Tag Archives: Irrelevant

Mess Gala 2018

Few nights ago, was the “Catholic”-themed Met Gala, and brought together all types of celebrities looking all kinds of delusional in their religious-inspired garb, but no one, and I do mean no one, looked like more of a mess than Katy Perry (actually Sarah Jessica Parker is always the worst).

The event that was all but created specifically so that Kevin Spacey could finally bring along his ten-year-old victims to a red carpet and blend in could have been interpreted in many creative ways. But I don’t need to tell you that the words “Katy Perry” and “creative” are about as disparate as “Katy Perry” and “likeable in any capacity” and she flew into the Met Gala in a 90’s Las Vegas angel showgirl costume for the failed production of Jesus Christ: Striptease. 

What made Perry’s failed attempt at couture even more hilarious is the fact that her grand entrance in the back of a vintage convertible was stalled, literally, when the vehicle broke down and Perry had to awkwardly stand there looking completely alone and tragic in her giant winged disaster.

We would know without a doubt that there was a God if Perry then had to shuffle through the NYC subway in that thing to get to the Met Gala, but the vehicle started after a couple attempts and she continued her sad one-person parade. Now fly away forever, Katy.

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Men Who doesn’t Do Oral = Boring Sex

There are many new acts out there, many entertainers that are beyond basic, but that society praise them because the standards are fucking low!

There’s one Latino rapper called Bad Bunny who’s apparently coming to Montreal to put on his computer vocal effect and charge big money for it, because he knows basics will make him rich.

That’s actually the case of another “artist” I just heard about thanks to his misogynist ridiculous statement…

DJ Khaled is some talented scam with access to an iPod Shuffle and therefor a DJ, and is making waves on the Internet for stating in an interview that he likes to receive head but does not like to give it:

“I believe the woman should praise the man, the king … It’s different rules for men… I’m the King. I’m the King of the house… There’s some things that y’all don’t want to do but got to get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.”

Not to be racist but… Muslim much?

And before you get on my ass, I know my shit! All the gay-closet Muslims I met think that sexiest way. That’s why it never worked between them and I.

Not only they have a small dick (YES! people tend to say “Arabs” have big dicks but people clearly doesn’t know what a big dick is,) but they’re pretty bossy in bed thinking one should submit and only please them while not doing anything to please you. So, I was like… HELL NO! I’m Latino and I also come from a chauvinistic macho culture, but sex is my religion! In other words, you’re not my master but my bitch!  

And Ricardo agrees (we are cool again) on my expertise:

Anyway, everyone is freaking out about this one-sided head-giving relationship…

Listen to me kids, as any healthy relationship, great sex is also a job of two and foreplay is a big part of all the fun.

I don’t understand men who doesn’t eat a girl’s cookie or a guy’s love tunnel.

Eating it before pounding it gives not only stimulation but great pleasure, and to me a guy who doesn’t perform oral is a NO! I love me some real man, not a boring excuse of a male.

Oh Khaled, nothing like announcing to the world that your wife is sexually unsatisfied.

Long story short, that fat lazy bitchboy is a flop failing no pussy eating cunt! 

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This list influence my bowel movement

I’m not exactly sure what Tiffany Haddish has done other than presenting at the FlOpscars few months ago, but she is definitely not Isabelle Adjani or Fan Bingbing influential type.

However, she’s snagged a spot on Time’s 100 “Most Influential People’s” list, along with Cardi B (who?) Nicole Kidman, Christian Siriano, Lena Waithe, JLo (whatever!) Prince Harry, Meghan Markle (what has she done of note besides marry a prince?) Rihanna, and Janet Mock.

Am I the only one saying “Who?” and “Dear God!” to most of this list?

Truly, this list is a sad reflection of both Time mag and society overall if most of these people are what’s considered “influential” nowadays.

Why didn’t they give the cover to the Parkland students? 

 I’d rather watch paint dry than read this ridiculous magazine.

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Another Pole dancer has joined the World!

After Kylie Jenner Kardashian named her baby after a stripper who fucked Trump, I fully expected Khloezilla to name her newborn baby something worst.

