Tag Archives: Hot Mess

Finland LAUGHS At Trump

Finns aren’t exactly known for their sense of humour.

These famously introverted Nordic folks have an often dark and sarcastic take on things, and most of their jokes have something to do with drinking, a favourite pastime, or poking fun at their equally odd neighbours, the Swedes.

However, the antics of Trump have once again proved fertile ground for comedy. The orange turd is the gift that keeps on giving.

His bizarre, off-the-cuff remarks about Finnish raking habits has given Finns a chance to showcase their quirky, sardonic humour to the world.

Trump’s comments were made in response to the tragic wildfires of California, where he has dug himself a hole of his own making by criticising forest management instead of showing Presidential support and empathy for the victims…

“You gotta take care of the floors,” he said. “You know the floors of the forest, very important… I was with the president of Finland… he called it a forest nation and they spent a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things and they don’t have any problem.”

The comparison is an odd one as Finland is much colder and wetter than California, and the forests contain tree varieties that are much less likely to catch fire.

And while he did mention the virtues of their forest management system, the Finnish President has claimed not to recall any such mention of raking.

Finland’s president, Sauli Niinistö, was like “Bruh what?”

Raking and cleaning forest floors is simply not a regular part of fire prevention in Finland!

The remark appears to be an attempt to justify Trump’s urge to point the finger of blame in the aftermath of a tragedy, similar to his distasteful comments following Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. 

In response, Finns have been taking to Twitter, rakes in hand, to mock the president SHITler  misguided remarks.

What will the internet do when the orange idiot is no longer President?

I think the world’s comedians will surely starve to death!!

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Franzia is that You?

The folks at Tide may finally be recovering from young dipshits thinking their pods were edible.

But I guess when they decided to re-brand their containers, they looked to the boxed wine they guzzled each night after a day of lecturing teens on why it isn’t great to eat laundry detergent.

Tide is hopping on the environmental train by coming out with a new eco-friendly container.

Sure, it’s going to help the world be a better place and you’ll definitely never see a sad video of a turtle with a Tide jug up its nose. However, this also looks like a colourful Franzia Box from the wine aisle.

Vox says Tide’s repackaged laundry detergent is a push to be friendlier to the environment and cut down on shipping costs. The new stuff has 60% less plastic and 30% less water than the old plastic bottle.

That’s great, but if idiots were eating Tide Pods, they’re most certainly going to start drinking this stuff like they’re getting their evening fix of Ramona Singer Pinot Grigio.

On a second thought, I do hope some dumb motherfuckers drink this.

The same ones that made Trump win.

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Death of a Kinkster

I was reading this article online about the death of an Australian gay dude who was living a “slave & master” relationship with his American lover.

You know, the gay world is more than same-sex intercourse; it’s very complex, full of labels, cliches and subcultures.

Stuff I personally avoid, because I love my uncomplicated life.

That said, when the gays see a fellow homosexual in the public sphere, they plug them into the dumb taxonomy the community has made for itself. 

We have our own stereotypes for each other, and they’re much more specific than you can ever imagine. They may not be very familiar to the world at large, but they are certainly familiar to the brothers in butt fucking.

Twinks, twunks, bears, otters, jocks, daddy, daddy chaser, pup, wolfs, cubs, chubs, circuit boys, gipsters, bulls, gym bunnies, gay-listers, show queens, queers, art fags, and so on.

It’s pretty exhausting and those are a mix of labels and subcultures. 

Although I’m not into “the scene,” I’m familiar with all this stuff because I worked in gay XXX for many years and I’ve seen all sort of things.

All that to say that I was sad and frustrated to read the story of this “pup,” (Jack Chapman) who died after injecting silicone in his genitals to enlarge the organ to grotesque proportions. But the thing is that Jack lived a “slave” lifestyle…

Perhaps for “fun,” but probably out of fear!

The circumstances surrounding Jack’s death have turned the spotlight on Dylan Hafertepen, Jack’s “master,” and the psychological abuse he allegedly endured along with a last-minute revision of a will.

The Australian News program The Project recently took a deep dive into this story.

It’s intense:

The Stranger‘s Daniel Villarreal took an even deeper dive, and once you’ve finished watching the above videos, and you want to learn more, you can check it out here.

Writes Villarreal: “The Seattle Police Department, when asked on October 30 if they are investigating Hafertepen, said: ‘The Seattle Police Department and King County Medical Examiner’s Office have reviewed the medical file related to this death, as well as concerns from the community. There is no criminal investigation at this time.’ Despite that, Hafertepen remains a much-discussed figure among a subset of the gay fetish community. Chapman’s death all but guarantees that his renown will turn to infamy.”

