Tag Archives: Kardashians

Kim Whoredashian Suggested Tyson Beckford Is Gay Because He Doesn’t Like Her Body

It seems like just yesterday the internet was getting mad at Kim Kardashian for being obsessed with how skinny she was and already the internet is mad at her for something else. …Oh yeah! It was just two days too. Way to keep that exposure rolling, Kim!

The Huffington Post reports (because real news is dead) that Kim started a mild internet beef with Tyson Beckford after he swatted away a pic of her and labelled her body as not his thing because the USDA would never certify it as organic and because she should go on Botched for her botched hip job.

This all started after some Instagram model-type person named Amirah Dyme posted a picture of Kim to her Instagram account. Because Tyson is apparently one of Amirah’s 1.6 million followers, he decided to comment on the photo of Kim and give his two cents on her body.

The Shade Room took screenshots of the comments because someone had to:

I never really noticed Kim’s right hip, because I was too busy screaming as my eyes burned after looking at her hideous plastic hoof covers. 

Well, Kim was not having it. A man talk shit about how he didn’t want anything to do with her body? A man not find Kim Kardashian a sexual deity? Impossible, and clearly gay!!

And Kim suggested as much writing: “Sis we all know why you don’t care for it”. The Shade Room got a screenshot of their own screenshot because that’s how meta they are:

That tea-drinking frog is straight up aggressive. And the nails? That’s the wrong shade of pink! Twitter had mixed reactions to Kim’s klapback, some thought it was klever, others thought she was being a messy homophobe.

Is Kim right? Did we all know Tyson Beckford is gay? Because I sure the fuck didn’t, and I’m honestly upset no one told me.

Those muscles? That face? Those lips? FUCK ME Tyson Beckford!!

Now, for the kids who doesn’t know who Tyson is, well Tyson is a SUPERMODEL and he was ONE of the HOTTEST models of the 90s.

He has the authority to judge beauty and plastic when he sees one.

Tyson is natural perfection.

On the other hand, Kim is 98% plastic, 2% Air.

She can fuck off! The end.

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Does Forbes know what Self Made means?

Whatever picture was hanging on the largest wall in Kris Jenner’s office (possibly a blown-up still from Kim’s porno) has surely been taken down today and replaced with a giant, framed picture of her youngest and most lucrative money maker on the cover of this month’s issue of Forbes.

Last year it was reported that Kylie Jenner’s makeup company made $420 million in 18 months of retail sales. A year later, and Kylie Cosmetics has more than doubled their sales at $900 million. According to Forbes, 20-year-old Kylie is on her way to becoming the youngest self-made billionaire.

As the term “self-made” usually conjures images of either two old-timey dudes labouring away in a basement in an episode of Drunk History inventing tampons or whatever, or Mark Zuckerberg creating Facebook, or Evan Spiegel creating that nude trade app called Snapchat, people are generally laughing in Kylie’s privileged entitled engorged botched face on the magazine’s cover because born into extreme wealth & instant fame is the exact opposite of “self made”.

Kylie Jenner is also already the youngest person on Forbes’ list of the richest self-made women in America, and clocks in higher than her sister and higher than… Judge Judy!! Which should be qualified as a crime against humanity.

Now, I seriously have nothing against that blow up doll, except the fact she insist on trademarking her name “kylie” when she already lost that battle with the ONLY & ORIGINAL… KYLIE!!!

So yeah,  its been a real struggle and she has worked SO hard to get where she is… This bitch can’t even put a coherent sentence together and we are to believe she is “self made”.

Oprah is self-made. This hooker? Nah.

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Only in America

Donald Trump took time out from bashing his attorney general Jeff Sessions and making the Roseanne Barr racism storm all about himself to meet Kim Kardashian West and discuss the justice system!

You know, it’s been a while since my last Trump post ’cause it’s an every day circus and I got tired. But this is too good (for all wrong reasons) to ignore.

The fact that Kim Kardashian can have ANY influence on ANY White House decision is the epitome of the political and cultural degrade Trump is causing in that country.

Staff are going to have to fumigate after that trash administration is over!

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Another Pole dancer has joined the World!

After Kylie Jenner Kardashian named her baby after a stripper who fucked Trump, I fully expected Khloezilla to name her newborn baby something worst.

But instead of doing that, she brought on endless jokes by naming her poor baby True Thompson… Gladly for that baby her middle name is not “Dat”.

