic…

The Guardian published an excerpt from Stormy’s new book Full Disclosure where she says that Trump doesn’t exactly have a Triple I-Y dick (an “Is It In Yet?” dick), but that he’s not as hung as his ego and it felt like a losing game of Mario Kart was being played in her pussy when he boned her.

She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small”.

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…

Stormy Daniels is an enemy of my teenage years for this!

Not only did she ruin Mario Kart for everyone, but the next time I’m at a Chinese restaurant and my plate of delicious pan-fried noodles arrives, I’m going to look at the fried noodles and the tiny wet mushrooms and think of Trump’s Yeti pubes and dick.

And then I’m going to have to ask for a box. No, not to take my food home, but to barf into.

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Theatrics

Hurricane Florence has taken several lives and left almost a million people without power. It’s tragic and dramatic on its own, but while reporting from Wilmington, North Carolina during the hurricane, Weather Channel reporter Mike Seidel decided to bring more drama…

He appeared to be bravely reporting while being buffeted by torrential rain and winds gusting at a hundred-something MPH that wanted to blow him away to the afterworld.

However, it looks like Mike is somewhat of a meteorological drama queen.

While Mike was acting like he was Helen Hunt in Twister, two dudes calmly walked by behind him, seemingly untroubled by the inclement weather.

It sort of diluted the moment.

A helpful PHD on Twitter also took the time to explain to us laypeople that, if you’re really gunning for a crown, you want to remember which way the wind is blowing.

Anyhow, my prayers are with those who are suffering this hurricane. Please stay safe.

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Trump Is Now Calling Out The Canadian Press

The Hill reports:

President Trump blasted the news media on Friday after apparently off-the-record comments he made about Canada were leaked, calling it another example of “dishonest reporting.”

Trump’s attack on the media came only hours after The Toronto Sun reported that Trump privately said he wouldn’t compromise in regards to trade with Canada.

It is unclear how The Sun obtained Trump’s remarks in the interview. Bloomberg editor-in-chief John Micklethwait attended the interview and did not dispute the authenticity of the remarks that The Star reported.

He calls it “dishonest reporting” when his statements are accurately reported… 

But the fact is, this asshole is a president and NOTHING he say is “off the record.”

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Kanye Kardashian doesn’t care about black People

Earlier this month, Kanye West was on Jimmy Kimmel Live!  where he talked about a lot of shit. 

Most of what he said was the generic Kanye non-sensical garbage: stupid philosophical questions with no basis in reality, how amazing he is at design *barfs*  his admiration of Donald Trump *uncontrollably vomits* etc.

But Kanye was stumped when asked about Trump:

“You so famously and so powerfully said, ‘George Bush doesn’t care about black people’. It makes me wonder what makes you think that Donald Trump does, or any people at all?”

Kim’s bitch stared at the ceiling hoping for an answer. When one didn’t descend and enter his righteous mind, Jimmy moved on to commercial.

Well, Kanye finally had enough time to think of his answer (a whole month) and he was ready to talk about it on 107.5 WGCI in Chicago. However, if you’re looking for a sensible answer from Kanye West, you are looking in the wrong place.

Kanye Kardashian said this about Trump:

“I feel that [Trump] cares about the way black people feel about him, and he would like for black people to like him like they did when he was cool in the rap songs and all this.”

Kanye continued by suggesting that Trump will “do the things that are necessary” to support the black community because:

“…he’s got an ego like all the rest of us, and he wants to be the greatest president, and he knows that he can’t be the greatest president without the acceptance of the black community.”

Realistically he can’t be the greatest president for a few reasons, just off the top of my head: the whole Mexicans are rapists thing, the “Grab em by the pussy” thing, that whole children separation thing, calling Omarosa a dog… IDK maybe I’m missing a few…

I guess no one has explained to Kanye that nobody on this planet except for Narcissus has the same kind of ego as he or Donald Trump because they’re pretty much are twins in delusion.

In fact, has anyone done any studies on how many brain cells a human loses when reading a Kanye or Trump tweet?

I also need to know where Kanye is getting his political information because he seems to think that he has some kind of perspective or insight into these topics?

He probably just follows that Blacks For Trump guy on Twitter.

Anyway, I don’t get why people keep asking Kanye about anything?

Dude needs intensive therapy and not interviews. But I guess Americans can’t recognise mentally deranged individuals. 

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Sarah Palin Not Invited To John McCain’s Funeral

NBC News reports:

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) has not been invited to attend funeral services for Sen. John McCain, her one-time running mate. A source within the Palin family told NBC News that “out of respect to Senator McCain and his family we have nothing to add at this point.”

“The Palin family will always cherish their friendship with the McCains and hold those memories dear,” the source added.

On Saturday, former Presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush will eulogize McCain during a service at the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. McCain will be buried in private at the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., on Sunday.

HA! Bye Felicia!

Oh Sarah… And back then I really thought Americans dodged a bullet. Turns out there was a torpedo just behind…

That said, nobody wants a bunch of trashy drunks at a funeral!

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Stormy Daniels: Trump Lasted “Two Minutes” In Bed

Vogue Magazine reports:

It is just after 10:00 a.m. on a Tuesday, still early morning in the world of adult-film stars and their entourages. Daniels is barefoot, in black skinny jeans with silver zippers at the ankles and a purple V-neck T-shirt.

With no makeup Daniels, 39, looks much younger than when she appeared on 60 Minutes last March and told 22 million viewers about her dalliance with Trump, about the hush money and the threat to her daughter and the nondisclosure agreement that she says Cohen forced her to sign weeks before the 2016 presidential election.

In person, she is nothing like that stoic, on-message woman. She is blunt, foulmouthed, funny. I ask her for more details on her alleged 2006 affair with Trump. “How many details can you really give about two minutes?” she says. Two minutes? I ask. “Maybe. I’m being generous.”

You’ll surely enjoy the full interview.

On the other hand, he probably make it last a little longer with Vlad…

Bad wig and his angry inch. Does explain his rage and constantly acting like an asshole! 

I fully trust this woman.

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Treason is More Popular Than Ever

It’s been one of the many lingering questions as of late: How far are Trump supporters willing to go to stick it to the libs?

Thanks to James Alicie and Richard Birchfield, two Americans from Delaware, OH, we now have a pretty good idea: all the way to Russia!!

Their smiling mugs are currently going viral on social media because they proudly wore T-shirts to Saturday evening’s Trump rally at Olentangy Orange High School in Lewis Center, stating, “I’d rather be a Russian than a Democrat.” Cleveland.com reporter Jeremy Pelzer snapped their photo.

I bet they were happy when Drago killed Apollo in Rocky IV.

Traitor President, traitor supporters. 

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