Tag Archives: I CAN’T

Trailer Of A Mess

When the serial rebooters known as Netflix shared the first pictures from the She-Ra reboot, I got up out of my chair, walked to the nearest wall, and did an open-mouthed cry wall slide over those evil butcherers transforming the 80s goddess of mythological glamour into a tragic mess.

But after I pulled myself up off the floor and whispered, “You’re my only She-Ra,” into my She-Ra doll’s head, I told myself that the She-Ra reboot isn’t for me, but for the children of today, and now the children of today got their first look at their Baby She-Ra in action.

The teaser trailer shows Sailor Moon’s white second cousin (aka the new Adora a.k.a. She-Ra) getting lured into the forest by a stranger’s voice…

Somebody should really tell Adora that if a strange voice tries to lure you into the forest, run the opposite way and call the cops!!

To me, it still looks like anime as drawn by the worst student in a high school animation class. With that being said, I am not watching Fetus-Ra, because I am not a damn kid. But mostly, because Netflix is not making any justice the iconic cartoon.

She-Ra is supposed to be woman, not a girl. And should be looking like this:

One word: MEH!

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Pedo Got Hurt

It appears there are two possible ways to react if you’re a famous American politician and have recently found yourself humiliated at the hands of Sacha Baron Cohen on his Showtime series Who Is America?

If you’re Georgia Republican state Rep. Jason Spencer, you might pull up your pants and resign in an attempt to save what little shred of dignity you might have left.

If you’re Sarah Palin, you would throw an internet tantrum and claim you were duped.

Former Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama (and creep) Roy Moore looked like a fool on Who Is America? in a segment involving a fake pedophile detector, and now he’s suing for $95 million.

Last year, Roy Moore became a household name when four women came forward during Roy’s bid to run for Alabama senate, and accused him of hitting on them when they were underage girls (Roy lost to the Democratic candidate).

As you can probably guess before even hitting play on this video, Erran’s pervert-wand beeped like crazy when it came near Roy Moore.

Skip to the 2:46 mark to watch Roy look extremely uncomfortable before walking out of the interview.

How stupid do you need to be to believe in a pedo-detector? The fallout of the Trump administration is showing us just how incredibly stupid some of those people in office are.

Dupe them via their own hubris and stupidity and suddenly THEIR hurt feelings are important enough to warrant everything. 

I’m not a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen, but he’s crazy enough to fool those fools.

That said, good luck with that you disgusting piece of shit!

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Satan Refuses To Accept Any More Catholic Priests

Following the stories of sex abuse scandals in the catholic church this week…

NINTH CIRCLE HELL reports: 

Stressing that the situation in the underworld was quickly spiralling out of control, Satan, the Great Tempter and Father of Lies, announced this week that he would not allow any more Catholic priests to enter hell.

“This place is completely overrun with those monsters, and frankly, they kind of creep me out,” said the Prince of Darkness, adding that every time he looked up, he saw another recently deceased member of the Roman Catholic clergy being cast down into the fires of hell, where each is expected to be tortured until the end of time by Satan and his minions.

“We’re used to having every manner of unrepentant sinner down here, but those guys are beyond messed up. I swear, if I see one more of those sick bastards, I’m going to throw myself into the eternal flames.”

In response, God has reportedly instituted a secret policy whereby the priests would no longer face damnation but would instead attend mandatory counselling sessions and then be quietly transferred into heaven.

Well, I have some news for God… Rapist don’t get cured, neither paedophiles. 

And we’re supposed to believe that gays are the threat to all things holy? That gays are the perverts? That it’s gays who are intrinsically disordered? Saying stuff like gay couples “are not families”? This is why I CAN’T with the catholic church.

A corrupted criminal organisation that hides and protects child molesters since forever.

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Kanye Kardashian doesn’t care about black People

Earlier this month, Kanye West was on Jimmy Kimmel Live!  where he talked about a lot of shit. 

Most of what he said was the generic Kanye non-sensical garbage: stupid philosophical questions with no basis in reality, how amazing he is at design *barfs*  his admiration of Donald Trump *uncontrollably vomits* etc.

But Kanye was stumped when asked about Trump:

“You so famously and so powerfully said, ‘George Bush doesn’t care about black people’. It makes me wonder what makes you think that Donald Trump does, or any people at all?”

Kim’s bitch stared at the ceiling hoping for an answer. When one didn’t descend and enter his righteous mind, Jimmy moved on to commercial.

Well, Kanye finally had enough time to think of his answer (a whole month) and he was ready to talk about it on 107.5 WGCI in Chicago. However, if you’re looking for a sensible answer from Kanye West, you are looking in the wrong place.

Kanye Kardashian said this about Trump:

“I feel that [Trump] cares about the way black people feel about him, and he would like for black people to like him like they did when he was cool in the rap songs and all this.”

Kanye continued by suggesting that Trump will “do the things that are necessary” to support the black community because:

“…he’s got an ego like all the rest of us, and he wants to be the greatest president, and he knows that he can’t be the greatest president without the acceptance of the black community.”

Realistically he can’t be the greatest president for a few reasons, just off the top of my head: the whole Mexicans are rapists thing, the “Grab em by the pussy” thing, that whole children separation thing, calling Omarosa a dog… IDK maybe I’m missing a few…

I guess no one has explained to Kanye that nobody on this planet except for Narcissus has the same kind of ego as he or Donald Trump because they’re pretty much are twins in delusion.

