Tag Archives: I’m a kid

Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker

When I heard there was going to be a movie about the origin of the Joker, I just assumed there was a Netflix documentary about Kellyanne Conway coming out.

Luckily, they meant Batman’s sparring partner! 

Joaquin Phoenixis taking over the role as “Arthur” and we didn’t have to wait long for the film studio to drop a lewk at what Arthur looks like when he hits up the MAC counter.

As a fan of DC (and Marvel) comics and on serious note, I very much approve Joaquin’s Joker look. He looks mad and creepy as hell. In my opinion this looks for a mature audience, unlike Jared Leto’s trying-hard incarnation on Suicide Squad. 

Heath Ledger’s Joker set the bar very high, and it’s a good thing to cast actors in typical serious roles, like Phoenix, to portrait them.

Bitch looks absolutely insane and I’m buying it.

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Batdick

Looks like the people over at DC were inspired by their latest Batman, Ben Affleck, much more than anyone first thought. Not really by his performance of Batman itself, but by the performance of his dick in Gone Girl. Does art imitate life or life imitate art? Who knows.

Vice is reporting that in the first of a three-issue miniseries called Damned, our favourite extremely rich and broody super hero Batman, shows us his tool, and not one from around his belt, honey.

That’s right! Batman shows dick, and we aren’t talking Grayson. The NSFW (Is comic book dick NSFW?) is below and like Batman, Batdick is moody as hell and lurks in the shadows.

My thanks to writers Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo who decided that Batman’s cut dick was relevant to the plot development of this narrative. Thank you for your hard work.

So, after this  maybe there’s some Superpeen on the horizon? Oh god I hope so! I hope this means they keep Henry Cavill as Superman. 

Now Clark, it’s your turn. Let’s see what you’re packing, homeboy…

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On Brand

He’s more tongue than man, now.

Venom, the upcoming movie about a monstrous symbiote bonding with a man with an impossible accent, really does seem to be nailing the vibe of the over-the-top, goth nightmare/dream of the 1980s and ‘90s.

Like, for instance, this new poster, which is just so very Venom it hurts a little.

The poster, as shared by Bloody Disgusting, is a promo for the IMAX showing of the film, which promise all the excitement of amorphous alien goo biology in all the screen real estate that you could possibly want. And also probably a bit more.

But, seriously, look at that art. The tongue alone is worthy of an entire post.

It just feels very classic Venom to me, fleshy and energetic and as creepy as it is something I could totally see myself putting on my trapper keeper when I was younger.

Whoever’s making the Venom posters seems to have it down.

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Trailer Of A Mess

When the serial rebooters known as Netflix shared the first pictures from the She-Ra reboot, I got up out of my chair, walked to the nearest wall, and did an open-mouthed cry wall slide over those evil butcherers transforming the 80s goddess of mythological glamour into a tragic mess.

But after I pulled myself up off the floor and whispered, “You’re my only She-Ra,” into my She-Ra doll’s head, I told myself that the She-Ra reboot isn’t for me, but for the children of today, and now the children of today got their first look at their Baby She-Ra in action.

The teaser trailer shows Sailor Moon’s white second cousin (aka the new Adora a.k.a. She-Ra) getting lured into the forest by a stranger’s voice…

Somebody should really tell Adora that if a strange voice tries to lure you into the forest, run the opposite way and call the cops!!

To me, it still looks like anime as drawn by the worst student in a high school animation class. With that being said, I am not watching Fetus-Ra, because I am not a damn kid. But mostly, because Netflix is not making any justice the iconic cartoon.

She-Ra is supposed to be woman, not a girl. And should be looking like this:

One word: MEH!

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Captain MEHrvel

It’s been over two years since we found out that Brie Larson would be doing what many have done before her by turning their Oscar around and whispering “You don’t need to see this” as they signed a contract for a big-budget superhero movie.

And now Brie is playing Captain Marvel in her own movie.  But she looks more like Captain Mehrvel ready for Halloween on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

I gotta be honest, I don’t like Brie. I find he boring and not believable in most of her roles.

Captain Marvel isn’t scheduled for release until March of 2019, so this will have to satisfy conformist nerds until then.

I don’t know if it’s the hair, but she looks like a basic office assistant randomly put in a latex suit. She’s meh, but make that coin, girl.

That said, I’m not excited whatsoever about this. But it’s what it is. I guess…

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Happy Labour Day

For many of you (not me, I’m working #FML) today is one of those very special Mondays where you don’t have to mouth burp every curse word while dragging your barely alive corpse into your cubicle.

It’s a Monday masquerading as a Sunday, because it’s Labour Day where we honour the worker.

And who among us has worked harder than Fred Flintstone?! None of us (read: all of us, because bitch is a cartoon, he isn’t real and therefore has never worked)!

And Fred Flintstone, the hardest worker who ever worked, could finally let his body fall into a state of relaxation when hearing the quittin’ time whistle blow.

The quittin’ time whistle was truly the bright spot of almost every single Flintstones episode. In the opening sequence, a worker let all the labourers know it was time to go home by pulling on a string which was attached the tail of a bird who screamed in pain, which was the sound of the quittin’ whistle.

 

If PETA existed in prehistoric times, every one of those bitches would be covered in red paint from torturing that bird.

But seriously, besides cartoon Ann-Margret, the quittin’ time whistlin’ bird was the best character of The Flintstones. The opening would be nothing without them!

And may your today be filled with the quittin’ time whistle.

And actually I take that back, because I hope that your today isn’t filled with the quittin’ time whistle, because I hope he’s got today off. Bitch deserves it.

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DeadPool 2

After the previous flop and stupid choice I made, I did me right by watching a proper film. So I watched Deadpool 2.

Just as Robert Downey, Jr. has become the definitive Iron Man, Ryan Reynolds is Deadpool. It’s the role he was born to play.

The story here is more complex though not as smoothly told when you compare it to the original and although it was funny, some jokes didn’t make it for me.

I think my biggest flaw with this film is that it seems as if they are taking the character of Wade Wilson serious but everything surrounding him is a big joke. That means that whenever Deadpool (in costume) is on screen cracking jokes, it feels like a completely different character.

Both Zazie Beetz (Domino) and Josh Brolin (Clable) steal the show whenever they are on screen, so much so that we needed way more of them.

The action is well directed, although it relies to much on CGI, and it features the best end credit scene I have ever seen. So despite the stuff I didn’t like, the movie is fun guarantee. 

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