Archives for posts with tag: Jenners

Because making a billion dollars off of basic-ass mall makeup wasn’t enough for Ky-LIE Jenner (read KarTrashian,) she went ahead and launched a basic-ass skin care line.

And it’s a bit of a mess! Which surprised no one.

The internet called Ky-LIE out for using cheap skin-damaging walnut particles in her facial scrub. The internet called Ky-LIE out for possibly faking positive reviews. And now the internet is calling her out for a laughably bad facial cleansing demonstration.

Ky-LIE tweeted a short video of herself using the Ky-LIE Skin foaming facial cleanser.

Ky-LIE, with one of those childish (and disturbing on adults) Snapchat filter on her face squirts out some product, then proceeds to wash her face for a whole seven seconds before rinsing it off.

As she dries her face, a huge makeup smear can be seen on her towel.

I think it’s amazing that Ky-LIE has any fans at all considering that her old face is ALL OVER THE INTERNET. She’s fake through and through.

With the industrial amounts of makeup she uses, she needs WAY more than a pump of wimpy foam and two splashes of water to remove all that warpaint. Also, those nightmare fingernails and wig are the cherry on top of the fuckery.

Seriously, that “cleansing” routine is so lazy and indifferent it could’ve written the Game of Thrones finale!

There is not one single thing that is real about ANY of the Katrashians. 

Whatever picture was hanging on the largest wall in Kris Jenner’s office (possibly a blown-up still from Kim’s porno) has surely been taken down today and replaced with a giant, framed picture of her youngest and most lucrative money maker on the cover of this month’s issue of Forbes.

Last year it was reported that Kylie Jenner’s makeup company made $420 million in 18 months of retail sales. A year later, and Kylie Cosmetics has more than doubled their sales at $900 million. According to Forbes, 20-year-old Kylie is on her way to becoming the youngest self-made billionaire.

As the term “self-made” usually conjures images of either two old-timey dudes labouring away in a basement in an episode of Drunk History inventing tampons or whatever, or Mark Zuckerberg creating Facebook, or Evan Spiegel creating that nude trade app called Snapchat, people are generally laughing in Kylie’s privileged entitled engorged botched face on the magazine’s cover because born into extreme wealth & instant fame is the exact opposite of “self made”.

Kylie Jenner is also already the youngest person on Forbes’ list of the richest self-made women in America, and clocks in higher than her sister and higher than… Judge Judy!! Which should be qualified as a crime against humanity.

Now, I seriously have nothing against that blow up doll, except the fact she insist on trademarking her name “kylie” when she already lost that battle with the ONLY & ORIGINAL… KYLIE!!!

So yeah,  its been a real struggle and she has worked SO hard to get where she is… This bitch can’t even put a coherent sentence together and we are to believe she is “self made”.

Oprah is self-made. This hooker? Nah.

After Kylie Jenner Kardashian named her baby after a stripper who fucked Trump, I fully expected Khloezilla to name her newborn baby something worst.

But instead of doing that, she brought on endless jokes by naming her poor baby True Thompson… Gladly for that baby her middle name is not “Dat”.

The baby’s name might be True, as True as the daddy’s dick is in someone else as we speak.

The kid’s nickname should be “Wishful Thinking,” because True is something that Tristan and his wandering cheating dick will never be to Khlozilla.

On the other hand… Is there a competition between them about who puts the most horrible name for their kids?

I’m only posting this because I”m tired, but I actually used to like Khloe when she was the free spirited one, the “black sheep” and free of body alterations and NBA players.

Regardless, that baby’s name it’s certainly better than North,Chicago, and Stormi.

You know, at least she didn’t name her Fidelity.

People looking to hilarious medical experiment Kylie Jenner as their sensitivity spirit animal were shocked and even dismayed to see that she promoted her new Lip Kit line on Snapchat in front of televised news of the California wildfires that have claimed just under thirty lives. 

The living Bratz Doll appears in a selfie captioned “Autumn is available on KylieCosmetics.com” with the television screen in the background telling the equally important but slightly different story “Breaking News: Canyon Fire 2 Eyewitness News.” If she had included the word “lit” in her caption I would know that there’s a God. 

If Hollywood wasn’t Rapetown USA right now, with the deluge of Harvey Weinstein sexual assault accusations, Jenner’s snap might be making more of a splash on the Internet… Which is probably what she wanted because, attention-whores!

Anyhow, Kylie has a lot of catching up to do if she’s going to achieve the wow factor of her sister Kendall’s stupid ads.

Maybe walk up to a firefighter and offer him a Lip Kit? 

Jokes aside, I’m surprised that people keep assuming the Kards/Jenners think of anyone or anything other than themselves. 

Like her father before her, and her half sister who I think is her mom before her, Kylie Jenner is a mangled human…

I guess it’s in part with the family brand, that is so important to them, it makes them so much money, and it encourages body modification in the form of injections and implants and fat being sucked out of them…coupled with lots of thick make-up, all designed to sell to the fragile in the head.

What it has become is a movement, like tattoos once were, or laser hair removal, where people save up their 600 dollars or less and jack up their face… all while promoting body positivism, no slut shaming and anti-bullying lies…

I mean this dollar store version of a Kylie (Miss MINOGUE being the ORIGINAL and luxurious Kylie) is something more than the fertilised lizard egg that fell out of Kim’s asshole… she also pretends to be a good influence to kids while looking like this and saying  “it’s normal that at 19, you should look like a 40 year old stripper with body dysmorphia”

The world is a mess, and these Kardashians are big part of the problem. 

But to say something nice, I think the nose job and first lip job improved her looks. But she didn’t stop there, she keeps inflating up her lips like they are Reebok Pumps.

Now, just like Kim and Khloe, that ass and tits are fake… She’s only 19…

Her 30’s and beyond are going to be real rough and really sad, ’cause eventually… All collapses.

i-am-cait-05-db6af281_featuredE! is canceling I Am Cait after two seasons of what they unashamedly referred to as a documentary of a transitioning transexual…

That sounded more grown up than Gay Bruce Gets Tits and Rides a Party Bus. Which is what the show was, though somehow producers managed to make even that spectacular log-line boring.

Qualitative decisions never factor into television series decisions, so presume the show’s low ratings killed it.

Depending who you ask, Jenner was either never accepted as a true tranny/she-male/who cares, or he was just plain boring and ineffectual to become a real Kardashian trash.

Jenner claims that his dream was never to be a big male athlete hero, simply to be Caitlyn and maybe suck a little cock and giggle about it over champagne with other ladies alike while cameras rolled.

Life is humbling like that. You get what you need, not what you want.