Tag Archives: Politics

A Trump (Not The One You Think) Is Reportedly Headed For Divorce

The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. 

Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Trump’s cabinet.

A source claims that Vanessa isn’t happy, because she’d like to live her opulent housewife life in private and doesn’t like the attention that being the daughter-in-law of Trump brings (like opening up possible death powder sent to her house).

Vanessa is also upset about Don Jr. being gone all the time and think he’s changed. Not having to talk or look at Don Jr. seems like a blessing and a gift to me, but Vanessa is weird, because apparently it bothers her.

Also, I was surprised to find out that these two bitches are ONLY 40. Jesus! They look a lot older than I! They actually look like escapees from Madame Tussaud’s… In fact, Madame Tussauds called and she wants her wax and makeup palette back!

Those Trump boys are so unfortunate looking, it physically hurts.

Anyway Vanessa should follow Ivanka Trump’s advice and not get mad, get everything!

Well, except for the dead cheetah rug, moose antler table, lion head lampshade, endangered rhino skin bedspread, etc… Yeah that asshole… Killing animals more magnificent and intelligent than he could never even aspire to be.

Long story short, that whole family can burn!

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It was all supposed to be so simple… Go to India, show off our Indo-Canadian cabinet ministers, sign a trade agreement or two and cap it all off by gladhanding with everyone’s favourite world leader, Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

Instead, trying-hard Canadian Prime Minister turned into a Bollywood parade of foreign gaffes.

The first days politicians refused to meet him (due to Trudeau’s support of Sikh separatist groups,) Trudeau was in India for several days without seeing the country’s Prime Minister… But this isn’t all that unusual.

India is a populous, emerging economy that generally has better things to do than hang around with the now  attention-whore America Junior.

Still, after numerous hug-saturated foreign trips, it’s a little discordant that Trudeau was brushed off by the huggiest leader in Indian history.

Seriously, dude hugs whatever moves…

Anyhow, the fact is Trudeau was acting like a clown ruining the honourable image of Canada with his tackiness.

But the gaffe-prone visit morphed into a full-blown foreign policy disaster when Surrey, B.C., businessman Jaspal Atwal was invited to a Canadian diplomatic event Tuesday where he was photographed next to both Sophie Gregoire Trudeau…

Atwal is also a convicted terrorist, having attempted to assassinate a Punjabi cabinet minister in 1986 while the latter was visiting B.C. Atwal was also charged, but not convicted, in the vicious 1985 beating of Ujjal Dosanjh, a vocal anti-extremist and later Liberal cabinet minister.

Keep in mind that this visit is happening amid widespread Indian accusations that Canada is nurturing a resurgence of extremist Sikh terrorism… And that the government is too incompetent to notice.

This was nothing more than a family vacation at our expense with a heavy dose of indecorum.

I guess, we can finally all agree that when it comes to World Leaders Justin Trudeau is without a doubt proven himself over and over again that he is NO LEADER whatsoever. 

The good news is, we can dump him the next election!

On behalf of my fellow Canadians, I apologise for all the embarrassment.

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About My Previous Question…

Exactly puritan American. Kill each other but god forbid you have consensual pleasure.

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Teens Are Better at Grilling Politicians Than Reporters

As American Senator Marco Rubio was grilled by teens few night ago, scores of actual professional journalists asked themselves some variation of this question:

It is actually not a hard question to answer! The first reason is access.

Teens don’t have to worry about losing access to Marco Rubio. It took an extraordinary and tragic set of circumstances for these particular students to have the access to him, and they knew it would be their only chance to directly confront him.

For the students, their livelihoods do not depend on being able to gain access to Marco Rubio (or any other jerk whose sole priority is money) in the future. 

On the other hand, that issue of access is so sad and disgusting.

This is a man who refuses to meet or talk with the people he’s paid to represent (the people who elected him in fact,) unless they’re willing to shuck up thousands of dollars.

Also, WTF with the orange idiot and assorted imbeciles wanting to arming teachers??? WHAT DA FUCK is going on in that country? Legit question right there.

Regardless, I’m not American but I’m very proud of those teens.

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Another Shooting In America…

Here we go again….

Just 7 weeks into 2018 and there has been another school shooting in America, making it 18th since the start of the year.

Nikolas Cruz is the latest sick bastard on the list of fuck ups.

The kid is a member of a White Supremacist militia.

Described as a loner by a former classmate, the 19-year-old returned to Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School with an AR15 rifle and gunned down at least 17 people in a massacre that ranks as one of the deadliest mass shooting.

I don’t really know what to say anymore…

It’s sad and terrifying how our neighbour country can be so violent, but even more sad and terrifying the fact civilians can still so easily purchase a machine gun. It’s been ages now that the United States stopped being a land of hope to become a land of fear.

Meanwhile, the orange creature issued some statements on Twitter, labelling noting there were many signs that Cruz was mentally disturbed… genius! Also, he posted this:

And got few replies, one of them was this 16 year-old student…

At this point, as a nation, America has told the world the safety of their children is less important than the rights of gun owners.

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Lord Bates, Drama Queen

British politician Lord Michael Bates is a member of the House of the Lords and has been a minister at the Department for International Development since 2016. The Guardian says that yesterday at 15:00 GMT, Lord Bates was supposed to be in the House of the Lords chamber to answer questions about strategies for reducing inequality…

When the clock struck 15:00, Baroness Lister (Side note: British politicians have the hottest titles) of the Labour Party asked Lord Bates a question, but he wasn’t there to answer…

He showed up one minute later and because of that he quit his job as punishment to himself for arriving just 1 MINUTE LATE for a session.

You read that right, and dude is not even CANADIAN!!!

But we shouldn’t be surprised that a man named Lord Bates would be a big drama queen. 

He said that he holds himself and the other politicians up to the highest standards when it comes to respect, and he cannot allow himself to be so fucking disrespectful.

Meanwhile in America, their current POOTUS (on-purpose typo and it stays) could show up 4 hours late to a session and shit on the table before wiping his shit in everyone’s faces while burping, and he wouldn’t apologise or get in trouble.

But back to the Lords…

The real question here is why would you ask a question of someone not there? 

Passive aggressive witch! Anyway, Lord Bates still got his job ’cause British Prime Minster Theresa May rejected his resignation. 

Too bad his title wasn’t Master. The headlines would have been GOLDEN!

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Believe Me

Few days ago was the one-year anniversary of Donald Trump being inaugurated as President of the United States.

Rather than focus on the more than two thousand documented lies he has told in office, The Washington Monthly instead published an article (link here) that highlights some of Trump’s most preposterous lies and how he so often bookends these by saying one or several times “believe me.”

Some highlights:

“Because I’m going to be working for you, I’m not going to have time to go play golf. Believe me. Believe me folks.”

“And you know what else? I have great respect for women, believe me.”

“Believe me, I’ll change things. And again, we’re going to be so respected.”

“I will do everything in my power to protect our LGBTQ citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology. Believe me.”

“We will not answer to donors or lobbyists or special interests, but we will serve the citizens of the United States of America, believe me.”

“The world is in trouble, but we’re going to straighten it out. OK? That’s what I do. I fix things. We’re going to straighten it out. Believe me.”

“We will terminate Obamacare and replace it, believe me, with something good.”

“I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me. I would have Mexico pay for it. Believe me, they will pay for it.”

This brings us to an easy conclusion:

When Trump says “believe me” he’s really saying I’M LYING.

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