Tag Archives: Irrelevant

“Brave Red Maiden” costume

Whatever genius they have over at Yandy in charge of translating popular characters into scratchy lingerie for Halloween has really outdone themselves this year.

For once, instead of just offering up skimpy polyester panties that will give you a yeast infection, they’ve offered a poignant musing on sexism and the patriarchy; with an ironic twist!

This year, Yandy created the “Brave Red Maiden” costume, inspired by everybody’s favourite dramedy, The Handmaid’s Tale. Unfortunately, too many people hate fun because Yandy has bowed to pressure and taken it off the shelves. 

Here’s what they were offering:

Finally, a costume for the woman who wants to stand before the Congress to demand abortion rights while satisfying their narrow expectations of female beauty.

Come on, people! This is the most covered up and demure thing they’ve EVER produced.  

I’m sorry, but if I saw somebody actually out wearing this costume I would fall to my knees and kiss those stripper heels.

Anyway, haters should save some outrage for the truly questionable costumes Yandy is still getting away with, like the Yandy Indian Sweetheart:

BORING! 

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Trailer Of A Mess

When the serial rebooters known as Netflix shared the first pictures from the She-Ra reboot, I got up out of my chair, walked to the nearest wall, and did an open-mouthed cry wall slide over those evil butcherers transforming the 80s goddess of mythological glamour into a tragic mess.

But after I pulled myself up off the floor and whispered, “You’re my only She-Ra,” into my She-Ra doll’s head, I told myself that the She-Ra reboot isn’t for me, but for the children of today, and now the children of today got their first look at their Baby She-Ra in action.

The teaser trailer shows Sailor Moon’s white second cousin (aka the new Adora a.k.a. She-Ra) getting lured into the forest by a stranger’s voice…

Somebody should really tell Adora that if a strange voice tries to lure you into the forest, run the opposite way and call the cops!!

To me, it still looks like anime as drawn by the worst student in a high school animation class. With that being said, I am not watching Fetus-Ra, because I am not a damn kid. But mostly, because Netflix is not making any justice the iconic cartoon.

She-Ra is supposed to be woman, not a girl. And should be looking like this:

One word: MEH!

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Captain MEHrvel

It’s been over two years since we found out that Brie Larson would be doing what many have done before her by turning their Oscar around and whispering “You don’t need to see this” as they signed a contract for a big-budget superhero movie.

And now Brie is playing Captain Marvel in her own movie.  But she looks more like Captain Mehrvel ready for Halloween on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

I gotta be honest, I don’t like Brie. I find he boring and not believable in most of her roles.

Captain Marvel isn’t scheduled for release until March of 2019, so this will have to satisfy conformist nerds until then.

I don’t know if it’s the hair, but she looks like a basic office assistant randomly put in a latex suit. She’s meh, but make that coin, girl.

That said, I’m not excited whatsoever about this. But it’s what it is. I guess…

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Summer Is Over, Or So Says Starbucks

Even though the sun is still shining and the calendar clearly says “August,” Starbucks has gone ahead and made it officially fall by launching Pumpkin Spice Lattes earlier than usual. As of today, you can put on your legs in Uggs and leggings, and walk them down to your local Starbucks and ask for a “Pumpkin Spice Latte…”

A name that sounds better than “Basic White Girl Fuel!”

Because PSL + Uggs and Leggings =

According to Business Insider:

… Starbucks is in fact launching the Pumpkin Spice Latte earlier than it ever has in years past. While Starbucks has offered select customers access to the PSL in late August, prior to an official launch in the first week of September, this is the first time that the drink has officially debuted in August.

BI says that the decision to launch PSL early is because Starbucks has been having a rough go of things lately with the having to shut all their stores for anti-racism training…

And what says “we’re committed to combating racism” better than sugary drinks that taste like dirt?! Pure, overpriced bullshit!!!

Fake pumpkin flavor or scent is right up there on my list of “NOs” alongside those pine cones sprayed with glitter and fake cinnamon scent and “Black Ice” pine tree air freshener.

The fact is, it’s August 29. Can we all just calm the fuck down about this Autumn shit?

I’m in Montreal and it’s currently 36°Celsius … Or translated in American (the only humans using Fahrenheit) would be 96.8 °Fahrenheit.

Wake me up when September ends.

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Does Forbes know what Self Made means?

Whatever picture was hanging on the largest wall in Kris Jenner’s office (possibly a blown-up still from Kim’s porno) has surely been taken down today and replaced with a giant, framed picture of her youngest and most lucrative money maker on the cover of this month’s issue of Forbes.

