Tag Archives: Hot Sluts

Air PEEN

The New York Times says that on Thursday, the people of Okanogan County in Washington state looked up at the sky and thought, “I didn’t know that Tommy Cruise was already shooting Top Gun 2, and I didn’t know they were shooting it in Okanogan County.”

The Navy is filled with sea men, so we all should expect them to draw fat dicks in the sky and we should salute them for it. But some people weren’t into itincluding a mom who complained about her young children seeing it… Young children who have probably scrawled raunchier shit on their textbooks during class.

I know fucking ridiculous!!

The commander of Naval Air Forces, Vice Admiral Mike Shoemaker, says that the air crew responsible has been grounded, and they’ve opened up an investigation, because this is important… “Sophomoric and immature antics of a sexual nature have no place in Naval aviation today. We will investigate this incident to get all the facts and act accordingly.”

Shit is absurd in America! They have a dick as president and nobody seem so offended.

Nobody has a goddamn sense of humour anymore. The pilot who did this, deserves to be promoted and given daily assignments for similar art!

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Austria’s Giant Dick

Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio is hanging his head low and has dropped his arms today, because thousands of miles away is a statute that is a million times more glorious, stands much more erect and makes many more people scream, “OMG!”

Metro says that 6,211 feet high atop Mount Oetscher in the Austrian Alps is a giant wooden boner that is pointing straight up for the sex gods.  

Blogger Marika Roth came across it while hiking, and she shared pictures on Facebook of the biggest dick to come out of Austria since Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Many, including the Oetscher ski lift operators, are wondering how that timber cock got up there.

Did two gold medal-worthy power bottoms with extra-strength assholes do ass to ass with that thing and then carry it on up there with their butts? Did a bunch of dick-loving woodpeckers carve that beautiful thing out of a trunk? Is it truly a gift from the gods?!

The Poke thinks that maybe the wooden dick of Oetscher was created because of a Finnish pastime called “leirikyrpä” (camp cock), which involves campers passing the time by carving dildos out of wood…

Feeling like camping anyone? Regardless, sent from heaven or hand made this monument totally fit ’cause Austrian dudes are total dicks!

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Imaginary Dating Apps

Checking Youtube I found the sketch-comedy series called Hot Date , and after watching few episodes it made me realised that contrary to popular belief, there just aren’t enough dating apps alreadySo I thought we need new ones.

Any developers out there reading my shit, let’s have a talk and go halfsies on one of these….

N*Terest

If you ever find someone who’s interesting, smart, attractive, and nice, marry that person immediately, because there are only 12 of them. Until then, download this app, which guarantees that everyone you meet will, at the very least, be interesting. All users are required to pass a rigorous test during which they must carry on a conversation without mentioning jobs, sports, money, family, or “where you’re from originally” for a minimum of six minutes.

XXX

This app lets you browse pics and descriptions of everyone’s exes, because the best way to get to know someone is to evaluate everyone they’ve ever dated.

UnEtiKal

This app will target career oriented people into going on dates with professional superiors in exchange for career advancement.

69

Science (aka my life) has determined that two months and few days is the ideal length to keep a sexmate. Meet someone cool, have lots of sex with it and then get out before you get bored or dickmatized. This app ensures your affair ends before feelings get involved by automatically blocking each other after 69 days. 

Seriously, you don’t wanna be dating some asshole checking his Snapchat or whatever every 3 seconds. You and I deserve better and maybe, there’s an app for that.

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11 Minutes Of Glory

Not all heroes wear capes, some also wear layers of Idontgiveashit!

Yesterday, twatters on Twitter wondered why the place was a tiny bit more quiet than usual and why it no longer totally smelled like a flaming over-filled toilet.

Donald Trump’s personal Twitter account was deactivated and stayed that way for 11 beautiful minutes. That was long enough for everyone to play “Celebration” two and a half times.

Trump’s Twitter account wasn’t deactivated by an internal White House spy who finally had enough… Twitter also didn’t suddenly decide that “threats of war” violate their violent threats policy.

Trump’s account was deactivated by a Twitter customer support employee who went out with a bang on their last day, and the bang was the sound of a finger hitting the deactivate button on @realDonaldTrump.

After Trump’s account was re-activated, Twitter blamed it on “human error,” but then after conducting an investigation (read: watching surveillance footage of the employee flipping off the computer screen and hitting the delete button before lighting a cigarette and stomping out of that bitch), they discovered that the ex-employee went all Inetta the Moodsetta by leaving the job in a spectacular way.

Anyhow, those were 11 minutes of glory and nearly every citizen of the world’s fantasy when that Bye Bitch button was pressed!

The whole humanity finally got a break from the insane Orange jerk.

Twitter hero, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

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The ZOMBIE Frappuccino

Starbucks’ latest diabetes-inducer, the Zombie Frappuccino has arrived. 

I won’t lie, I love anything related to Halloween and for that sole reason I may try that shit even if it goes against my principles, because I find Starbucks overrated and retarded.

Overpriced coffee and unhealthy sugary drinks are not for me.

Starbucks describes the drink as “a chilling concoction of green caramel apple, a drizzle of dark mocha, and pinkish whip”. 

However, Pajiba reviewed Starbucks’ latest abomination a bit different…

In case you’re wondering what that cup of baby diarrhea and half-blended up worms tastes like, here’s the answer… SPOILER ALERT: It tastes like wasted money!

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France’s First Dog Took A Piss During A Meeting

On Saturday, French President Emmanuel Macron was having a highly important meeting with junior ministers at Élysée Palace, and I guess his dog Nemo didn’t agree with what was being said and he gave them his review of their conversation by making a oui oui on a fancy fireplace.

I was going to call Nemo uncouth for pissing in a fancy palace, but the French aristocrats of the olden days were kinky fucks, so I’m sure that fireplace has been touched by plenty of la piss, le jizz, and le whateverelse.

As for why Nemo didn’t pull that trick when Trump visited, the pooch probably figured that so much shit was being spewed from Trump’s mouth that it would be best he didn’t add to it. Nemo’s conscientious like that!

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UPS Dogs

If you’re a postal worker, the best part of your day is probably your customers’ dogs. You look forward to their wagging tales and warm greetings whenever you pull up in their owner’s driveway, and you always have a treat ready for them.

UPS driver Sean McCarren knows this all too well, and has created the best Facebook group ever to pay tribute to the furry friends that make daily routes a heck of a lot happier.

UPS Dogs is a nation-wide network of canine-loving ‘big brown truck’ drivers who post pictures of the pups they become acquainted with along their delivery schedule. Some of them have known their clients’ dogs for years, and have worked out complex treat-exchange systems with them.

The group has been going strong for 5 years now, and is still moderated by McCarren himself. “It’s a good example of the relationships our employees build with their customers, two- or four-legged,” a UPS spokesperson told Buzzfeed News.

If this is why my packages are always late … I’ll allow it!!

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