Tag Archives: Flop

Speaking of Gag Reflex…

After we were all hit in the face with a slimy ball of random in the form of the rumor that Donald Trump Jr. fucked Aubrey O’Day while his wife was pregnant with their third child, the investigative journalists at The Daily Mail went to work to look for proof of their affair… They may have found some.

Don Jr. and Aubrey supposedly started doing each other at the end of 2011 and broke up around March 2012.

The Daily Mail went through Aubrey’s twatter feed and found a tweet from March 2012 where her “babe” is protecting her feet from “bunion attacks.” Aubrey really typed the words “True Love Feet.”

Besides Don Jr., this is the worst thing that Aubrey O’Day has ever done, and that’s saying a lot since she also did the Trump-ified remix of Somebody That I Used To Know.

Feet love + Aubrey O’Day + Donald Trump Jr. = Your gag reflex doesn’t stand a chance.

His foot or his face? I really can’t tell the difference!!!

Let’s just say that Aubrey O’Day isn’t loving all of the attention… It would explain why she now looks like a tube of Bronzer after being pressed in a Kardashian mold.

Aubrey knew the world was going to find out that she probably boned Donald Trump Jr. and didn’t want anyone to recognise her.

She went from Tanya (looking like regular old white trash) to Tatiana (looking like an Eastern European escort). It sucks to see Aubrey going extra low, Damaged was my jam.

Anyway those Americans are the trashy gift that keeps on giving, and I am l-i-v-i-n-g, and I mean LIVING for this mess!!!

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A Trump (Not The One You Think) Is Reportedly Headed For Divorce

The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. 

Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Trump’s cabinet.

A source claims that Vanessa isn’t happy, because she’d like to live her opulent housewife life in private and doesn’t like the attention that being the daughter-in-law of Trump brings (like opening up possible death powder sent to her house).

Vanessa is also upset about Don Jr. being gone all the time and think he’s changed. Not having to talk or look at Don Jr. seems like a blessing and a gift to me, but Vanessa is weird, because apparently it bothers her.

Also, I was surprised to find out that these two bitches are ONLY 40. Jesus! They look a lot older than I! They actually look like escapees from Madame Tussaud’s… In fact, Madame Tussauds called and she wants her wax and makeup palette back!

Those Trump boys are so unfortunate looking, it physically hurts.

Anyway Vanessa should follow Ivanka Trump’s advice and not get mad, get everything!

Well, except for the dead cheetah rug, moose antler table, lion head lampshade, endangered rhino skin bedspread, etc… Yeah that asshole… Killing animals more magnificent and intelligent than he could never even aspire to be.

Long story short, that whole family can burn!

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Last Sunday the least relevant award took place and Timothée Chalamet didn’t win, nor Saoirse Ronan.

Instead all the praise was for The Shape of The Water

And now we know that all of those old grizzled-up crusty Academy members get off on human/fish porn. Sick bitches, they should get banned for life from buying gold fish!

In my opinion this is the Oscar they stole from Guillermo del Toro 12 years ago with the MASTERPIECE Pan’s Labyrinth.

The ONLY thing they got right was to reward the Chilean film A Fantastic Woman, a film about a transgender singer that faces scorn and discrimination after the sudden death of her older boyfriend.

And they also got right having Daniela Vega, the star of the Chilean film as the first transgender presenter at the Oscars. #SouthAmericaRepresents

Seriously, bitches didn’t even reward Sufjan Stevens for Mystery of Love that he performed accompanied by the fantastic St. Vincent. One word: ROBBED!!!

Anyway, the Academeh Awards stopped being accurate and relevant when in 1998 GODDESS Cate Blanchett lost to the insufferable Gwyneth Paltrow…. When Cate’s performance was 1000 times superior! 

Btw, someone has to mention how wonderful Faye Dunaway looks for her age.

And finally, I liked The Shape of the Water (Yes! Im into fish porn too,) but Call Me by Your Name was simply beautiful and actually kinda pisses me off they’re making a sequel because the film is perfect as it is. What’s the need to ruin it?! 

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Four Times Married Christian Adulteress Kim Davis Releases Book On Sanctity Of Marriage

Oh America… Do you remember this crazy? She was news some years ago for acting crazy.

Via press release from the Liberty Counsel:

Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis released her new book, Under God’s Authority: The Kim Davis Story. This true story goes behind the scenes to reveal how God gave this unlikely candidate a platform to defend marriage and religious freedom.

In this amazing narrative of redemption and courage, Davis details her personal experience from the moment Kentucky’s governor ordered the state’s county clerks to issue same-sex marriage licenses, throughout her arrest and release from jail. Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee “It’s a great read. But more than that, this remarkable story of what God did in Kim’s life gives me hope for our nation. I think it will give you hope, too.”