Last year it was reported that Kylie Jenner’s makeup company made $420 million in 18 months of retail sales. A year later, and Kylie Cosmetics has more than doubled their sales at $900 million. According to Forbes, 20-year-old Kylie is on her way to becoming the youngest self-made billionaire.

As the term “self-made” usually conjures images of either two old-timey dudes labouring away in a basement in an episode of Drunk History inventing tampons or whatever, or Mark Zuckerberg creating Facebook, or Evan Spiegel creating that nude trade app called Snapchat, people are generally laughing in Kylie’s privileged entitled engorged botched face on the magazine’s cover because born into extreme wealth & instant fame is the exact opposite of “self made”.

Kylie Jenner is also already the youngest person on Forbes’ list of the richest self-made women in America, and clocks in higher than her sister and higher than… Judge Judy!! Which should be qualified as a crime against humanity.

Now, I seriously have nothing against that blow up doll, except the fact she insist on trademarking her name “kylie” when she already lost that battle with the ONLY & ORIGINAL… KYLIE!!!

So yeah,  its been a real struggle and she has worked SO hard to get where she is… This bitch can’t even put a coherent sentence together and we are to believe she is “self made”.

Oprah is self-made. This hooker? Nah.

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Mess Gala 2018

Few nights ago, was the “Catholic”-themed Met Gala, and brought together all types of celebrities looking all kinds of delusional in their religious-inspired garb, but no one, and I do mean no one, looked like more of a mess than Katy Perry (actually Sarah Jessica Parker is always the worst).

The event that was all but created specifically so that Kevin Spacey could finally bring along his ten-year-old victims to a red carpet and blend in could have been interpreted in many creative ways. But I don’t need to tell you that the words “Katy Perry” and “creative” are about as disparate as “Katy Perry” and “likeable in any capacity” and she flew into the Met Gala in a 90’s Las Vegas angel showgirl costume for the failed production of Jesus Christ: Striptease. 

What made Perry’s failed attempt at couture even more hilarious is the fact that her grand entrance in the back of a vintage convertible was stalled, literally, when the vehicle broke down and Perry had to awkwardly stand there looking completely alone and tragic in her giant winged disaster.

We would know without a doubt that there was a God if Perry then had to shuffle through the NYC subway in that thing to get to the Met Gala, but the vehicle started after a couple attempts and she continued her sad one-person parade. Now fly away forever, Katy.

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Men Who doesn’t Do Oral = Boring Sex

There are many new acts out there, many entertainers that are beyond basic, but that society praise them because the standards are fucking low!

There’s one Latino rapper called Bad Bunny who’s apparently coming to Montreal to put on his computer vocal effect and charge big money for it, because he knows basics will make him rich.

That’s actually the case of another “artist” I just heard about thanks to his misogynist ridiculous statement…

DJ Khaled is some talented scam with access to an iPod Shuffle and therefor a DJ, and is making waves on the Internet for stating in an interview that he likes to receive head but does not like to give it:

“I believe the woman should praise the man, the king … It’s different rules for men… I’m the King. I’m the King of the house… There’s some things that y’all don’t want to do but got to get done. I just can’t do what you want me to do. I just can’t.”

Not to be racist but… Muslim much?

And before you get on my ass, I know my shit! All the gay-closet Muslims I met think that sexiest way. That’s why it never worked between them and I.

Not only they have a small dick (YES! people tend to say “Arabs” have big dicks but people clearly doesn’t know what a big dick is,) but they’re pretty bossy in bed thinking one should submit and only please them while not doing anything to please you. So, I was like… HELL NO! I’m Latino and I also come from a chauvinistic macho culture, but sex is my religion! In other words, you’re not my master but my bitch!  

And Ricardo agrees (we are cool again) on my expertise:

Anyway, everyone is freaking out about this one-sided head-giving relationship…

Listen to me kids, as any healthy relationship, great sex is also a job of two and foreplay is a big part of all the fun.

I don’t understand men who doesn’t eat a girl’s cookie or a guy’s love tunnel.

Eating it before pounding it gives not only stimulation but great pleasure, and to me a guy who doesn’t perform oral is a NO! I love me some real man, not a boring excuse of a male.

Oh Khaled, nothing like announcing to the world that your wife is sexually unsatisfied.

Long story short, that fat lazy bitchboy is a flop failing no pussy eating cunt! 

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