Archives for posts with tag: Flop

Seen on the picture dressed like a child beauty pageant queen about to do a dance performance of the Dixie Chicks’ White Trash Wedding, Madonna has queefed out Medellin, the first single off her new album Madame X.

Madge has taken a much-needed break from terrorising the corneas of her Instagram followers with beyond filtered selfies from creepy HELL and has been using her social media pages to tease her new album and new song with my ex-husband Maluma.

The beginning starts with some whispery cha cha chas and Madonna letting us know that she auto-tuned her voice more than she filters her Instagram selfies, and then it’s just 5 minutes of an intro.

I kept waiting for the damn song to start. I thought I was going to get the sequel to La Isla Bonita and instead I got La Isla BOREnita.

Dear Madge,
It’s okay to retire from making new music, and just perform your hits and classics at a Vegas Show. You know, the shit people actually want to hear and remember you by.

Sincerely,
All your original fans.

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CBS News reports:

“Empire” actor Jussie Smollett is in custody to face charges of making a false police report when he said he was attacked in downtown Chicago late last month by two men who hurled racist and anti-gay slurs and looped a rope around his neck, police said. Police spokesperson Anthony Guglielmi said prosecutors charged Smollett with felony disorderly conduct, an offense that could bring one to three years in prison and force the actor to pay for the cost of the investigation into his report of a Jan. 29 beating.

Former Cook County prosecutor Andrew Weisberg said judges rarely throw defendants in prison for making false reports, opting instead to place them on probation, particularly if they have no prior criminal record. Smollett has a record – one that concerns giving false information to police when he was pulled over on suspicion of driving under the influence. According to records, he was also charged with false impersonation and driving without a license.

To be honest I had never heard of him until this.

My first impression was that he was really attractive. Sounds like he was talented too. But then this… And my biggest problem with THIS is he just made it harder for actual victims to be believed, and homophobic and haters to think they’re right.

Thanks for nothing, asshole!

I wonder how many people on set had to resist the urge to pluck those pills off of Hailey’s dress, because they needed something to make them forget these two are going to be on the cover of Vogue?

Not that Vogue is relevant anymore.

Now, how are these two only 24 and 22?

Well, he actually looks like a teen lesbian with a shaved head, and all I see when I look at her is Stephen Baldwin in a dress.

Anyway, with this cover we have recorded proof of the exact second Vogue’s last shred of credibility finally dried up and floated away.

Brand whores rejoice! Think you can’t be a fashion icon AND have yellow pit stains and a coffee/soup melange up and down the front of your crisp white tee? Think again!

You can walk around with a clean white t-shirt for a minimum of 10 minutes before somebody walking by with a greasy croissant looks at you funny, while representing one of Italy’s most elite brands.

On Farfetch, is a Hanes Beefy-T with a small Prada logo sewed onto it for the prohibitive price $410, guaranteeing you will be one of a very select group of assholes who own the new Prada logo piqué T-shirt. Go ahead, treat yourself!

This so unique, so exclusive, so elite, so influencer, that it’s worth every penny… Seriously, anything more than $25 for a shirt is obscene.

Happy Friday hookers!

Turd-brained YouTube creep Logan Paul has never been the person to go to when trying to define the word “appropriate.” 

This is the hammerhead who tried to bring the lulz by posting footage of what was reportedly a suicide victim’s corpse that his rich, stupid ass stumbled upon in Japan’s Aokigahara forest. Which is why it’s unsurprising that he thought it would be hilarious to make a New Year’s resolution to “go gay for just one month”on a recent episode of his podcast Impaulsive. (CLEVER.)

Equally unsurprising is that some folks were irritated by this.

In the episode, Paul and his co-host Mike Majlak joked about following one New Year’s resolution per month. Via US Weekly:

“What is it, Male-Only March?” Paul said. “We’re gonna attempt to go gay for just one month.”

“For one month, and then swing … and then go back,” Majlak clarified.

Later, bitch “apologised” looking some more publicity for his podcast:

By doing this he’s pretty much saying homosexuality is a choice… What a backward way of thinking. This is the same clown who was also recently criticised for tasering dead rats.

Hey Logan, try not being a douche for a month. Bet you can’t. Then you’ll understand it’s who you are and not simply a choice.

BTW you’re not fooling anyone with that cotton candy textured Bieberesque comb-over, baldilocks.

This is beyond disappointing.

Ellen DeGeneres, one of the most famous and powerful queer people in the world, has extended herself mightily to exonerate Kevin Hart for his past homophobia, seeming to overlook the fact that he claims to have apologised back in the day (but didn’t) and that he is still extremely defensive, not apologetic.

On her show, he said that he’s apologised and admitted that those tweets were wrong and felt that stepping down from the hosting gig was the right thing to do because he didn’t want to take any attention away from the nominees. That’s when Ellen, who looked like she was minutes away from putting her hand up to his mouth and saying “I’mma let you finish” the entire time, finally had a chance to add her two cents.

“What we’re going to get to see on stage with you hosting the Oscars is sophistication, class, hilarity and you growing as a person,” she said. “Because most people would say, ‘I’m walking away … ’ For you to be the bigger man, for you to say I understand …and to not pay attention. There are so many haters out there. Whatever is going on in the internet, don’t pay attention to them. That’s a small group of people being very, very loud. We are a huge group of people who love you and want to see you host the Oscars.”

Really Ellen? Who is WE? Such a fucking victim he is!

This wasn’t some lame joke you could make a free speech argument out of, this was him saying he would hit his child if he sees them playing with dolls. Ignoring the homophobia (which BTW, seriously, Ellen, you of all people?) this was not a comedian in their “stage persona” attempting being funny or controversial. This was pure, unfiltered him bragging about threatening violence against another human being.

HE IS NOT FUNNY!

In yesterday’s Washington Post: Who Died and Made Ellen the Gay Pope?, appropriately bashing her for trying to speak for an entire community, to grant absolution she has no right to grant.

So…. Kathy Griffin’s comedy is “too mean” and precludes her from appearing on Ellen, but she’ll have on homophobe Hart and even advocate for him? What a fraud.

I’m all for second chances, but find Ellen’s hypocrisy in this instance to be pretty blatant.

And also, nobody wants to see a talentless runt host that shit!

Last year, a terrorist attacked an Ariana Grande in Manchester, England, and twenty-two innocent people were killed, as well as the suicide bomber. Two weeks after the attack, Ariana put together a benefit concert for the victims’ families.

Enter The British Honours Committee… They’ve apparently been so impressed with her efforts of throwing the concert and visiting injured victims after the attack that they wanted to offer her Dame status to which she kindly replied with “thank u, next.

The Sun reports that Ariana was offered a gong as Dame Commander of the British Empire during the New Year’s Honours which celebrate people who have performed an act of bravery in the United Kingdom. And although Ariana was flattered by their gesture she declined the offer. And no, it wasn’t because they told her she’d have to wrap that mile length ponytail into a tight bun and put on an ugly pantsuit that’ll cover 95% of her body. Mainly, she felt that accepting the honour may look tacky to the victim’s families.

Uh huh… I so totally believe that!

Seriously, what’s next? A peerage for Justin Beiber? A seat in the House of Lords for Cardi Wharever? A crown for Kanye Kardashian?

And how, exactly, was she brave? By continuing to exist after being backstage when a terrorist attacked her concert?

Since when is the Sun a reputable news source?

ABSURD AF!!