Tag Archives: Fail

Bears and Cocks…

Mascots are a common sight at soccer matches. Traditionally, these take the form of cute little children who escort the players onto the pitch to start a match.

Sometimes, as was the case before a game in Russia this weekend, the cute little children are swapped out in favour of a huge fucking bear:

The slave bear , whose name is “Tim” per the BBC, was the guest of honour at Saturday’s third division match between Mashuk-KMV and Angusht.

Now, I agree that a bear’s place should be the freedom in the wild and not “entertaining” dumb humans, but at least he looks healthy and well fed. Regardless, this bizarre spectacle would only make sense in the ferocious land that is Russia.

Now, Tim wasn’t the only animal paraded about on the pitches of Russian soccer last weekend. An angry fan of a second division club decided to register his frustrations with his team’s manager by hurling a live rooster onto the pitch in the middle of a game:

 

Bears and cocks? For being so homophobic, Mother Russia is really gay!!

In short, if this is what a random weekend of lower league soccer in Russia has to offer, I can’t even imagine the chaos awaiting this summer’s World Cup.

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Meanwhile In America…

Here I am catching up with my blog, you can tell is my day off!!

And by the latest news coming from America, you can tell the political scene doesn’t have a day off on scandals and wtf’s. It gets more unstable by the day… 

CNBC reports:

House Speaker Paul Ryan has privately told confidants he does not plan to run for re-election this year, multiple reports said Wednesday. The Wisconsin Republican could announce his decision “soon,” according to the news outlet.

The GOP faces a tough fight to hold on to a House majority in November amid Democratic enthusiasm and opposition to some policies pushed by President Donald Trump and the Republican-controlled Congress.

So… He’s retiring. 

For what I’m reading on the web, Americans are actually very happy about it.

Good for you Americans! Although he is not going straight to jail, as the catholic he is, I hope he’s aware that he’s going straight TO HELL.

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Trump: April Is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

The New York Daily News reports:

President Trump is getting a jump start on April Fools’ Day. Without a hint of irony, Trump announced Friday that next month will be dedicated to “sexual assault awareness and prevention.”

Trump, who has been accused of sexual misconduct by nearly two dozen women, said in a presidential proclamation that sex crimes remain “tragically common in our society”  and “offenders too often evade accountability.”

Okay… At this point, he’s just trolling EVERYONE!

But in all seriousness, we’re already aware that HE IS a sexual predator.

April should be Total Lack Of Self-Awareness month, instead.

Anyhow, in honour of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, this is for the women who live around the White House…

Be careful out there! 

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Craigslist USA Has Shut Down Their Personals Section Thanks To Congress

Traditional sluts who still used Craigslist’s casual encounters section are pouring out a bottle of Wet Platinum lube today over the loss of a classic ho shit tool.

Craigslist has closed the sticky, greasy doors of their personals section (which includes casual encounters and missed connections) after U.S. Congress passed an anti-sex trafficking law to make it easier for victims of sex trafficking and prosecutors to sue and go after sites for posting ads from sex traffickers.

While the bill was presented as a way to fight sex trafficking, it’s messing with sex workers and other people just looking to bone another consenting adult.

You all better collect possible fuck pieces on Grindr, Scruff, Tinder and AdultFriendFinder before they’re next!!

CNN says that on Wednesday, the Senate voted 97-2 to pass the bill, which is being called the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA). Techies fought against the bill, saying that it’s wrong to make sites responsible for what people post, and that a law like FOSTA messes with free speech on the internet. The Electronic Frontier Foundation says that the bill is going to do the opposite of what it’s supposed to and now sex trafficking victims, along with sex workers, are in more danger.

And you don’t need to be a wizard to know that next on the agenda is Pornhub, Xtube, etc. 

This is a sad day for closeted married daddies and assorted humans into random stuff. ..

Ladies and gentlemen, ROMANCE IS DEAD!

Now, if only Congress would close down Craigslist’s Pets section… The inhumane treatment of animals sold on Craig’s list is beyond horrific!! But yeah they don’t have an issue with animal cruelty, the forever issue is to dictate your sex life and nothing else.