But instead of doing that, she brought on endless jokes by naming her poor baby True Thompson… Gladly for that baby her middle name is not “Dat”.

The baby’s name might be True, as True as the daddy’s dick is in someone else as we speak.

The kid’s nickname should be “Wishful Thinking,” because True is something that Tristan and his wandering cheating dick will never be to Khlozilla.

On the other hand… Is there a competition between them about who puts the most horrible name for their kids?

I’m only posting this because I”m tired, but I actually used to like Khloe when she was the free spirited one, the “black sheep” and free of body alterations and NBA players.

Regardless, that baby’s name it’s certainly better than North,Chicago, and Stormi.

You know, at least she didn’t name her Fidelity.

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A Trump (Not The One You Think) Is Reportedly Headed For Divorce

The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. 

Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Trump’s cabinet.

A source claims that Vanessa isn’t happy, because she’d like to live her opulent housewife life in private and doesn’t like the attention that being the daughter-in-law of Trump brings (like opening up possible death powder sent to her house).

Vanessa is also upset about Don Jr. being gone all the time and think he’s changed. Not having to talk or look at Don Jr. seems like a blessing and a gift to me, but Vanessa is weird, because apparently it bothers her.

Also, I was surprised to find out that these two bitches are ONLY 40. Jesus! They look a lot older than I! They actually look like escapees from Madame Tussaud’s… In fact, Madame Tussauds called and she wants her wax and makeup palette back!

Those Trump boys are so unfortunate looking, it physically hurts.

Anyway Vanessa should follow Ivanka Trump’s advice and not get mad, get everything!

Well, except for the dead cheetah rug, moose antler table, lion head lampshade, endangered rhino skin bedspread, etc… Yeah that asshole… Killing animals more magnificent and intelligent than he could never even aspire to be.

Long story short, that whole family can burn!

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Influential…

I’m not the biggest fan of social media and Snapchat is my least favourite.

There’s something about always sending friends and strangers your location and up-to-the-minute information about what you’re doing that comes off as attention seeking… Not to mention this app was mostly created to cheat, trade nudes for few seconds and assorted indiscretions. Just not my cup of tea.

But what I am a fan of is watching huge companies like Snapchat rendered helpless at the hands of a soon to be single mother. But not every new mom most likely to seek child support soon is Kylie Jenner KarTrashian.

We have the Kardashian-Jenners to blame for the death of many things: natural looking makeup and bodies, the excuse that one needs talent to be successful in the entertainment industry, and the latest casualty could be Snapchat.

Snapchat’s shares went down 7.2% valued at a loss of $1.3 billion dollars after she bashed the app on Twitter.

Snapchat rolled out a new update which ended up being pretty annoying to use.

The core users of Snapchat, mostly underage, female, gays, and assorted horny, have been pretty vocal about their displeasure.

Snapchat basically told them to suck one because the company knows if everyone is still using the app no teen wants to be the odd one out. The power of peer pressure and inclusion can be a bitch. But for once someone with Kardashian blood did a good deed.

Hopefully she complains about iOS next until iPhone users get more usable features than new genderless emojis, but most important I really wish these apparent new ROLE MODELS of society tweet about gun control, NRA, hate groups, and fucked up politicians in their country. But then again, these are Kardashians…

Can she at least tell her fans how amazing it is to throw yourself off a cliff?

That would be a good cause too.

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Internet Theory: Sam Smith And Adele Are The Same Person

The C.I.A. (computer investigation alliance), that secret cabal of internet sleuths who cracked the case of the Melania Trump body double WIDE OPEN, have made an exciting new discovery! (Nor really).

Have you ever noticed that you’ve never seen Sam Smith and Adele together in the same room? Didn’t think so.

Are you sitting down? A TwAtter user has proof that Adele and Sam are actually the person.

According to The Huffington Post, the earth shattering theory was first proposed by a Twitter user with a lot of time on their hands.

They learned that by slowing down Adele’s hit “Hello”, the truth reveals itself. 

Whatevs. I still haven’t moved on from the Miley/Justin theory to process this.

But seriously, I don’t want to live on this planet any more.

The people making up these theories should go back to eating Tide pods.

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