“Mario Kart” has been trending all day today, and at first I figured it was because there’s a new game, or it’s the anniversary of that shit, or maybe Super Mario was killed off in a tragic kart accident.
It’s a billion times worse than the last one.
Stormy has already said that her one-time fuck of terror with Trump lasted less than two minutes, but not she got more graphic…
The Guardian published an excerpt from Stormy’s new book Full Disclosure where she says that Trump doesn’t exactly have a Triple I-Y dick (an “Is It In Yet?” dick), but that he’s not as hung as his ego and it felt like a losing game of Mario Kart was being played in her pussy when he boned her.
She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small”.
“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…
“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…
Stormy Daniels is an enemy of my teenage years for this!
Not only did she ruin Mario Kart for everyone, but the next time I’m at a Chinese restaurant and my plate of delicious pan-fried noodles arrives, I’m going to look at the fried noodles and the tiny wet mushrooms and think of Trump’s Yeti pubes and dick.
And then I’m going to have to ask for a box. No, not to take my food home, but to barf into.