In fact, has anyone done any studies on how many brain cells a human loses when reading a Kanye or Trump tweet?

I also need to know where Kanye is getting his political information because he seems to think that he has some kind of perspective or insight into these topics?

He probably just follows that Blacks For Trump guy on Twitter.

Anyway, I don’t get why people keep asking Kanye about anything?

Dude needs intensive therapy and not interviews. But I guess Americans can’t recognise mentally deranged individuals. 

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Can he die Instead?

Politico reports:

Speaking at a rally in Pennsylvania on Thursday, Trump claimed he had actually arrived 15 minutes early for his meeting with the “incredible” queen, slamming the “fake, fake, disgusting news” media reports that noted he had been the one who was late.

The president’s visit to Britain was broadcast live on television, including footage of the 92-year-old queen waiting for Trump for 12 minutes and looking at her watch.

“I landed and I’m on the ground and I’m waiting with the king’s and the queen’s guards,” Trump told his supporters. “I’m waiting. I was about 15 minutes early and I’m waiting with my wife and that’s fine. Hey, it’s the queen, right? We can wait. But I’m a little early.”

WTF?!!!! Does he really think the whole world is as idiotic as his supporters? LIES, LIES, LIES, and more LIES are all we hear time after time and time again.

He was fucking late to meet the Queen and the whole world saw it LIVE!

I’m really exhausted of him, he’s an embarrassment. I have no idea why he still President.

So he said: “I landed and I’m on the ground and I’m waiting with the king’s and the queen’s guard. 

Just one example of how fucking stupid and ignorant he is, the Queen’s husband is NOT THE KING. Yup! The American President.

Why is always the wrong people the one dying?

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Kim Whoredashian Suggested Tyson Beckford Is Gay Because He Doesn’t Like Her Body

It seems like just yesterday the internet was getting mad at Kim Kardashian for being obsessed with how skinny she was and already the internet is mad at her for something else. …Oh yeah! It was just two days too. Way to keep that exposure rolling, Kim!

The Huffington Post reports (because real news is dead) that Kim started a mild internet beef with Tyson Beckford after he swatted away a pic of her and labelled her body as not his thing because the USDA would never certify it as organic and because she should go on Botched for her botched hip job.

This all started after some Instagram model-type person named Amirah Dyme posted a picture of Kim to her Instagram account. Because Tyson is apparently one of Amirah’s 1.6 million followers, he decided to comment on the photo of Kim and give his two cents on her body.

The Shade Room took screenshots of the comments because someone had to:

I never really noticed Kim’s right hip, because I was too busy screaming as my eyes burned after looking at her hideous plastic hoof covers. 

Well, Kim was not having it. A man talk shit about how he didn’t want anything to do with her body? A man not find Kim Kardashian a sexual deity? Impossible, and clearly gay!!

And Kim suggested as much writing: “Sis we all know why you don’t care for it”. The Shade Room got a screenshot of their own screenshot because that’s how meta they are:

That tea-drinking frog is straight up aggressive. And the nails? That’s the wrong shade of pink! Twitter had mixed reactions to Kim’s klapback, some thought it was klever, others thought she was being a messy homophobe.

Is Kim right? Did we all know Tyson Beckford is gay? Because I sure the fuck didn’t, and I’m honestly upset no one told me.

Those muscles? That face? Those lips? FUCK ME Tyson Beckford!!

Now, for the kids who doesn’t know who Tyson is, well Tyson is a SUPERMODEL and he was ONE of the HOTTEST models of the 90s.

He has the authority to judge beauty and plastic when he sees one.

Tyson is natural perfection.

On the other hand, Kim is 98% plastic, 2% Air.

She can fuck off! The end.

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The Fall of Beauty

When I heard that Netflix and Dreamworks Animation were joining forces to bring She-Ra into the now, I prayed to Jesus to not let them mess it up.

Well, it’s now confirmed that Jesus doesn’t exist because Netflix released the first official pictures of the new She-Ra
and it’s a MESS!!

Those butcherers turned She-Ra and Catra into Fetus-Ra (or an Elf?) and Kidtra.

There’s some die-hard She-Ra nerds like myself who are crying about the new design because the new She-Ra’s NOT SEXY like the 80’s animation.

I get the “objectification” thing and the fact that society is oversensitive but it’s classic/cult cartoon for God’s sake!

Why in the new cartoons/reboots all characters must look like they still haven’t hit puberty? It’s STUPID!!!

The real problem is that She-Ra looks like she was drawn with Crayons by a 12-year-old who flipped through a manga once real fast, and looks like she can’t battle evil after 8 PM because that’s when her curfew is.

And Catra is no longer an evil goddess of perfection who destroys her enemies with her glamour. She’s now an angsty tween who looks like the only thing she destroys is her bedroom wall by carving an anarchy sign into it while listening to Fall Out Boy.

Truly, what’s this mess?!!!

In case the original She-Ra isn’t cemented in your brain like mine, here’s what she and some of her friends looked like:

And this is Catra:


Whats’s wrong with being hot and sexy while kicking ass??

80’s cartoons were a thing of beauty.

The new version is so ugly. Gosh! WTF Netflix?!!

STOP. FUCKING. WITH. MY. CHILD. HOOD!

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