Tag Archives: Hot Mess

Mankind’s Destruction By Nuclear War Is “Only One Impulsive Tantrum Away”

Agence France-Presse reports:

Mankind’s destruction caused by a nuclear war is just one “impulsive tantrum away”, the winners of the Nobel Peace Prize, the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN), warned on Sunday as the United States and North Korea exchange threats over the nation’s nuclear tests.

“Will it be the end of nuclear weapons, or will it be the end of us?” ICAN head Beatrice Fihn said in a speech after receiving the peace prize on behalf of the anti-nuclear group.

Tensions on the Korean peninsula have spiralled as Pyongyang has in recent months ramped up its number of missiles and nuclear tests. North Korea’s leader (read: mentally ill bitch) Kim Jong-Un has exchanged warlike threats with US President (read: mentally ill bitch) Donald Trump, who has ordered a military show of force.

“The only rational course of action is to cease living under the conditions where our mutual destruction is only one impulsive tantrum away,” Fihn added.

You guys, this Christmas let’s all ask for this:

Let December be his last month in office. Followed by his first years in prison.

That’s all I want for Christmas, Santa!

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Stupidity knows No Bounds

In case you didn’t already know that cementing your head in a microwave is a really fucking shit-brained idea unless you want to die a slow, painful death, I am here to tell you that cementing your head in a microwave is a really fucking shit-brained idea unless you want to die a slow, painful death.

A YouTube prankster (read: IDIOT) came up with a really creatively dumb way to waste a microwave and some cement…

HuffPo says that Jay Swingler, a 22-year-old prankster from the town of Wolverhampton in England, recorded a Darwin Award-worthy stunt for the YouTube channel TGFBro that involved him trying to make a cement mold of his face.

Jay wrapped a plastic bag around his head (genius move #1), stuck a little tube in his mouth so he could breathe (genius move #2), put his head in a microwave (genius move #3) and let a fellow bro pour cement into the microwave (genius move #4). Weirdly enough, it’s kind of hard to pull your head out of a microwave filled with hardened concrete.

That mafia torture technique went south real fast!!

Jay’s douchebros spent 90 minutes trying to get his head out of the microwave, and they eventually had to call for help. West Midlands Fire Service spent an hour freeing Jay’s head from that concrete tomb of death.

They weren’t happy about it:

Jay is fine and his head didn’t suffer any kind of damage (although, he may have been brain dead while thinking up this stunt). Sure Jay’s bros could’ve pulled his head off of his neck while trying to get him out of that microwave and he could’ve suffocated to death, but it was all worth it, because that video has gotten over 1 million views so far…

Otherwise he would have died for real… of embarrassment!!

Jokes aside, there’s nothing funny about playing with your life. The need for likes and attention online is alarming, not to mention fucking retarded!

They should have just set that stupid bitch to “popcorn” and let it go. 

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State Department Issues “Worldwide Caution” For US Citizens In Wake Of Trump’s Move On Jerusalem

The State Department has issued a warning for U.S. citizens travelling anywhere in the world after the Trump administration announced its decision to move the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem, recognising it as the capital of Israel… WTF!!

The alert, posted on December 6, is a “worldwide caution” that asks U.S. citizens to be on high-alert when travelling.

“As terrorist attacks, political upheaval, and violence often take place without any warning, U.S. citizens are strongly encouraged to maintain a high level of vigilance and take appropriate steps to increase their security awareness when traveling,” it reads.

“In addition to concerns stemming from terrorism, travelers should be alert to the possibility of political unrest, violence, demonstrations, and criminal activities when traveling. Country-specific information pages and Travel Warnings should be consulted to obtain the latest data on such threats.”

A Secretary of State just told Americans your president has put you at great risk for loss of life and limb. Think about that for a second…

The president has prompted attacks on citizens. Beyond words!

And not only that, he’s about to start a war in Korea, and now the Middle East.

Bitch is going to kill us all. 

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So Much Denial

MassResistance is a hate group of out and proud homophobes who I guess believe that God hates fags, but LOVES flags!

A week ago, they held their Teens4Truth conference in Dallas to teach the youngins’ the dangers of the “gay agenda,” but those bigoted messes, opened with a routine that could easily be the official dance of the “gay agenda.”