“Kim Davis is one tough lady,” said Franklin Graham, CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and Samaritan’s Purse. “In a culture that demeans people who obediently follow Jesus, Kim Davis drew on His strength as she experienced—and endured—persecution from the culture, the court, and the crowds, and survived to tell about it all in her compelling book Under God’s Authority. Her story proves that one person can really make a difference when taking a stand for Christ!”

“While the church of Jesus Christ slumbers comfortably in their padded church pews, Kim Davis went to bat for all of us by challenging the seats of political power, going to jail for her faith, and ultimately planting a stake in the ground for religious freedom. My children and I will always admire her,” said Elizabeth Johnston, known as The Activist Mommy. Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin said, “When history called upon Kim, she was both ready and willing to respond. Will the same be said of you?”

The title, of course, is what Davis spat back when a gay couple demanded to know under whose authority she was refusing to issue their marriage license. On the other hand, one of those men (David Ermold) is running against her….

HAHAHAHA what a mess that country is, and WTF with the dumb reviews? Isn’t that governor Huckabee and the others supposed to be educated?

I guess education does not cure lunacy.

“Her story proves that one person can really make a difference…” And that person is David Ermold who had the courage to tell this mess to do her job!

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Meatball Pizza Bow

It’s been a couple of years since the American (because who else?) gourmet emporium of highly authentic Italian cuisine had pizza on their menu, but they made up for it by barfing up an artery-clogging abomination that looks like what a pizza would shit out if it had bowels and an asshole. 

Olive Garden’s Meatball Pizza Bowl is made up of a pizza dough crust bowl filled with sauce, cheese and meatballs.

It’s like queso fundido’s monstrous Italian third cousin.

It’s like the Jersey Shore cast in food form. And just like the Jersey Shore cast, you’ll probably get a major case of the tsunami shits after eating it.

The picture above is how the Meatball Pizza Bowl looks in Olive Garden’s styled Photoshopped ads, and below is what it looks like in real-life.

It looks like a prolapsed anus if you want that shit to sound culonary. *full-body vomit*

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It was all supposed to be so simple… Go to India, show off our Indo-Canadian cabinet ministers, sign a trade agreement or two and cap it all off by gladhanding with everyone’s favourite world leader, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

Instead, trying-hard Canadian Prime Minister turned into a Bollywood parade of foreign gaffes.

The first days politicians refused to meet him (due to Trudeau’s support of Sikh separatist groups,) Trudeau was in India for several days without seeing the country’s Prime Minister… But this isn’t all that unusual.

India is a populous, emerging economy that generally has better things to do than hang around with the now  attention-whore America Junior.

Still, after numerous hug-saturated foreign trips, it’s a little discordant that Trudeau was brushed off by the huggiest leader in Indian history.

Seriously, dude hugs whatever moves…

Anyhow, the fact is Trudeau was acting like a clown ruining the honourable image of Canada with his tackiness.

But the gaffe-prone visit morphed into a full-blown foreign policy disaster when Surrey, B.C., businessman Jaspal Atwal was invited to a Canadian diplomatic event Tuesday where he was photographed next to both Sophie Gregoire Trudeau…

Atwal is also a convicted terrorist, having attempted to assassinate a Punjabi cabinet minister in 1986 while the latter was visiting B.C. Atwal was also charged, but not convicted, in the vicious 1985 beating of Ujjal Dosanjh, a vocal anti-extremist and later Liberal cabinet minister.

Keep in mind that this visit is happening amid widespread Indian accusations that Canada is nurturing a resurgence of extremist Sikh terrorism… And that the government is too incompetent to notice.

This was nothing more than a family vacation at our expense with a heavy dose of indecorum.

I guess, we can finally all agree that when it comes to World Leaders Justin Trudeau is without a doubt proven himself over and over again that he is NO LEADER whatsoever. 

The good news is, we can dump him the next election!

On behalf of my fellow Canadians, I apologise for all the embarrassment.

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Registered Sex Offender For Trump.Dating

Are you lonely? Are you tired of what Tinder has to offer? Have you noticed that every time you swipe right on the hottest single women in your area they always lean left when it comes to politics?

It’s time to make American dating great again with Trump.dating because compatibility starts with who you voted for this past presidential election.

On the site’s splash page, users are greeted by the smiling face of William Barrett Riddleberger, who it turns out is a convicted sex offender, as several local news outlets reported. Riddleberger was convicted in 1995 for filming himself having sex with a 15-year-old girl while he was in his mid-2os. His conviction is listed on public records.

I understand that no business is perfect but when you’re openly supporting someone as the face of your brand a small background check should be standard.

It would have been nice to see a safe space on the internet where you could grab women by the pussy outside of adultfriendfinder.com but this blunder is one for the books.

Anyway, I’m not surprise Trump has also a dating site, but just like the rest involving him I’m just going to go ahead and assume that all the profiles on this site are a lie, too.

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