Tag Archives: I CAN’T

Why everyone is so Shocked and Upset?

Yesterday on the internet every single page had Ariana Grande on the news.

At first I thought she died. But then I realised society was just being dumb.  

Ever since she broke up with the meth face guy, Ariana have followed up her always-in-the-media relationship campaign with a mostly-in-the-media break up tour.

Apparently, her show is not over. Now she has moved into the next phase of her post-engagement renaissance: a dramatic haircut!

She revealed the “dramatic change” to everyone on Instagram.

And I put the words “dramatic change” in quotations because, what? I need someone to explain why everyone is so shocked and upset about this?

Some of her fans were commenting such extreme reactions as: “OMGOGMGOG” and “Noooooooooooooooooooo”.

What I want to know is: do these people really think all that hair was HERS and didn’t involve just  removing some extensions and a fake pony tail? 

No wonder some people believe the Kardashians are “natural”.

Anyway, now she doesn’t have to mess with it during oral.

On the other hand, she looks like 12 with all those idiotic snapchat filters.

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Trump Skipped Honouring Fallen American Heroes

ONE day into his tour of France, Donald Trump has already called Emmanuel Macron “insulting” and now he’s under fire for skipping a WWI ceremony, reportedly because of bad weather.

Meanwhile, the rain did not stopped French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau from visiting memorials.

Trump was in Paris for the 100th anniversary of the end of the First World War… What a FUCKING DISGRACE that asshole is! 

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Satanists Are Suing Netflix

Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is getting sued by The Satanic Temple.

Are they suing them because we really did not need a remake of another beloved 90s show just with a dark twist?

No. They’re suing them for using their copyrighted monument design and also misrepresenting the deity as “something evil”. Satanists suing for suggesting Satan is evil? Hmm…

A bit late for that, methinks.

The Cut is reporting that The Satanic Temple’s co-founder Lucien Greaves sent out a tweet about The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina being total trash and that they would be calling their lawyers:

The legal specifics have not been reported, but Lucien wants Netflix to remove the statue from their show, also confirming that the Satanists lawyers (which they probably have a ton of… get it? Because lawyers go to Hell?) have sent a letter to Netflix telling them to cease and desist.

The Satanic Temple co-founder, Malcom Jarry also chimed in, saying: “If a resolution cannot be worked out, we will take aggressive actions to protect our copyright.”

HAHAHAHA okay….

I swear that whole country has gone NUTS, just friggin nuts!

As for the Satanists I would have thought they would have done some sinister/evil shit instead of calling their lawyers?

Those fools at Netflix should have really thought twice before messing with Satan.

That’s right, honey! This ain’t no game! Even Satan wants his 10%.

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Uh huh…

Remember when Gaga first hit and she was wearing all sorts of headpieces and veils to disguise that schnozz? Well, “fuck you” money equals a “fuck you” nose.

Stefani told Sky News at the Star Is Born in London that, like her idol (Barbra Streisand,) she also refused to cut off her nose because it would have spited her face or some other badly-used analogy concerning rhinoplasty

Unlike Babs’ 1976 version of A Star is Born, Gaga’s upcoming version is already getting good reviews. As for whether or not she’s ever had her schnoz rotated and cinched, I’ll let celebrity plastic surgery sites spit up their evidence.

Why lie about something so trivial and easily documented?

You know, there’s nothing wrong to fix whatever you want to fix, but it’s ridiculous to lie about something so obvious as if people are stupid (the majority probably are).

She’s talented but annoying. The lip injections and nose job are clear. Period.

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Trailer Of A Mess

When the serial rebooters known as Netflix shared the first pictures from the She-Ra reboot, I got up out of my chair, walked to the nearest wall, and did an open-mouthed cry wall slide over those evil butcherers transforming the 80s goddess of mythological glamour into a tragic mess.

But after I pulled myself up off the floor and whispered, “You’re my only She-Ra,” into my She-Ra doll’s head, I told myself that the She-Ra reboot isn’t for me, but for the children of today, and now the children of today got their first look at their Baby She-Ra in action.

The teaser trailer shows Sailor Moon’s white second cousin (aka the new Adora a.k.a. She-Ra) getting lured into the forest by a stranger’s voice…

Somebody should really tell Adora that if a strange voice tries to lure you into the forest, run the opposite way and call the cops!!

To me, it still looks like anime as drawn by the worst student in a high school animation class. With that being said, I am not watching Fetus-Ra, because I am not a damn kid. But mostly, because Netflix is not making any justice the iconic cartoon.

She-Ra is supposed to be woman, not a girl. And should be looking like this:

One word: MEH!

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Pedo Got Hurt

It appears there are two possible ways to react if you’re a famous American politician and have recently found yourself humiliated at the hands of Sacha Baron Cohen on his Showtime series Who Is America?

If you’re Georgia Republican state Rep. Jason Spencer, you might pull up your pants and resign in an attempt to save what little shred of dignity you might have left.

If you’re Sarah Palin, you would throw an internet tantrum and claim you were duped.

Former Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama (and creep) Roy Moore looked like a fool on Who Is America? in a segment involving a fake pedophile detector, and now he’s suing for $95 million.

Last year, Roy Moore became a household name when four women came forward during Roy’s bid to run for Alabama senate, and accused him of hitting on them when they were underage girls (Roy lost to the Democratic candidate).

As you can probably guess before even hitting play on this video, Erran’s pervert-wand beeped like crazy when it came near Roy Moore.

Skip to the 2:46 mark to watch Roy look extremely uncomfortable before walking out of the interview.

How stupid do you need to be to believe in a pedo-detector? The fallout of the Trump administration is showing us just how incredibly stupid some of those people in office are.

Dupe them via their own hubris and stupidity and suddenly THEIR hurt feelings are important enough to warrant everything. 

I’m not a fan of Sacha Baron Cohen, but he’s crazy enough to fool those fools.

That said, good luck with that you disgusting piece of shit!

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Satan Refuses To Accept Any More Catholic Priests

Following the stories of sex abuse scandals in the catholic church this week…

NINTH CIRCLE HELL reports: 

Stressing that the situation in the underworld was quickly spiralling out of control, Satan, the Great Tempter and Father of Lies, announced this week that he would not allow any more Catholic priests to enter hell.

“This place is completely overrun with those monsters, and frankly, they kind of creep me out,” said the Prince of Darkness, adding that every time he looked up, he saw another recently deceased member of the Roman Catholic clergy being cast down into the fires of hell, where each is expected to be tortured until the end of time by Satan and his minions.

“We’re used to having every manner of unrepentant sinner down here, but those guys are beyond messed up. I swear, if I see one more of those sick bastards, I’m going to throw myself into the eternal flames.”

In response, God has reportedly instituted a secret policy whereby the priests would no longer face damnation but would instead attend mandatory counselling sessions and then be quietly transferred into heaven.

Well, I have some news for God… Rapist don’t get cured, neither paedophiles. 

And we’re supposed to believe that gays are the threat to all things holy? That gays are the perverts? That it’s gays who are intrinsically disordered? Saying stuff like gay couples “are not families”? This is why I CAN’T with the catholic church.

A corrupted criminal organisation that hides and protects child molesters since forever.

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