I do not condone or endorse blatant thievery, but I do endorse foolery produced by raccoons, and quite fucking frankly, I condone blatant thievery by a criminal ball of fur who only gives a fuck about getting some deliciousness in the robber bag they call a stomach.
That leads me to this robber who proves that not all Canadians are polite and well-mannered creatures who are perfect houseguests.
This one’s a straight-up rude bitch and makes zero apologies for it. My idol!
Jenny Serwylo of Toronto tells the Toronto Star that on Tuesday night, she was getting ready to go to bed when she heard some noises coming from her kitchen. Jenny went to investigate and found a band of Goldilocks’ raccoon cousins stealing her food. Jenny grabbed a broom to shoo their thieving asses out, and two of them skedaddled off. But this one didn’t…
This hero chilled out behind Jenny’s toaster oven (above) and nibbled on some English muffins while throwing her, “Trick, try ME”, eyes.
Jenny was smart and decided not to try to tussle with a motherfucker who is just daring you to mess with ’em. She called 311, but the city told her to call a 24-hour wildlife removal company. None answered her call, so Jenny had two choices: 1. Try to tussle with the bread bandit again. Or 2. Pack up her things, hand her keys over to the bread bandit, and move out. Strangely enough, Jenny went with option 1.
Once the bread bandit ate up all of the bread in Jenny’s kitchen, the raccoon calmly exited out through the kitchen window like nothing.
I’d like to think that even Jenny stood back like, “What a badass bitch.”
That raccoon was pretty smart in my opinion. I am surprised he didn’t grab a sponge and clean that toaster oven a tad.