I remember few birthdays, the date of my first breakup, the date I met my last ex, and I also still remember the date of my unofficial anniversary with Joseph … It was a 5th, and it could have been 5 years this year.
Although our relationship became very toxic by the end, our farewell was civilised, and very hard, but I knew we had to stop.
Joseph and I were sexually addicted to each other, and when we were not fucking it was hard to understand each other. Still, we made it work for over two years.
Relationships are of two but I tend to blame myself for all. And with him even more for all the tears he shed… I was impatient, I was too wild, and I brought up the worse in him too.
Yet when I look back, Joseph was my world. Tangible and also virtual because he was the reason of this blog.
Joseph rescued me from destroying myself when destroying myself was ten times less intense. Joseph was the last guy who saw in me something I no longer have, prudence.
He hated hear me apologising, not for my mistakes, but for feeling guilty all the time for not loving him the way he wanted. And today, I still live with that in me.
In life we have to live what we have to live, but when he left I no longer existed.