Tag Archives: Kardashians


I’m not the biggest fan of social media and Snapchat is my least favourite.

There’s something about always sending friends and strangers your location and up-to-the-minute information about what you’re doing that comes off as attention seeking… Not to mention this app was mostly created to cheat, trade nudes for few seconds and assorted indiscretions. Just not my cup of tea.

But what I am a fan of is watching huge companies like Snapchat rendered helpless at the hands of a soon to be single mother. But not every new mom most likely to seek child support soon is Kylie Jenner KarTrashian.

We have the Kardashian-Jenners to blame for the death of many things: natural looking makeup and bodies, the excuse that one needs talent to be successful in the entertainment industry, and the latest casualty could be Snapchat.

Snapchat’s shares went down 7.2% valued at a loss of $1.3 billion dollars after she bashed the app on Twitter.

Snapchat rolled out a new update which ended up being pretty annoying to use.

The core users of Snapchat, mostly underage, female, gays, and assorted horny, have been pretty vocal about their displeasure.

Snapchat basically told them to suck one because the company knows if everyone is still using the app no teen wants to be the odd one out. The power of peer pressure and inclusion can be a bitch. But for once someone with Kardashian blood did a good deed.

Hopefully she complains about iOS next until iPhone users get more usable features than new genderless emojis, but most important I really wish these apparent new ROLE MODELS of society tweet about gun control, NRA, hate groups, and fucked up politicians in their country. But then again, these are Kardashians…

Can she at least tell her fans how amazing it is to throw yourself off a cliff?

That would be a good cause too.

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The Past will Never Come Back

Before we get into this new komercial for Calvin Klein featuring the Jenndashian brothel playing a fun lobotomised version of the game “never have I ever,” let’s just give props for body inclusivity.

Twenty years ago Calvin Klein famously featured bulimic coked up models in their ads (with exceptions, of course) but now we’ve progressed to having a herd of mangled medical community practical jokes stretching the holy hell out of underwear together on a blanket. 

The members of the KarTrashians put their altered bodies and zombified personalities to the test in this kickoff video for Calvin’s new “Our Family” campaign.

  • Never have I ever taken a load on camera to advance my career. Kim
  • Never have I ever try to look like a fuck doll with all the alterations in my body. Kylie
  • Never have I ever inspired the look for the lead character in the Disney classic Beauty and the Beast. Khloé

The Kadashians are great for fun posts. 

But the reality is Calvin Klein died in the 90s, as Victoria’s Secret in the 2000s.

God created only one Kate Moss and Christy Turlington. And no male celebrity can beat the effortless hotness of a young Mark Wahlberg (aka Marky Mark).

Leaving the dark side of fashion aside, Calvin Klein was a thing of visual beauty that now RIP. Justin Bieber in undies? BARF!! Now these boring Kardashians… MEH!

Lingerie needs new brands and new faces, because the past will never come back.

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Lips On Fire

People looking to hilarious medical experiment Kylie Jenner as their sensitivity spirit animal were shocked and even dismayed to see that she promoted her new Lip Kit line on Snapchat in front of televised news of the California wildfires that have claimed just under thirty lives. 

The living Bratz Doll appears in a selfie captioned “Autumn is available on KylieCosmetics.com” with the television screen in the background telling the equally important but slightly different story “Breaking News: Canyon Fire 2 Eyewitness News.” If she had included the word “lit” in her caption I would know that there’s a God. 

If Hollywood wasn’t Rapetown USA right now, with the deluge of Harvey Weinstein sexual assault accusations, Jenner’s snap might be making more of a splash on the Internet… Which is probably what she wanted because, attention-whores!

Anyhow, Kylie has a lot of catching up to do if she’s going to achieve the wow factor of her sister Kendall’s stupid ads.

Maybe walk up to a firefighter and offer him a Lip Kit? 

Jokes aside, I’m surprised that people keep assuming the Kards/Jenners think of anyone or anything other than themselves. 

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Barbie is Probably Made of Less Plastic

Like her father before her, and her half sister who I think is her mom before her, Kylie Jenner is a mangled human…

I guess it’s in part with the family brand, that is so important to them, it makes them so much money, and it encourages body modification in the form of injections and implants and fat being sucked out of them…coupled with lots of thick make-up, all designed to sell to the fragile in the head.

What it has become is a movement, like tattoos once were, or laser hair removal, where people save up their 600 dollars or less and jack up their face… all while promoting body positivism, no slut shaming and anti-bullying lies…

I mean this dollar store version of a Kylie (Miss MINOGUE being the ORIGINAL and luxurious Kylie) is something more than the fertilised lizard egg that fell out of Kim’s asshole… she also pretends to be a good influence to kids while looking like this and saying  “it’s normal that at 19, you should look like a 40 year old stripper with body dysmorphia”

The world is a mess, and these Kardashians are big part of the problem. 

But to say something nice, I think the nose job and first lip job improved her looks. But she didn’t stop there, she keeps inflating up her lips like they are Reebok Pumps.

Now, just like Kim and Khloe, that ass and tits are fake… She’s only 19…

Her 30’s and beyond are going to be real rough and really sad, ’cause eventually… All collapses.

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Whore Candle…

The Saint Of Fame Whores, Kim Kartrashian, put her melting candle face on a Virgin Mary candle and some people are reaching for their rosaries while screaming about the sacrilege of it all…

I bet that candle smells like burning silicone with a hint of Juvaderm.

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All I See Is More Plastic Surgery

People are pissed about a new Pepsi ad where Kendall Jenner takes a brief respite from a tawdry fashion shoot to join a generic peace protest and hand a white cop a Pepsi to quell his racism…

She also eye fucks an Asian guy in the name of equality.

The entire thing reads like a fever dream from your great aunt who was at Woodstock and makes no sense, although it does make you realise how easy it would be to mow down a crowd of hipsters. 

The Internet consensus seems to be that this is bastardising the Black Lives Matter movement and piggybacking on various activist marches over the past year to sell Pepsi.

Making matters worse, the protagonist belongs to one of the world’s most enfranchised vapid-whore families. 

People are right to remark on this shitty big budget soda ad, but that doesn’t mean they’re right to be offended… Almost every commercial is offensive! 

They almost all assume that humans are lazy idiotic consumers moved by shiny objects, which and is kind of right, but let’s pretend it’s offensive.

Cops have killed a couple hundred people. Obesity and diabetes in the millions. 

While mind boggling in its insipid messaging, the only harmful aspect of the commercial is the product being sold. 

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Scott Disick, “Sex Addict”

It’s best to start the conversation over male sex addiction by everybody admitting it’s a bullshit medical diagnosis.

A disease can’t only exist for famous wealthy men with access to ambitious models. People who heal with crystals and newt juice have more thought out science. 

When you’re hungry, you eat. Thirsty, you drink. When you’re horny, you fuck.

Maybe nature never intended you to have access to 5,000 calories for half an hour’s worth of work available on speed dial delivery. Or for a professional douchebag like Scott Disick to have poon tang thrown in his face nightly. 

Self-gratification is not addiction. 

Fucking naked women who climb into your hot tub is not a medical condition. 

The invention of Disick as sex addict does provide for a memorable moment on the insipidly scripted Kardashians show where Kim Kardashian berates him, “you’re just like a fucking whore”.

There have been few richer moments in the history of garbage television…

Your body lets you know when you’ve had too much.

You get fat. You get drunk. Your balls hurt.

Those are good indicators. Shut it down!

Lacking willpower, also not a disease.

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