Okay…

I’m totally open to whatever makes you happy, but this is clearly abuse!

How does he not meet the criteria of an abused spouse? If the victim was a straight woman with a male “master” there would be a criminal investigation.

I guess it’s harder for some to see him that way due to his size and sex. But being banned from talking to family and required to sign a contract submitting to body modification? And let’s not forget about that suspicious will.

There are some kinds of consent that people cannot legally give, and here’s a great example. To me, this was a psychotic abuse masquerading as BDSM.

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2 Hours

Well this is very unusual so I have to write it down…

Usually my “dates” are great. Hot guys, fun/ok personalities and overall charming.

Last night I met Liam, and sadly, he was my first exception… (Surprising, considering two of my ex fuckfriends are Americans).

He was not bad looking but he was bigger than his pictures (I don’t mind a bit chubby but he was beyond that). His personality was also a bit too extra for my taste. But what turned me off, however, is the fact he stank! Omg what the fuck?

There’s nothing I hate more than bad smells.

I tried to stay in control and polite as possible talking about random stuff avoiding any approach, and then, when he suggested sex I kept it chill and said “I just met you…” (meaning I don’t fuck someone I just met, which is totally bullshit but, ugh!)

He got the message and I hope I didn’t look like a jerk but seriously, I didn’t care if I did. My hygienic body didn’t deserve that, not even for any amount of money.

And speaking of money… I have this other guy (Nick) whose fetish is to be a sugar daddy. Well, Nick is being after my old bones for some time and last night he sent me this totally random message…

I was like okay…

He works for a pharmacological firm and apparently he can afford his fetish, which is hot but what? Humans are weird. And this new generation a bit too much.

I swear, listening to Liam’s stories last night I could see how social media is affecting them, how dependent they are of it to move around. The need for acceptance, to belong and to stalk others lives. They can’t just form their own personality, but instead become a copy & paste of each other.

Anyhow, he got me tired, and despite that I couldn’t sleep.

I slept close to 2 hours, the same amount of time I gave to Liam to kill my boner last night.

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From 69 To 49…

Men have a very narrow window in which they can get a fair shake in life.

They’re at the peak of their powers between the ages 40 and 60. Any man below the age of 40 isn’t taken seriously, and sadly, any man over the age of 60 is practically invisible.

It’s not fair, and it’s not right, but it just is. And has been for centuries.

Well, one man is saying no more!

According to The Telegraph, Emile Ratelband, who is from The Netherlands, isn’t going to take his oppression sitting down. He’s filed a lawsuit asking the court to allow him to change his biological age, which is 69, to his heart age, which is 49 (metaphorically of course, his actual heart is also 69).

And he’s using the argument that transgender people can legally amend their sex, so he should have the right to change his age, which is fucking up his Tinder game.

Emile was sick and tired of being 69 (which, bro, that is obviously the BEST age, you fool!) and tried to get his local government to allow him to legally change it to 49, which is how old he feels.

Emile claims his doctor told him that he had the body of a 45-year-old… And Emile finds he doesn’t get the respect or attention his young body deserves…

You know, I’m an old vampire and I get Emile but he’s way too delusional.

He can lie about his age all he wants and he can get his age changed legally. BUT, his face is telling me 75!!! The official number isn’t going to change anyone’s boner.

Time to grow up before you’re dust in a box in someone’s closet, son!

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Christian Adulteress Kim Davis Loses Her Job

In related news…

Four times married Christian adulteress Kim Davis has lost her job as county clerk in Rowan County, Kentucky.

Davis, you surely recall, earned international headlines in 2015 for refusing to issue a same-sex marriage license on “God’s authority,” becoming a darling of anti-LGBT hate groups and going on to campaign for a failed same-sex marriage ban in Romania.

Davis lost to Democrat Elwood Caudill, who was endorsed by a local LGBT rights group. This is a real case where (as cheesy as it sounds) love WON over hate!

And speaking of douchebags, after firing Jeff Sessions, Trump is considering Fox News darling and sycophant Pam Bondi as next attorney general.

Seriously, WTF with all these haters? They’re clearly unloved and miserable.

For now, let’s celebrate Kim Davis lost re-election and snatch your own wig in rejoice! 

Because God doesn’t like haters.

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Even Axl Rose Wants YOU To VOTE

Shit is so deplorable in the United States that even Axl Rose, the lead vocalist of the iconic 90s band Guns N’ Roses (and the biggest douchebag in Rock,) is imploring his fans to get out and vote… And vote OUT the Republicans.

It’s a courageous stand to take for a guy whose fanbase has to be skewed toward Trump.

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