Tag Archives: LOL

The Only Music Critic That Matters

If Rolling Stone, Billboard, and Pitchfork really cared about the integrity and quality of their music reviews, they’d get into a massive bidding war to hire this Chihuahua with flawless taste as their new chief music critic.

There’s not much info about the clip below, except for the fact that this  Chihuahua has an impeccable ear and gives the only review of Fergie’s National Anthem performance that is needed.

@TheJose8A, who posted the clip on Twitter, says that thedogs isn’t his…

Well, whoever is the human of this pooch should be proud that they’re caring for one of the greatest critical minds of our time!

This pooch obviously spends all of its time studying musical technique and performance, and doesn’t have time for silly shit like brushing its teeth, going to the dentist or flossing.

When Fergie hits that high note, she sounds like a cat getting ass fucked with a taser, so you would think that the Chihuahua would give a thumbs up to a torturous cat sound. But this pooch is able to suppress any feeling about cats to give an unbiased review.

A total pro!

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No Fucks Given

In this clip from Tastefully Offensive, which stars Instagram model Ganmo the Persian cat from Japan, the role of me is being played by that lazy pussy and the role of life is being played by that cat toy.

When life hits me in the face over and over again, I think about getting up and taking that evil bitch on, but then I realise that doing so requires energy and a little thing called “giving a fuck,” so I just take another nap.

Ganmo’s human filmed and uploaded a video of him being a lazy hero to lazies everywhere by refusing to get up as a toy slaps him in the head over and over and over again.

That toy is an “interactive pet camera and teaser” that costs $229, so Ganmo’s not the one getting screwed, his humans are. They spent that much money on a toy that Ganmo couldn’t give one fuck about.

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Internet Theory: Sam Smith And Adele Are The Same Person

The C.I.A. (computer investigation alliance), that secret cabal of internet sleuths who cracked the case of the Melania Trump body double WIDE OPEN, have made an exciting new discovery! (Nor really).

Have you ever noticed that you’ve never seen Sam Smith and Adele together in the same room? Didn’t think so.

Are you sitting down? A TwAtter user has proof that Adele and Sam are actually the person.

According to The Huffington Post, the earth shattering theory was first proposed by a Twitter user with a lot of time on their hands.

They learned that by slowing down Adele’s hit “Hello”, the truth reveals itself. 

Whatevs. I still haven’t moved on from the Miley/Justin theory to process this.

But seriously, I don’t want to live on this planet any more.

The people making up these theories should go back to eating Tide pods.

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So Much Comedy

It’s Sunday but not funday for me’cause I had enough Friday and Saturday.

Patrick (A Portuguese ex fuckfriend,) Ricardo (the other straight guy) and Aidan were trying to score but they chose the wrong day. Well, I’d probably see Aidan soon.

Regardless, the amount of comedy these people show is pretty adorable.

Horny guys said the funniest things!

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Exquisite puckering Asshole wall art

If you’ve been looking at your living room and thinking to yourself that what it really needs to elevate it to the height of tasteful sophistication is a giant asshole and you’ve thought of hanging Donal Trump poster but realised that’s just too offensive, then Crate & Barrel has the perfect thing for you.

Most of us look at that thing and probably see the kind of hole pic that a power bottom would send to a hot power top he met on gay hookup app, but C&B wants us to think that they see a damn sea sponge…

“Resembling a sea sponge or coral, our organic-inspired wall art radiates deep lines from its dimpled center. Made of ceramic, each handcrafted dimensional disc is textured with scratches and glazed light grey. Coordinate with other Alura wall art piece”.

Whoever wrote this needs to write my Tinder bio, because they gave me a slight tingle at “radiates deep lines from its dimpled center.” 

On the other hand, Piers Morgan’s birthday is next month, and if you’re a friend or related to him, I feel sorry for you. But the good news is, you have just found the birthday gift to get him. Buy C&B’s puckering asshole wall art and paint it orange.

Piers seems to be so obsessed with the idea of eating Trump’s ass that he’d love it.

This is amazing:

And you’d also be giving a gift to humanity, because Piers wouldn’t talk as much since his tongue would always be stuck to his orange anus wall art.

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I’m a Brazilian Woman

Have you tried the Google Arts & Culture app? All you have to do is to take a picture of yourself LIVE and Google will find your museum “doppelganger” that in many cases are a total mismatch. 

Like most face recognition apps my closest match is female, so I was not surprised with the result.

I could be an androgynous dream in the face if I really wanted to.

Below what others have been compared with:

This app is a good laugh, but what surprised me was that my match is an exotic South American painting.

I’m South American, exotic for many, and portraits remind of Dorian Grey… who has nothing to do with this story perhaps but always made me wonder if somewhere out there there’s a cursed painting ageing instead of I. #ImOldAF

Fantasy or insanity, some facts of this painting are actually close to my reality.

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Viral Christmas Cards

When comedian John Cessna was away for school during the 2008 holiday season, his mom called to inform him that he would be missing their family’s Christmas photo.

She jokingly suggested to “sober up” and send out his own Christmas cards.

Like an obedient son, Cessna followed his mother’s instructions and has been creating his own Christmas cards ever since. However, it’s probably safe to say that it turned out to be not what his mom had in mind… Everything began with a few bottles, but lately John has been focusing more on absurdity and insidiousness. 

Below 2015,2016 and 2017. The best of them.

2015

2016

2017

2015 and 2016 ”Trump names Claus Attorney General” are EPIC! Absolutely brilliant. 

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