Tag Archives: Irrelevant

A Trump (Not The One You Think) Is Reportedly Headed For Divorce

The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. 

Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Trump’s cabinet.

A source claims that Vanessa isn’t happy, because she’d like to live her opulent housewife life in private and doesn’t like the attention that being the daughter-in-law of Trump brings (like opening up possible death powder sent to her house).

Vanessa is also upset about Don Jr. being gone all the time and think he’s changed. Not having to talk or look at Don Jr. seems like a blessing and a gift to me, but Vanessa is weird, because apparently it bothers her.

Also, I was surprised to find out that these two bitches are ONLY 40. Jesus! They look a lot older than I! They actually look like escapees from Madame Tussaud’s… In fact, Madame Tussauds called and she wants her wax and makeup palette back!

Those Trump boys are so unfortunate looking, it physically hurts.

Anyway Vanessa should follow Ivanka Trump’s advice and not get mad, get everything!

Well, except for the dead cheetah rug, moose antler table, lion head lampshade, endangered rhino skin bedspread, etc… Yeah that asshole… Killing animals more magnificent and intelligent than he could never even aspire to be.

Long story short, that whole family can burn!

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I’m not the biggest fan of social media and Snapchat is my least favourite.

There’s something about always sending friends and strangers your location and up-to-the-minute information about what you’re doing that comes off as attention seeking… Not to mention this app was mostly created to cheat, trade nudes for few seconds and assorted indiscretions. Just not my cup of tea.

But what I am a fan of is watching huge companies like Snapchat rendered helpless at the hands of a soon to be single mother. But not every new mom most likely to seek child support soon is Kylie Jenner KarTrashian.

We have the Kardashian-Jenners to blame for the death of many things: natural looking makeup and bodies, the excuse that one needs talent to be successful in the entertainment industry, and the latest casualty could be Snapchat.

Snapchat’s shares went down 7.2% valued at a loss of $1.3 billion dollars after she bashed the app on Twitter.

Snapchat rolled out a new update which ended up being pretty annoying to use.

The core users of Snapchat, mostly underage, female, gays, and assorted horny, have been pretty vocal about their displeasure.

Snapchat basically told them to suck one because the company knows if everyone is still using the app no teen wants to be the odd one out. The power of peer pressure and inclusion can be a bitch. But for once someone with Kardashian blood did a good deed.

Hopefully she complains about iOS next until iPhone users get more usable features than new genderless emojis, but most important I really wish these apparent new ROLE MODELS of society tweet about gun control, NRA, hate groups, and fucked up politicians in their country. But then again, these are Kardashians…

Can she at least tell her fans how amazing it is to throw yourself off a cliff?

That would be a good cause too.

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Internet Theory: Sam Smith And Adele Are The Same Person

The C.I.A. (computer investigation alliance), that secret cabal of internet sleuths who cracked the case of the Melania Trump body double WIDE OPEN, have made an exciting new discovery! (Nor really).

Have you ever noticed that you’ve never seen Sam Smith and Adele together in the same room? Didn’t think so.

Are you sitting down? A TwAtter user has proof that Adele and Sam are actually the person.

According to The Huffington Post, the earth shattering theory was first proposed by a Twitter user with a lot of time on their hands.

They learned that by slowing down Adele’s hit “Hello”, the truth reveals itself. 

Whatevs. I still haven’t moved on from the Miley/Justin theory to process this.

But seriously, I don’t want to live on this planet any more.

The people making up these theories should go back to eating Tide pods.

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Why is this imbecile a thing?

We’ve gotten to the point now where the name Logan Paul has become more synonymous with a piece of shit than toilet paper. So it should be no great shock that he’s in trouble again for his insufferable antics.

On Monday, 22-year-turd Logan uploaded a video of himself and two friends finding two dead rats on his patio.

Logan declared: “No rat comes into my house without getting tased!” before whipping a taser from the waistband of his pants and zapping them.