The video starts out with some Family Dollar Fred Phelps introducing the opening act and saying that he has no idea what the audience is about to experience… (Uh huh… ) I hope that Family Dollar Fred Phelps clamped his gay-hating puffy ass ring together with an industrial-strength bag clip, because this fabulous performance swirled out by the Anti-Gay Queen of Anti-Gay Flag Dances can make even the deadest of b-holes pucker.

While dressed like a business casual Friday dad, Derek flutters onto the stage like a majestic homo butterfly, and you can tell he really feels the lyric, “Ride ’em down, one by one.” That line isn’t only a lyric in a song from an anti-gay flag dance, it’s also a line screamed at the lone bottom at a gay orgy.

Derek and his amazingly gay technicolor dreamwings make the gay angels squirt out giant tears of pure glitter as he flutters up a beautiful gay storm.

The weird thing about this performance is that the stage wasn’t crashed by a bunch of RuPaul’s Drag Race queens, because this is a lip sync for your life moment.

Let your gay flags fly, Derek!!

Seriously, those dumb homophobes… SO MUCH DENIAL!!!

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The Quebec Government’s Ban “Bonjour-Hi”

The unofficial greeting in the bilingual Montreal has long been a friendly “Bonjour, Hi!”

Well, the latest dumb issue causing controversy here in Quebec is about that.

In case you haven’t heard, Quebec politicians passed a motion prompting businesses to welcome customers with the “bonjour” instead of “bonjour-hi”.

The absurd was introduced by the outdated and VERY INSECURE Parti Quebecois. A political party whose only merit is to divide an harmonious multi-ethnic population, spend ridiculous amounts of money on a stupid “language police” and create racial issues.

Le Parti Quebecois sees English as an issue and not as an asset.

In the globalised world we live today they want nothing else but French… Not realising the new generation (and immigrants) speak at least 3 languages (French included). 

In 2013, an Italian restaurant was forced to remove “pasta” from its menu because it is not a French word… WTF! In 2016, a restaurant called La Mama Grilled Cheese in Quebec City received a letter from the language agency chastising them for their Anglicism, and so on.

Gladly I’m not the only person thinking this is beyond stupid.

A Montreal based comedian and talk show host, has also shared his opinion on the matter:

This guy definitely said it better, specially that #SalutBye…

Which is all those regressive politicians deserve. SALUT BYE!!!

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Trying TOO Hard…

I remember seeing the video clip of The Rolling Stones “Everybody Seen My Baby” back in the 90’s, with a young unknown Angelina Jolie in it and instantly fell in love with her beauty. But an Iranian Angeloonie has taken her love of Angelina a bit (read: fucking well past) further than that.

Unilad claims 19-year-old Sahar Tabar has gone through FIFTY surgeries to look like Jesus kinder sister (St. Angie) and well…

I don’t know what that is but I know its not good.

She’s admitted she “would do anything” to look like Angie, so I assume she filed adoption papers for 900 children to complete the look.

Some people claim the look can no way be the result of surgeries because she’s 19, they say it looks more prosthetic and Photoshop… Clearly these people haven’t met the Kardashians! Bitch looks like a rejected extra from the Walking Dead.

In fact her look says Corpse Bride more than Angelina Jolie.

I’m gonna pretend this is just an enormous joke and totally not real. 

Otherwise my brain won’t handle it.

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Black Friday Death Count

Every year when Black Friday comes along, madness ensues.

People lineup for hours in the hopes of saving a few hundred dollars, and when those doors finally open, all hell breaks loose.

These uncivilised humans fight each other for products, while other literally tear it out of each others hands, so it’s no wonder than every year a lot of people get injured in the chaos of embarrassing consumerism.

Some even die…

Last year there were 3 deaths in America on Black Friday.

  • In San Antonio, a man tried to help a woman being beaten in a Walmart parking lot. He was shot.
  • Someone got shot over a Walmart parking spot fight in Reno
  • And there was a deadly shooting at a New Jersey mall.

So many bad things happen that there’s is actually a website that tracks every death and accident caused by Black Friday madness.

Now, this website tells you how many people died so far, and the last time I checked it, the count was at 10 death and 105 injuries.

Luckily those didn’t all happen this years, otherwise I’m pretty sure Black Friday would no longer exist (then again the American society is Pro-gun).

Here are the stats from the last 10 Black Friday sales, as well as a few honourable mentions.

Yup, absurd barbaric violence comes at 75% off in “the first world.” As idiotic as it sounds.

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