The baby’s name might be True, as True as the daddy’s dick is in someone else as we speak.

The kid’s nickname should be “Wishful Thinking,” because True is something that Tristan and his wandering cheating dick will never be to Khlozilla.

On the other hand… Is there a competition between them about who puts the most horrible name for their kids?

I’m only posting this because I”m tired, but I actually used to like Khloe when she was the free spirited one, the “black sheep” and free of body alterations and NBA players.

Regardless, that baby’s name it’s certainly better than North,Chicago, and Stormi.

You know, at least she didn’t name her Fidelity.

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Cancer Got Cancer

It’s not socially acceptable to be excited when hearing someone who is a cancer actually got cancer.

But when it’s someone from the Kar-Jenner klan it’s a lot harder to hide an uncomfortable smirk. Before throwing a fully “Kardashians are about to go away” party, it would be important to note that the cancer was only in her nose.

She promptly removed the tip like she has done with another body part before. Not true! Bitch hasn’t.

I think Caitlyn’s chances of ever being considered a pretty woman are completely off the table now.

I’m sure some men love a woman with broad shoulders, an obviously male jawline, and a foot size of 13 in men but having less nose than everyone else is where most men draw the line because guys are kinky and they love a meaty extra inch.

Anyway when I found the article online I was thinking it was gonna be brain cancer, and that would explain all of HIS bullshit! 

Or that society finally realised that that whole family is cancer.

Regardless, it was not my intention to joke about that terrible thing, and even less to blog about this irrelevant. But ugh! I didn’t have sex today and I’m feeling evil. Sorry. 

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Influential…

I’m not the biggest fan of social media and Snapchat is my least favourite.

There’s something about always sending friends and strangers your location and up-to-the-minute information about what you’re doing that comes off as attention seeking… Not to mention this app was mostly created to cheat, trade nudes for few seconds and assorted indiscretions. Just not my cup of tea.

But what I am a fan of is watching huge companies like Snapchat rendered helpless at the hands of a soon to be single mother. But not every new mom most likely to seek child support soon is Kylie Jenner KarTrashian.

We have the Kardashian-Jenners to blame for the death of many things: natural looking makeup and bodies, the excuse that one needs talent to be successful in the entertainment industry, and the latest casualty could be Snapchat.

Snapchat’s shares went down 7.2% valued at a loss of $1.3 billion dollars after she bashed the app on Twitter.

Snapchat rolled out a new update which ended up being pretty annoying to use.

The core users of Snapchat, mostly underage, female, gays, and assorted horny, have been pretty vocal about their displeasure.

Snapchat basically told them to suck one because the company knows if everyone is still using the app no teen wants to be the odd one out. The power of peer pressure and inclusion can be a bitch. But for once someone with Kardashian blood did a good deed.

Hopefully she complains about iOS next until iPhone users get more usable features than new genderless emojis, but most important I really wish these apparent new ROLE MODELS of society tweet about gun control, NRA, hate groups, and fucked up politicians in their country. But then again, these are Kardashians…

Can she at least tell her fans how amazing it is to throw yourself off a cliff?

That would be a good cause too.

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The Past will Never Come Back

Before we get into this new komercial for Calvin Klein featuring the Jenndashian brothel playing a fun lobotomised version of the game “never have I ever,” let’s just give props for body inclusivity.

Twenty years ago Calvin Klein famously featured bulimic coked up models in their ads (with exceptions, of course) but now we’ve progressed to having a herd of mangled medical community practical jokes stretching the holy hell out of underwear together on a blanket. 

The members of the KarTrashians put their altered bodies and zombified personalities to the test in this kickoff video for Calvin’s new “Our Family” campaign.

  • Never have I ever taken a load on camera to advance my career. Kim
  • Never have I ever try to look like a fuck doll with all the alterations in my body. Kylie
  • Never have I ever inspired the look for the lead character in the Disney classic Beauty and the Beast. Khloé

The Kadashians are great for fun posts. 

But the reality is Calvin Klein died in the 90s, as Victoria’s Secret in the 2000s.

God created only one Kate Moss and Christy Turlington. And no male celebrity can beat the effortless hotness of a young Mark Wahlberg (aka Marky Mark).

Leaving the dark side of fashion aside, Calvin Klein was a thing of visual beauty that now RIP. Justin Bieber in undies? BARF!! Now these boring Kardashians… MEH!

Lingerie needs new brands and new faces, because the past will never come back.

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