Tag Archives: Whatever Son

Dear Tiffany Trump, if you want your dad to grab you and hug you, wear this…

The “Touch of Fur” shawl by FENDI is a new part of this season’s womenswear collection at £750! Do you see a vagina or it’s only me? 

I seriously can’t afford it, but Tiffany can.

Don’t let Ivanka get daddy’s full attention girl. You deserve some too.

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Skinny Bones

I am a child of the 80s who thinks that the 1980s was the golden era of ridiculous foolery… and then I see something from the 1970s that confirms to me that everyone was on serious kinds of drugs then.

Case in point: Skinny Bones, a toy that was equal parts WHAT. THE. FUCK. and a nightmare inside of a nightmare.

Marx Toy Company (who bit the dust in 1980) must’ve bought a tent company at a fire sale and decided to use the metal tent parts for a terrifying stick figure doll called Skinny Bones.

On an episode of Thrift Hunters, the Thrift Hunters encountered Skinny Bones (at the 0:58) and actually spent a good pile of coins on it.

Since every demon from the colon of hell needs a dark-sided sidekick to help them spread the evil, Skinny had a pet horse named Nag Bones and Ginny (his sister) had a pet dog named Ham Bones.

Again, people were on serious kind of drugs in the 1970s.

On happy note, if you’re tired of having a ghost haunting your house and want to pay to have it removed, hunt down a Skinny or Ginny Bones doll and bring them into your home.

Souls are obviously the only thing they do eat.

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Neon Mess

Just like that Saint George statue and, of course, the legendary fucked-up beauty Ecce Homo, a statue in Spain has gotten a glamorous makeover and was taken from “bland basic bitches” to stunningly gorgeous cholita ravers.

The artist responsible for splattering layers of neon charisma and beauty onto Mary, Jesus, and St. Anne is María Luisa Menéndez, a tobacco shop owner in the teeny tiny village of El Rañadorio in northwestern Spain.

The 15th century statues live in a shrine in the village’s chapel. They were professionally restored 15 years ago, but The Guardian says that María Luisa felt like they needed a fresh summer look and got permission from the parish priest to do it.

So Salvador Dali’s long-lost cousin pulled out the finest paints money can buy (read: cheap ass preschool paints) and spent 18 hours a day for three years (read: probably 15 minutes total) painstakingly glamour-ing Mary, Jesus, and St. Anne.

Mary, Jesus, and St. Anne are probably up in heaven right now, touching up their exquisite brows with a Sharpie while saying, “FINALLY, somebody captured us in our true form!”

But jokes aside, when I found the article online I thought it was about some plastic nativity from the 80s, not realising it was a WOODEN statue from 600 years ago!

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Uh huh…

Remember when Gaga first hit and she was wearing all sorts of headpieces and veils to disguise that schnozz? Well, “fuck you” money equals a “fuck you” nose.

Stefani told Sky News at the Star Is Born in London that, like her idol (Barbra Streisand,) she also refused to cut off her nose because it would have spited her face or some other badly-used analogy concerning rhinoplasty

Unlike Babs’ 1976 version of A Star is Born, Gaga’s upcoming version is already getting good reviews. As for whether or not she’s ever had her schnoz rotated and cinched, I’ll let celebrity plastic surgery sites spit up their evidence.

Why lie about something so trivial and easily documented?

You know, there’s nothing wrong to fix whatever you want to fix, but it’s ridiculous to lie about something so obvious as if people are stupid (the majority probably are).

She’s talented but annoying. The lip injections and nose job are clear. Period.

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“Brave Red Maiden” costume

Whatever genius they have over at Yandy in charge of translating popular characters into scratchy lingerie for Halloween has really outdone themselves this year.

For once, instead of just offering up skimpy polyester panties that will give you a yeast infection, they’ve offered a poignant musing on sexism and the patriarchy; with an ironic twist!

This year, Yandy created the “Brave Red Maiden” costume, inspired by everybody’s favourite dramedy, The Handmaid’s Tale. Unfortunately, too many people hate fun because Yandy has bowed to pressure and taken it off the shelves. 

Here’s what they were offering:

Finally, a costume for the woman who wants to stand before the Congress to demand abortion rights while satisfying their narrow expectations of female beauty.

Come on, people! This is the most covered up and demure thing they’ve EVER produced.  

I’m sorry, but if I saw somebody actually out wearing this costume I would fall to my knees and kiss those stripper heels.

Anyway, haters should save some outrage for the truly questionable costumes Yandy is still getting away with, like the Yandy Indian Sweetheart:

BORING! 

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Batdick

Looks like the people over at DC were inspired by their latest Batman, Ben Affleck, much more than anyone first thought. Not really by his performance of Batman itself, but by the performance of his dick in Gone Girl. Does art imitate life or life imitate art? Who knows.

Vice is reporting that in the first of a three-issue miniseries called Damned, our favourite extremely rich and broody super hero Batman, shows us his tool, and not one from around his belt, honey.

That’s right! Batman shows dick, and we aren’t talking Grayson. The NSFW (Is comic book dick NSFW?) is below and like Batman, Batdick is moody as hell and lurks in the shadows.

My thanks to writers Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo who decided that Batman’s cut dick was relevant to the plot development of this narrative. Thank you for your hard work.

So, after this  maybe there’s some Superpeen on the horizon? Oh god I hope so! I hope this means they keep Henry Cavill as Superman. 

Now Clark, it’s your turn. Let’s see what you’re packing, homeboy…

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Theatrics

Hurricane Florence has taken several lives and left almost a million people without power. It’s tragic and dramatic on its own, but while reporting from Wilmington, North Carolina during the hurricane, Weather Channel reporter Mike Seidel decided to bring more drama…

He appeared to be bravely reporting while being buffeted by torrential rain and winds gusting at a hundred-something MPH that wanted to blow him away to the afterworld.

However, it looks like Mike is somewhat of a meteorological drama queen.

While Mike was acting like he was Helen Hunt in Twister, two dudes calmly walked by behind him, seemingly untroubled by the inclement weather.

It sort of diluted the moment.

A helpful PHD on Twitter also took the time to explain to us laypeople that, if you’re really gunning for a crown, you want to remember which way the wind is blowing.

Anyhow, my prayers are with those who are suffering this hurricane. Please stay safe.

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