Anyway, I find it rather ironic that Trump will be signing this…

He must get his hookers somewhere else.

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A Trump (Not The One You Think) Is Reportedly Headed For Divorce

The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. 

Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Trump’s cabinet.

A source claims that Vanessa isn’t happy, because she’d like to live her opulent housewife life in private and doesn’t like the attention that being the daughter-in-law of Trump brings (like opening up possible death powder sent to her house).

Vanessa is also upset about Don Jr. being gone all the time and think he’s changed. Not having to talk or look at Don Jr. seems like a blessing and a gift to me, but Vanessa is weird, because apparently it bothers her.

Also, I was surprised to find out that these two bitches are ONLY 40. Jesus! They look a lot older than I! They actually look like escapees from Madame Tussaud’s… In fact, Madame Tussauds called and she wants her wax and makeup palette back!

Those Trump boys are so unfortunate looking, it physically hurts.

Anyway Vanessa should follow Ivanka Trump’s advice and not get mad, get everything!

Well, except for the dead cheetah rug, moose antler table, lion head lampshade, endangered rhino skin bedspread, etc… Yeah that asshole… Killing animals more magnificent and intelligent than he could never even aspire to be.

Long story short, that whole family can burn!

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Four Times Married Christian Adulteress Kim Davis Releases Book On Sanctity Of Marriage

Oh America… Do you remember this crazy? She was news some years ago for acting crazy.

Via press release from the Liberty Counsel:

Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis released her new book, Under God’s Authority: The Kim Davis Story. This true story goes behind the scenes to reveal how God gave this unlikely candidate a platform to defend marriage and religious freedom.

In this amazing narrative of redemption and courage, Davis details her personal experience from the moment Kentucky’s governor ordered the state’s county clerks to issue same-sex marriage licenses, throughout her arrest and release from jail. Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee “It’s a great read. But more than that, this remarkable story of what God did in Kim’s life gives me hope for our nation. I think it will give you hope, too.”

“Kim Davis is one tough lady,” said Franklin Graham, CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and Samaritan’s Purse. “In a culture that demeans people who obediently follow Jesus, Kim Davis drew on His strength as she experienced—and endured—persecution from the culture, the court, and the crowds, and survived to tell about it all in her compelling book Under God’s Authority. Her story proves that one person can really make a difference when taking a stand for Christ!”

“While the church of Jesus Christ slumbers comfortably in their padded church pews, Kim Davis went to bat for all of us by challenging the seats of political power, going to jail for her faith, and ultimately planting a stake in the ground for religious freedom. My children and I will always admire her,” said Elizabeth Johnston, known as The Activist Mommy. Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin said, “When history called upon Kim, she was both ready and willing to respond. Will the same be said of you?”

The title, of course, is what Davis spat back when a gay couple demanded to know under whose authority she was refusing to issue their marriage license. On the other hand, one of those men (David Ermold) is running against her….

HAHAHAHA what a mess that country is, and WTF with the dumb reviews? Isn’t that governor Huckabee and the others supposed to be educated?

I guess education does not cure lunacy.

“Her story proves that one person can really make a difference…” And that person is David Ermold who had the courage to tell this mess to do her job!

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Meatball Pizza Bow

It’s been a couple of years since the American (because who else?) gourmet emporium of highly authentic Italian cuisine had pizza on their menu, but they made up for it by barfing up an artery-clogging abomination that looks like what a pizza would shit out if it had bowels and an asshole. 

Olive Garden’s Meatball Pizza Bowl is made up of a pizza dough crust bowl filled with sauce, cheese and meatballs.

It’s like queso fundido’s monstrous Italian third cousin.

It’s like the Jersey Shore cast in food form. And just like the Jersey Shore cast, you’ll probably get a major case of the tsunami shits after eating it.

The picture above is how the Meatball Pizza Bowl looks in Olive Garden’s styled Photoshopped ads, and below is what it looks like in real-life.

It looks like a prolapsed anus if you want that shit to sound culonary. *full-body vomit*

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