He tases them again as their bodies go into the trash…

I’m not a credentialed psychiatrist, so it’s just my humble opinion that the respect a person shows for life includes how he treats the dead.

Logan Paul has 16.6 million subscribers… WTF society???? 

Dude is the reason why swallowing should be taught as an ACCEPTABLE alternative for pregnancy prevention. This one really should have been a period…

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I’m a Brazilian Woman

Have you tried the Google Arts & Culture app? All you have to do is to take a picture of yourself LIVE and Google will find your museum “doppelganger” that in many cases are a total mismatch. 

Like most face recognition apps my closest match is female, so I was not surprised with the result.

I could be an androgynous dream in the face if I really wanted to.

Below what others have been compared with:

This app is a good laugh, but what surprised me was that my match is an exotic South American painting.

I’m South American, exotic for many, and portraits remind of Dorian Grey… who has nothing to do with this story perhaps but always made me wonder if somewhere out there there’s a cursed painting ageing instead of I. #ImOldAF

Fantasy or insanity, some facts of this painting are actually close to my reality.

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Believe Me

Few days ago was the one-year anniversary of Donald Trump being inaugurated as President of the United States.

Rather than focus on the more than two thousand documented lies he has told in office, The Washington Monthly instead published an article (link here) that highlights some of Trump’s most preposterous lies and how he so often bookends these by saying one or several times “believe me.”

Some highlights:

“Because I’m going to be working for you, I’m not going to have time to go play golf. Believe me. Believe me folks.”

“And you know what else? I have great respect for women, believe me.”

“Believe me, I’ll change things. And again, we’re going to be so respected.”

“I will do everything in my power to protect our LGBTQ citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology. Believe me.”

“We will not answer to donors or lobbyists or special interests, but we will serve the citizens of the United States of America, believe me.”

“The world is in trouble, but we’re going to straighten it out. OK? That’s what I do. I fix things. We’re going to straighten it out. Believe me.”

“We will terminate Obamacare and replace it, believe me, with something good.”

“I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me. I would have Mexico pay for it. Believe me, they will pay for it.”

This brings us to an easy conclusion:

When Trump says “believe me” he’s really saying I’M LYING.

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Douche On The Loose

Logan Paul, one of the many douchebags that dominates Youtube for IDIOTIC reasons, failed to issue a trigger warning before exploring a woodsy area known for suicides in Aokigahara, Japan.

Logan and his crew decided to take a New Year’s Eve trip to Aokigahara for funsies. While filming there this major asshole came across the body of a man who had hanged himself in the trees. Rather than call cut and report it to the authorities, Logan decided to make the most of it…

Dude is pretty much a Kardashian!

“This is the most real vlog I’ve ever posted on this channel,” Paul said in the video. “I think this definitely marks a moment in YouTube history.”

Paul then proceeded to film closer to the body before apologising to viewers for what was “supposed to be a fun vlog.”

Here’s a cut (without the dead body) of the since removed video which shows Logan and company’s handling of the situation.

Clearly the side effects an out-of-touch generation watching a video with a title that suggests the exploration of a “suicide forest” and expecting to find Pokemons instead of suicide victims.

Being accused of misogyny and rap flow infringement by FLOBOTS were the peak of his worries until this suicide video situation. Logan was forced to issue an apology.

He has a ton of advertisers, a $200,000 vehicle, and mansion sized mortgage payments… This was a case of live by the sword, die by the sword.

The same audience on the internet that made him famous also reminded him that he wasn’t untouchable or above trigger warnings. 

However, we know what’s next… Douche is only getting more popular because, HUMANITY!

Youtube “celebrities,” Snapchat “celebrities,” Instagram “celebrities…” It’s a fucking epidemic that is desensitising our youth.

And since the audience of all those attention-whores are mostly unsupervised kids that are allowed to do whatever they want on the internet; the only way to make them go away is for the PARENTS to step in and be parents!!

The end.

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