Archives for posts with tag: Whatever Son

First of all, for real? Hollywood Beauty Awards? I guess at this point the make-up artists and beauty teams in Hollywood deserve whatever awards they can get their hands on because it’s not like you can perform Photoshop in real life like it’s a spell from Harry Potter.

And of course, what event surrounding image would be complete without an appearance from Kim Kartrashian in some ugly shit from the Haus of Look At Me.

Actually she’s wearing a vintage Thierry Mugler, and as an iconic as Mugler is, and as glorious as Mugler was,  I’m hating Mugler for allowing HER (and also Cardi Whatever at the Grammys) to use his pieces.

They’re making his art look tacky and cheap.

A dress like this deserves either rock hard implants or a small natural C. Nothing in between, and certainly not this!!

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I wonder how many people on set had to resist the urge to pluck those pills off of Hailey’s dress, because they needed something to make them forget these two are going to be on the cover of Vogue?

Not that Vogue is relevant anymore.

Now, how are these two only 24 and 22?

Well, he actually looks like a teen lesbian with a shaved head, and all I see when I look at her is Stephen Baldwin in a dress.

Anyway, with this cover we have recorded proof of the exact second Vogue’s last shred of credibility finally dried up and floated away.

I don’t know whether to laugh or be offended because this just isn’t right. But it’s reportedly happening.

During the Grammys this Sunday Jennifer Lopez will be performing a tribute to the legendary Motown. 

Motown is celebrating its 60th anniversary this year. And so far reactions have ranged from “Nope!” to “HELL NO!”

This is probably a great time to mention that JLo doesn’t even have a GramMeh. Nor has the vocals to sing Motown classics. 

Rap Up was first to report the news yesterday that JLo, out of ALL the people in the world, will be the chosen one to pump and prance across the stage while doing a sultry rendition of Sugar Pie Honey Bunch. Though it’s unclear whether or not she’ll be doing the set by herself or if she’ll have help from other artists. One thing’s for sure is that I’m ready to change the words to The Supremes’ classic “Stop In The Name Of Love” to “Stop JLo…Just, Stop.

I’m not here for any of this because it makes no damn sense.

And don’t get me wrong, la Lopez is an entertainer but NOT a singer.

Fashion, men, living lavishly, and looking pretty is her area of expertise. She should stick to that!

Now, how about getting a real Motown artist to perform and pay proper tribute to the legends?

The only thing CBS is doing is paying tribute to their need for ratings, because now everyone will definitely tune in to see this travesty.

But the real treat of the evening will be the LEGENDARY Motown OG GODDESS Diana Ross, who is also slated to perform, comes out on stage, grabs the mic from her and asks “Do you know where you’re going to?” as she’s being escorted away by security so Miss Ross can show her how it’s really done.

American politics under Trump is what I read when I need a laugh (while rolling eyes). 

Trumpty Dumpty spoke for nearly 90 minutes during Tuesday night’s State of the Union address, but if you couldn’t sit through that, here are all the highlights from the speech:

My fellow Americans,

Blah blah blah USA USA bipartisanship

Investigating my crimes is wrong

Astronauts!

Racism

Love ICE

Racism

Wall

“security”

Racism

Women cool I guess

USA USA chanting (like Germany in 1930s)

But not if they get abortions

abortion evil

fundamentalist bullshit

Venezuela president bad

Venezuela coup good

SOCIALISM BAD AHHHHHH

Troops

Holocaust (checks notes) bad

America First

Bye.

And congrats to Pelosi for inventing the “fuck you” clap, which has become the defining moment from his State of the Union address.

In short, the SOTU was more like the STFU!

Didn’t see this coming. The Blast is reporting that Fiji got all the promo it needed at the Golden Globes this year when it got a girl in a blue dress holding some water to somehow upstage every famous and famous-ish person on the red carpet.

But it looks like all that promo might cost them, as the ominous-looking Fiji Water Girl herself, Kelleth Cuthbert, is suing the hand that fed her for not feeding her enough.

Kelleth is coming after some cold hard cash from the Fiji Water Company and The Wonderful Company, saying they created an unauthorised marketing campaign based off of the creepy dead eyes she was serving us from behind those celebs.

She claims a day after the Golden Globes, Fiji Water “intentionally created cardboard cutouts of Steinbach for us in a cardboard cutout marketing campaign.” Here’s the cardboard cutout of The Fiji Water Girl stealing the pap spotlight from John Legend:

Okay, I find this really dumb. She’s so cardboard looking already.

Still, I can understand why she doesn’t want to be associated with it.

I can’t tell which one is milking their 15 minutes here.

No such thing as bad publicity I guess.

Brand whores rejoice! Think you can’t be a fashion icon AND have yellow pit stains and a coffee/soup melange up and down the front of your crisp white tee? Think again!

You can walk around with a clean white t-shirt for a minimum of 10 minutes before somebody walking by with a greasy croissant looks at you funny, while representing one of Italy’s most elite brands.

On Farfetch, is a Hanes Beefy-T with a small Prada logo sewed onto it for the prohibitive price $410, guaranteeing you will be one of a very select group of assholes who own the new Prada logo piqué T-shirt. Go ahead, treat yourself!

This so unique, so exclusive, so elite, so influencer, that it’s worth every penny… Seriously, anything more than $25 for a shirt is obscene.

Happy Friday hookers!

You know, it wasn’t that long ago when RESPECTABLE former first lady Michelle Obama was trying desperately to assist in healthier eating habits for all Americans…

And then Donald Turd served cold, greasy fast food during a White Trash House dinner for the visiting national college football champion Clemson Tigers, because to hell what’s best for Americans!

He looks so pleased with his decision… And just so you’re aware this feast fit for Kings was comprised of burgers from some of your artery clogging favourites: McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King.

Press Secretary Sarah Sanders spoke out about the president’s decision to serve these college kids a Happy Meal buffet of bullshit by blaming the Democrats:

“Because the Democrats refuse to negotiate on border security, much of the residence staff at the White House is furloughed—so the president is personally paying for the event to be catered with some of everyone’s favorite fast foods.”

WHATEVER!!! 

I think I’m going to go blind from the amount of eye rolling this story has brought into my life…This team put on suits, boarded a plane, and travelled to eat some shit they passed by on their way to the airport.

I want to find every moron who voted for Habanero Hitler and smack the taste out their mouth. An absolute shit-show!