Archives for posts with tag: Jhaime

I had a day off today, and since I’ve been neglecting my workout I decided to gym early…  Scanning my card to get in, the guy in the reception behind the counter said “Hi” and was like “Heeey” not exactly knowing how to react.

I got shy, nervous, and all those things I feel when I see someone I like, or in this case had feelings for. It was Jhaime.

He came out to hug me, and I hugged him back. I didn’t ask a single question regarding his life except his new part-time job at the gym.

I just kept things superficial while I deeply exterminated how gorgeous he is.

 “I finish in 30 minutes” he said. “Nice, well, I should workout now. It was nice seeing you” I replied.

While dressing up he came into the locker room, and while working out he walked around me few times… I was mortified feeling gross and not pretty enough to allow a human (specially one I’m attracted to) to look at me.

30 minutes later, working on my arms, he came from behind all dressed up looking super hot… “I’m leaving” he said, kissing my face… And as much as I liked seeing him today, I also hated the fact that he made my heart beat.

I still don’t get what his game is but I’d probably stop going there.

In other news, Eric is coming tonight…

To put something hot inside me, instead of cold memories.


It’s been hard to make a proper update lately with some of my relatives over, writing it’s been difficult ’cause all my energies were focus on them.

Gladly Eric sexed me on Tuesday, so he gave me motivation and enthusiasm. And since my birthday is on Sunday he promised to fuck me happy birthday, which is my favourite present.

Today I took my auntie for breakfast to the Old Port and because the Sex Gods love to make my life extra active and my head extra busy, I saw Jhaime (the last guy I seriously dated) having breakfast at the same spot… Obviously I wanted to die ’cause I was not feeling any attractive, plus I had all these mixed feeling going on.

Seeing his green eyes again with so much in my head, knowing that we like each other and wondering what’s stopping us?

Anyhow, I’m not breaking my head with any man but he made me think of him again.

I wasn’t always a promiscuous guy that only sees a piece of meat in front of him.

I was the opposite of that, someone who once cared too much… but many times we learn the hard way, and to protect ourselves we change because it’s not fun when people play with our feelings and break our hearts.

That said, Jhaime is back in Montreal and he messaged me yesterday.

I had some mixed feelings when I saw his name on my screen, but I stayed cool to tell him all I had inside. To me honesty is always the best policy and he was not that with me.

If you just want to fuck me, tell me. I’ll be cool knowing what your real intentions are. But don’t come and tell me all kind of sentimental bullshit you don’t feel.

When you’re good they play with you, and and when you’re bad they don’t take you serious. But I’d rather not being taking serious than being hurt.

I am not sorry for who I had to become in order to survive.

It sounds too good to get carried away, play at random and never know where you can end… or start. And although the beginning is always happier than the end, ends are necessary when you’re hurting yourself.

Something weird happened between Jhaime and I, and yesterday I decided to give up. 

I was cool when a month ago he changed our original plan, but my coolness stop when (his) indecisions play with my mind.

He was acting bipolar AF and no thanks! I’m not here for that. I was doing my best to make this temporary long-distance work, but I can’t do it alone. Relationships are of two.

I was getting used to him and as you can imagine it’s not fun to turn the page and find again a blank space… I thank him though for making me feel more than a fuck toy for several weeks, and making me realise that I’m still capable to give more than that.

He ran, they never taught him to walk. And I ran away from illusions and harm.

Some days I’m like “fuck it! I’m getting laid today.”

But most days I’m like “Ugh! I can’t do this to him.” 

My dilemma is being too sexual and now too used to indulgence, that fighting my urges is a real torture… Today we touched the subject frivolously ’cause I didn’t want him to allow me to fuck with other guys. Not that I want to either. I know how that usually ends…

Jhaime is smart enough to not play with fire (or let me to) and it shows me compromise. A compromise I do my best to not break because I sincerely believe he’s a worth it guy.

Well, pretty much all the guys I’ve been with on a serious level were worth it. And the fact that at some point we had to stop walking life together didn’t make them less valuable.

Some days I don’t remember the pain of calling someone’s name, hear the things they used to say, see the smile, the clothes, the shape, it got easier everyday stopped dreaming of a face… And while it’s good, I don’t wanna get comfortable fearing getting hurt again.

Some days I think too much about this. And some days I don’t even think at all.

The thing is, apparently L.A. doesn’t have free Wifi, everywhere, like we do in Montreal, and some days staying in touch is not too obvious.

Yesterday I didn’t text him ’cause I was kinda fed up of feeling like the only one making an effort (you gotta understand that the lack of sex is ruining my mood and pretty much my existence because I have Mykola, Ricardo, Randy, Bruce, Guillaume and whoever else I forgot on standby due to my dumb old-fashion idea of commitment for someone whom I promised to wait until July) so this morning he sent that.

Petty cute, but for now I’d better focus on my fitness and get my body ready for all the sexy catch up in one more month… Ugh! One. More. Month… I can’t believe I just typed that.

Years ago I vowed to myself that I would’t date popular guys.

Bunny was (and still is) a super popular guy, and although I didn’t have an issue with that, after our breakup his shadow always followed me ’cause everyone knew who he was and most guys I met after him were like… “OMG are you his ex?!” With a surprised connotation as if they didn’t expected that someone so low-profile was the boyfriend of that popular wanted guy… Well, in your face sluts!!!

Jhaime is also somehow popular due to his dancing gigs and assorted exposition. Ironically he also know Bunny because, who doesn’t?

The point is I don’t mind dating someone so demanded, after all I’m confidant they chose me for a reason. My nuisance is the adjustment of my privacy by dealing with the curiosity of those related to/after them over me.

Anyway, here is Jhaime killing it on stage all over the US.

June is already here and I’m going on vacations, so July will arrive very fast.

The decisive month to see if I get more serious, or not, with this popular guy.